Miller Lite- Triple Hops Brewing
Trying to convince us that the process through which you make your beer makes it superior is just plain faulty logic. Nevermind that the Sam Adams guys are doing the exact same thing by interviewing actual factory workers, and that anyone with taste buds knows that Sam Adams tastes way better than the tree bark aftertaste of Miller Lite. The way I will choose my beer is through whichever product's commercials has the most twins (or triplets) not whichever beer has the largest number of steps to create.

Bud Light- Drinkability
Lets forget for a second that someone thought it would be a good idea to have commercials featuring a guy drawing random objects with some sort of Chalk Zone type stick then making painfully unfunny puns. This ad is absolutely terrible. Maybe if someone is choosing their first beer to have at a bonfire in the woods he might choose the smooth texture of Bud Light, but anyone who has actually sipped it knows that "drinkability" is code for "watery."

Coors Light- Cold Activated Can
I can just imagine how this meeting went down:
Coors Light CEO: OK fellas, we're getting killed out there in sales. Tell me what you can do for me.
Genius: Well, sir, I dunno if you've tasted our product, but when it's warm, it tastes, at best, like deer piss. When it's cold, it's more manageable. I say we market it as the only "cold" beer.

When your only option is marketing your product's container over the product itself, you know you're in a hole. Just go back to making fun of NFL coaches and I'll go back to sipping my vented can.

Was it just me or was this the single jumpiest episode ever? We started with 6 different storylines to flash between: flashbacks involving JACOB (Jesus Christ that was awesome), Locke leading his people to Jacob, Radzinsky and Chang arguing at the Swan station, Jack & Sayid with past Richard, the "What lies in the shadow of the statue" gang, and Juliet, Kate, and Sawyer. Luckily, Jack's and Sawyer's group met up, and the Shadow of the Statue gang didn't get as much airtime as I would've liked, but it made the episode actually coherent and less like Heroes.Here's what went down in a faulty bundle of plutonium: