1) Families. Loud, hungry familes. 10 minutes to close. For an added bonus, these Cleavers haven't a concept of personal space and are 50 cents short. Kids will be kids and there's no sense in chastising them in public, causing a scene. Wait until later when you're at home to politely suggest that they not throw croissants you haven't paid for at each other and spill hot chocolate on their chairs and piss themselves. Children are people, too, and should be treated with a BOGU kind of respect if they are to grow up to be productive members of society.

2) Quiet People. This is a coffee shop after all and using your inside voice is appreciated. You must be a librarian! I like to guess whether you said Cinnamon Roll or Stripper Poll. What a fun fun game! Of course, if I don't get your order right you may have to raise your voice. I'm a little slow you see. As you guessed I am in fact retarded and do not know what a soy chai latte is. You better come behind the counter and show me so I don't get wrong for somebody else.

3) Bad Tippers. I really don't deserve that dollar. All I did was make coffee and I obviously like doing it because I smiled so it's not even really work.You encourage me to work harder to one day truly earn that tip.

4) Lizard people. I'm sorry that 60 degrees is just too darn hot for you! I don't normally encounter the cold blooded variety but I'd be just tickled pink to turn it down some more! Anything for you just-a-tea-thanks! Your drink will really taste that much hotter if the AC is at 40! How I wish the AC used Kelvin...

5) Homeless Guy. Of course I'd like to give you money from the register and a free bag of chips. If I seem perturbed, it's on account of I'm a spoiled racist fucking bitch who ain't never knowed what it like to be judged by people. You were right! It's that lovely smell of urine and smoke that says, "sophistication." It really turns me on. Call me when you get your check from the NBA and we'll make babies in a cop car - promise!

6) Politicians. You are so well-dressed and important looking. It is so thoughtful of you to allow me to listen in on your phone calls. I will surely use this knowledge to better myself and advance in the world. Since speaking with you I've come to realize that I will never really go anywhere in the arts and I need to get a real job. How deluded I was before! I always thought I'd just be discovered and not have to be talented, study acting, sing, or dance. Now I know better!

7) Your mom. Even though we don't speak to each other, we're friends on facebook and that means something. I love hearing about you from your mom because it makes me feel like I'm a part of your busy, well-rounded life. By the way, I totes agree with her that your new girlfriend is cuter than all your other girlfriends - myself included! I can't wait to meet her at your birthday party.

8) Hipsters. Or Hobos. I can't tell the difference sometimes which is so admirable. You're really calling attention to socioeconomic isssues and making me think about my choices. I apologize sincerely for not having those gluten-free vegan harvest vegetable sugarless muffins only found in communes and that one time at Whole Foods. I'm so disgusted with this non-organic unsustainable cotton urniform shirt that I can't even wear them anymore! Do NOT even get me started on these Old Navy khakis. From now on, I promise to serve lattes in the nude and unshaven. It's time to make a difference!

9) Decaf, non-fat, sugar-free Super Grande drinkers. You are such an inspiration to all with your healthy habits. If I had the willpower I, too, would order a cup of water.

10) Highschool Jobseekers. Nothing would please me more than to get to work with you. You remind me of my mom, too! Only I guess you're a little taller and a little thinner. Dot your 'i's with hearts and stars; my manager loves that and will surely take you for a professional with great work ethic. You are so wise for one so young and I bow to you as my superio. Please, have a cup of coffee on me!

(1) Get your letters: Whenever you get rejected in any way, shape, or form, you recieve a letter: B,I,N,G, and O respectively.

(2) Winning -> splurging: When you get to ˜O', wherever you are you may yell "BINGO!" at the top of your lungs and then go treat yourself to a special splurge. Yelling is entirely optional but does add a little something-something to the win. Reactions of those who are unaware of the game and witness a win are pretty entertaining.

(3) Splurging is required: It authenticates the win. No splurge, no win. You cannot get a new bingo card until you have splurged. If you get rejected in between the win and the splurge, cry for there are no such things as rollover rejections and you have just wasted a perfect opportunity. This also adds a sense of urgency to the win. With so many opportunities for rejection, you wouldn't want to waste a splurge! I can't begin to imagine how many more splurges I would have gained if I had only put forth the effort to collect my dues more promptly.

Splurges; defined
- Splurges can be predefined or the product of spontaneity.

I've splurged on a pedicure, a new sweater from Landsend, an uninterrupted hour of Collegehumor or TheBatterysDown, and once I let myself splurge on a tube of saucy red lipstick that I may or may not ever wear (but it's fun to have!)

Rejections; defined
- Rejections can include but are not limited to:

+ Turned down for a date (the most obvious of rejections)
+ Nasty stares and/or snubbing (second most common social rejection)
+ Not getting a part you auditioned for (or something you applied for i.e. internship, job opportunity, et al)
+ Making a D on a test you did an A's worth of studying on

- Today's technology has made getting rejected even easier!
Web 2.0 rejections:

+ Thumbs down on Stumbleupon for your blog
+ Unanswered friend request on Facebook
+ You are the only person in that group you created
+ Your hot date untagged herself in every photo with you in it
+ Following a friend on Twitter but they don't follow you back
+ Ignored direct messages on Twitter
+ Failed hastags
+ Nasty comments and/or spam on YouTube videos
+ Invitations to enlarge your penis (if you're a girl)

-Rejections must be (relatively) consecutive. You can pick out your potential rejections or let them come as they may. You'll soon see that there are LOTS of opportunities to get rejected EVERYDAY!!

Starting Over
If something incredibly acceptable happens (read: she says yes), you are obliged to start over. Period.

Advanced Gaming
- Some even SEEK rejection for points. For example, you may ask out Miss I-dont-have-a-chance-with-her Super-Hottie expecting a rejection, maybe even hoping for one. After all, you are at N! The problem with this method is that, on occasion, you are met with success and must unfortunately start over.

An ego boost, perhaps, but a definite game buster.

HAVE FUN!

* Note: Here's an opportunity for me to get letters. Comment on this and tell me how badly I screwed this up. Tell me all of the rules and regulations I have skipped. Tell me how worthless this post is. Go ahead, MAKE MY DAY!