CollegeHumor: North Carolina State Articles

The Weekly WYR - January 29, 2009

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 04:01:20 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Well it is the time of the week Jake used to call his favorite time of the week. Now that he is gone, I wonder if he ever really meant it at all. I like to think he did. Anyway you know the drill and as always post any WYRs you may want to ask in the comments or in an e-mail to WeeklyWYR@gmail.com

Would Your Rather...

Only speak in Lol cat or sound like Boxxy? From Katie
Lose one thumb or lose both big toes? From Paul
Have regular sex with a supermodel that you can't tell anyone about be thought to be gay or have sex with an average girl and have everyone know you are straight? From Riley
Have a week straight of snowdays or go to school but actually have power at your house? From Sarah
Spend your entire life on a hippie commune or spend your entire life on a military base? From Kaci
Only be able to speak in Will Ferrell quotes or Dennis Miller rants? From Peter
Have a perpetual sore throat or a perpetual burnt tongue and roof of mouth? From Josh

And this week's "Look you contributed to something you despise" award goes to Hate Fest who asked

WYR be a loser who continues a shitty article or have a life and not be a virgin?

As we got 8 Likes and 17 comments, I will keep this up. However, I need you to keep suggesting WYRs. Basically, if one gets sent it gets published right now. If it drops off I will probably have to stop.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104006"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/default/collegehumor.baby.23.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104006">No Longer Signed In</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Weekly WYR - January 22, 2009

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 01:18:41 -0500

Roll around naked on rusty nails and thumbtacks or Rosie O'Donnel? From Gallagher
Always sound like you are crying or always sound like you're completely sarcastic? From Chris
Have the secret powers of Alex Mack or not be a radioactive mutant hunted by an evil corporation? From Alex
Co-own a business run by George W Bush or co-own a basketball team run by Isaiah Thomas? From Patrick
Have complete political and criminal immunity or be completely immune to all drugs and illness? From Sarah
Have a home, food, and steady income in Ellesmere Island, Canada (farthest northern town in Canada) or be completely homeless and broke with no family in El Paso, Texas? From Leigh
Look like Clint Howard and sound like Morgan Freeman or look like Brad Pitt and sound like Fran Drescher? From Jenny
Have one line in a film that won a Best Picture Oscar or win a Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor/Actress? From Jonas
Be Micahel Vick's pitbull or Andy Dick's lover? From Javier
Still have The Weekly WYR even though it is done by some random person or let it be retired by the staff of College Humor? From Me

This week's winner of the "Carlos Mencia" award go to Justin, who asked:

Would you rather smoke fake weed with Peter Frampton or smoke real weed with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton

Well, I hope I did a some what reputable job. Post your WYR's in the comments or send them to WeeklyWYR@gmail.com

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STDs

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 15:52:39 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Babies are the worst STDs ... at least AIDS has the decency to kill you

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Burnette

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 22:31:27 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> View Article ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1151182"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/f/collegehumor.37117f6684d0f242dd73071fa3eef9cf.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1151182">Jared Teachey</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748425">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A sad state of affairs

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 12:40:08 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Streeter Seidell

Jeff Rubin

Sarah Schneider

Ricky Van Veen

We still like you guys even if wikipedia wants to end your existence

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:7389"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/e/collegehumor.cede3f07b193990716c257eec86604d2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:7389">Beernard</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1742465">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Ultimate Ultimatum

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 16:49:26 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After going to the theater to enjoy the third installment of the Bourne series, "The Bourne Ultimatum" this past weekend, I just couldn't help noticing how bad-ass Jason Bourne is. If you've screened any of the three films in the trilogy, you know exactly what I mean. He uses any item in the room to gain an advantage, he can "man" car wrecks (sustain, for the goobers out there), and he doesn't ruin the film with overly complex monologues. But later that night at a party, the ultimate debate began. Is he truly the best? In a tournement of the strongest action fighters, would he prevail? Only one way to find out. Tournement to the death!!!

Just a few rules...These guys need atleast two action films to their credit, ya' know, for clout and shit. Also, no super powers. So Wolverine and Hulk have to hang back on this challenge. Sorry fellas. Attributes are listed on a five point scale.

Keep in mind, these aren't the actors at stake here. The votes should be cast based on the role for the specific movie(s) listed. So no fat Russell Crowe votes, and no Good Will Hunting Damon votes either. Without further adieu...

#1 Seed - Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) .VS. #8 Seed - Nathan Jones (Nathan Jones)

Jason Bourne is the star of the best action film of 2007, hands down. He isn't a superhero, but he was programmed with some serious shit. If you haven't seen the flick yet, jus' wait til' you see how he works a villian down using a hardback, George Wilburn novel. His opponent, Nathan Jones, started as a pro wrestler before becoming the guy that Asian martial artists beat up on in the movies. Jones is cool, and strong too, but leaves something to be desired when it comes to hand-to-hand combat.

Bourne	vs	Jones
***	Power	*****
****	Speed	*1/2
**	Intimidation	****1/2
*****	Skill	*1/2
*****	Ruthlessness	***
Bourne Series	Claim to Fame	Troy, Protector

#2 Seed - Liu Jian (Jet Li) #7 Seed.VS. "Iceman" Chambers (M. Jai White)

Here's the thing. I had a hard time trying to decide which Jet Li would get the nod. There are vast differences in Liu Jian from "Kiss of the Dragon" and the Jet Li that appears in "The One". If you don't feel me, jus' check out the final scene in "The One" where Li fights hundreds of his clones, who are damn near super-human. So to give "Iceman" a chance, we held back a bit. Chambers appeared in Undisputed II (straight to DVD) and was the protagonist from Spawn. Before you hand the match over to Li, download Undisputed II and reconsider.

Jian	vs	Chambers
**1/2	Power	****
*****	Speed	***
***	Intimidation	****
****1/2	Skill	***
****	Ruthlessness	**
Kiss of the Dragon, The One	Claim to Fame	Undisputed 2, Spawn

#3 Seed - Kham (Tony Jaa) .VS. #6 Seed - Maximus (Russell Crowe)

I know that Maximus is the shit. No argument here. Hell he is probably the only fighter in the tourney, vocal and intimidating enough to lead a Roman army. But...did you see "The Protector"? If you haven't, you should think twice before picking on elephants or eating Elephant Ears at the state fair for that matter. Kham, the lightest fighter in the tourney next to Li, doesn't need a weightclass because his skills make it a non-factor.

Kham	vs	Maximus
***1/2	Power	***1/2
****1/2	Speed	***
***	Intimidation	****
*****	Skill	****1/2
****	Ruthlessness	***
The Protector, Ong-Bak	Claim to Fame	Gladiator

#4 Seed - Frank Martin (Statham) .VS. #5 Seed - Jackie Chan (Chan)

I like Jackie Chan as much as the next action film fan. He was the guy who introduced most of my generation to the genre of kung-fu flicks. He's also the only guy that can beat your ass in the midst of running from your strikes. And he jumps through ladders. Frank Martin is still relatively new to the scene, only making films from 2000 on up, but that doesn't change the fact he's bad-ass. Check out the opening from Transporter 2 where villians catch a "L" with everything from a steel pipe to a industrial water hose. This one is a toss up.

Martin	vs	Chan
****	Power	**1/2
****	Speed	****1/2
****1/2	Intimidation	***
***	Skill	****
***	Ruthlessness	1/2
Transporter Series	Claim to Fame	All Chan Movies

Check back in a week and a half for fight reviews as well as the winners that advanced. What do you think? Place you votes for each of the four fights with the comments, your votes will affect the outcome.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1131437"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/7/collegehumor.485baeae7943cfbaf402e8276a5f3b57.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1131437">Drew Hanner</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

First Deposit in the Spank Bank

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 14:53:13 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Where is Clarissa when I need to explain why my pants are down and I'm out of breath?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:122731"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/7/collegehumor.ca64fc364f58a1bb9d64f237c532a4f2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:122731">Timmy C</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Back to community college.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 03:31:21 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> You know what's worse than the freshman 15?

The freshman 9 pounds, 12 ounces.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:478675"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/6/collegehumor.134eb8bc137c8135342d26e6c3c36939.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:478675">Nick</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Never Forget ... to set your alarm clock

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 12:49:43 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> My class is at 10:15 and it takes me thirty minutes to ready and to class.� However, today I wanted to eat some breakfast so I set my alarm for 9:11.� Too soon?

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The Longest Winter Campout: How Hot Jew Ass Saved My Life and Helped Me Beat Elvis

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 17:33:55 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The names in this account have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty equally plus I like giving people I know funny different names. If you want to know who who is and you were there then leave a comment with your name on it. This story will take on many different forms depending on how well I remember the events I describe and recount. And of course I have taken creative license with a few sections of work, and if you don't enjoy it Kiss my black Ass

The following takes place between 4:37pm and 12:00:00am on the night of the Carolina Ticket Campout
4:37pm January, 26 2007: Camp-out day is here for tickets to the game against those Jerks from down the road and now my phone is ringing
"Hey Alex" says a friendly voice on the phone "Hey Charo, what's up?"
"Oh nothing much I was just calling to tell you we are gonna meet over here at 6:30, then go to our spot in line." "Alright see you there" "Later". And just like that I knew when the ball would start rolling.Charo Rehan is pretty cool, she's Jewish which apparently she doesn't tell alot of people so when I'm around her and other people I pick up the slack by making sure I bring it up in conversations, but not nearly as often as she brings up the fact that I'm Black and some how disappoint her with my non-stereotypical behavior. By the way "Alex" is short for Alexavier Scorpio, and not only am I doing ticket camp out, I'm also running in the Krispy Kreme Challenge the next morning and the plan is to do it all with little or no sleep at all.
5:50: Normally I would be watching PTI at this time but I've got to at least start to get ready. I pack 4 bottles of water, an extra long sleeve shirt, one and a half boxes of Gushers, a three pound bag of my favorite kind of apples, sweet Fuji the dominator of all apple types in my opinion, my other pair of gases and my shades to run in if I choose to in the morning.
6:31: I'm now officially one minute late but think it's okay because I'm on BPT(Black People Time) which for my family is any where from 30 minutes to and Hour behind regular time. So me being "1 minute late" is like getting there with tons of time to spare. I note this joke in my mind and am determined to use it when I get to the room because I feel there is a 99.9% chance that I'm the only Black guy in this group. So before I just go barging in I call Charo to make sure that they haven't actually left and Lo-and behold they are still there. So I go up to the room and there are like 3 guys in there only one that I actually know, Quillan Pooky, then the rest like this Landers Dallas, the ex-boyfriend and still best friend of Charo Rehan who doesn't go to school here but came to camp out to hang out, Fausto Stockton, fraternity brother of Quillan who like me is doing the Krispy Kreme Challenge in the morning, then there was this guy in a Hoody that I didn't quite get his name so I'll call him "Hoody". So we're all up here and of course all the guy are ready to transform and roll out, meanwhile Marianne and Charo are doing their hair and getting dressed and of course getting a hard time from us. "Why did you have us show up so early if you two weren't ready yourselves" Quillan mused. "Because we thought everyone would be late and and we didn't want to be late" said Marianne. The general concensus was that if we were going to be late it would be because of the girls no matter how much trouble a guy had.
6:45: YAY, Marianne and Charo are ready to go, Oh wait never mind Charo can't find her matching shoe. Is this a bad omen for the night?????
6:46: So the shoe switch is now complete and we are walking E X T R E M E L Y S L O W towards the camp site. Still we get to the spot within 10 minutes. Interesting side bar I used the BPT joke in the room and it was like no one heard me. Blessing in disguise? Probably the joke was flawed plus it wasn't as much a joke as a statement I really gotta work on that. Second side bar our group name is "we are really good people and very humbl". - Lie
7:05: Tent's up!. Quillan, Fausto and I put it together while everyone else was doing something else. Charo went to get flashlights, Marianne is doing managerial type work in with the tent raising going on behind her. So we finally have it raised and then we see that it's door is facing the woods and train tracks . That's no good. Marianne steps in to help turn the tent in a 180 and get it facing the right way
7:30: First line check is through us so Fausto checks out, and Hoody and his friend who showed up and I guess is also in the group leave and we don't see them for the rest of the night. Charo, Marianne, Quiillan and Landers all jumped back into the tent and I choose to go see what’s going on around the site. Nothing they got a car to smash but it's not time yet then there will be a movie around Midnight with some fan contest interspersed. It's not that cold to be honest but it's boring waiting for the car smash to begin so I go into the tent and lay down
8:30: So we've been here for about 90 minutes and everyone is checking the time way too often for time to take off. I've been in and out of the tent a couple of times and about as far as to Reynolds to watch the car smashing. I want to do it but at this point after watching so many people go I'm starting to question my own strength and willingness to do this. It's not a lack of hate for those jerks it's just that I'm one of the smaller weaker out of shape guys I know. So I sit and wait talk to a few people for a while while the big guys take off the hood and trunk lid. Then I start timing people to see how long they go, about the minutes with some crazy guys going for 5-6 minutes. So my time finally comes and I take my first shot at the Break Fluid cap. Unbeknownst to me this car is fresh off the road. I smash the cap and get break fluid on my face and arm and a couple of people behind me. Then it's on to the front bumper for a couple of swings but I'm not getting the movement out it, so I decide to attack the motor and the exhaust pipes that are coming out of it. It is around this point that I notice what can only be a Technician photographer taking my picture. My energy doubled and all of a sudden I was a new man. I start to attack the A-post and passenge side door. While I don't actually do major damage I feel like I was in a good position if that Photog has any skill I should see myself in an awesome action shot in the paper this Monday morning. But back to the immediate aftermath of my attack on the car. My hands felt like they had just spent and hour in a freezer. I had no feeling in my fingers and they were killing me and... Oh look FREE pizza from the back of a truck is here....
8:45: My finger still hurt like a motherfucker I can't get any heat into them. I got back to the tent and it was just Marianne and Quillan sitting there. I don't know what they were talking about cause I was busy trying to get my finger working again. They appreciated the pizza and had some then I basically doubled over in pain from not being able to feel my fingertips. I was literally on my knees over my hands trying to feel my own face. Eventually Fausto shows up and he got a pizza to. It wasn't long behind me, maybe 3-5 minutes I tried to go back out and get some more but they were all out. I went back into the tent and then Landers and Charo came back and this is when things start to get crazy
9:15: An ambulance siren is heard and as is the natural thing to do everyone and their mother comes out of their tents to see whats going on and before the ambulance can get where its going in the Reynolds parking lot all we can see is someone lying down with a officer kneeling next to them. So this little event brings all of us out as well and then Charo see's a "friend"(Wink, Wink, Nod, Nod) and talks to him for a while then her and Marianne go off to just walk to see if they find anyone they know. So that leaves me, Quillan, and Landers sitting around talking about something that wasn't interesting to me. I could make something up but it's not worth my time.
9:40: So the girls come back and ultimately we form up into the extended spooning line that goes Quillan, Marianne, Landers, Charo then me. Just for the record at this time we are facing, so in a way you probably inferred from the list, I'm on my side and facing no one's back. Out in the open if you will, this was probably a result of my non-stop movement that I was doing earlier in the night where I would be in and out of the tent. So we are lying there again when all of a sudden there was a crash and a cheer from a crowd. Now that I'm writing this I want to say my first thought was actually "they flipped the car" but I'm not sure it was now that I look back. But I do know that once I heard it go down I jumped up and looked out the tent and there was literally a mob of people about 15-20 strong, and they were all moving in the direction of Talley Student Center in mass it was HI-Larious.
10:00: So after the random gang has flipped the car, we get back to serious spooning business. Like really serious, it's only 10 we are all lying down and no one is actually trying to go to sleep. But no one is talking it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen or done 5 people spooning, for the most part no one was crazy drunk at this time yet nothing was being said. So then the R-tards "running" the event come over their speaker and say that the people responsible for turning the car over need to turn themselves in by 11 or they might cancel the rest of campout. I wasn't worried about them stopping the campout cause I figured they wouldn't. Also I was more worried about my position in the spooning line. I was still number 5 had Charo behind me and was literally using whatever I could find as a pillow ending up with Fausto's Camo bag which had a Case of Beer in it as my main support. Good for most people but not for me in this situation. I didn't want to go to sleep so it was good that I had this case as a pillow but I would also like to avoid future neck and back problems that would surely come from lying on a box for 12 hours. Then all of a sudden like someone fighting Scorpion from Mortal Kombat there was an arm and a pull and I think I might have also heard "Get Over Here!!!" but it was Charo pulling me back towards the spoon line. I wasn't quite sure how to say it but I said the first thing to come to my mind "Uh, Charo you might wanna get your junk checked cause my ass is on fire".
10:05-11:30: It was kinda one of those "you had to be there" things although I don't think I got much of a rise out of anyone in the tent either but by this time I'm willing to laugh at my own jokes And be the only one doing so(kinda like this one). So anyways I don't know what if anything Landers was doing on the other side of Charo or if it was just natural body escaping through like 3 pais of pants for her, but I, through 3 of my own pair of pants, could feel the heat and thought that she might be smuggling the sun in pants it was ass sweating heat. So after a little while of having my ass toasted by Charo' s crotch, her, Marianne and Landers decide it's time for a refill on their beverages and head back to the room. So this leaves Quillon, Fausto, who has been trying to get some sleep for the race tomorrow, and myself. So me and Quillon start talking about nothing in particular how we feel about the current situation, the state of our lives and then our philosophies, this is where I decided I was definitely gonna add this guy as a facebook friend cause he said he was (a) God and pretty much supported he clam to it with a logical argument. I could not argue with his logic and why would I want to. Every time I've hung around him he's been the same, pretty awesome, quick wit, the kind of person I would want on my side basically.
11:35: So anyway Marianne eventually comes back alone and the first thing she here's when she steps in the tent is "So are they boning?" "No" of course is the answer then a few minutes later they show up. I believe it was at this point that we tried to play Trivial Pursuit and Marianne was reading the questions first, then she started to have trouble with a few words and Charo took the cards and started to read then I took them then we stopped cause we all realized how dumb of an idea that was they were partially drunk and I just stopped caring. So maybe 15 minutes later we are all lying down spooning but going it the other direction order is now Myself, Charo, Landers, Marianne and Quillan and once again I was hanging back cause now there is a hot Jew ass in my lap and balls are sweating from the insane amounts of heat she's putting off. Not that I'm complaining about the ass in my lap, it's what the ass brings with it in this case heat and lots of it. Enough of it to keep me alive and comfortable all night long and to power me through the end of the Krispy Kreme Challenge.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:7389"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/e/collegehumor.cede3f07b193990716c257eec86604d2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:7389">Beernard</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1162"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1719495">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Nick Lies

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 19:06:53 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The more I think about it, Calrissa didn't explain anything ... let alone "it all"

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