First of all, no doofus is going to read a lame ass article written by some delusional chick and then suddenly change his perspective on life and on how to treat women. This is essentialy some dumb little girl's personal gripe about men that somehow made its way into Men's Health. Then again, Men's Health is a pretty shitty magazine. Every month is the same fucking issue. Every issue claims to have the secrets to iron-like, oil-glistening, six pack abs within 10 minutes and the secret techniques of super-fucking that will create 83 orgasms for your woman - at once. There's always at least one page that explains how to do proper squats and deadlifts, or some crappy yoga-looking exercise involving a giant rubber dodge ball. Or whatever those things are. Then there's some obvious dumbass advice about how you should stop eating whoppers for breakfast if you don't want to end up as a fatass. It's amazing how a magazine with a half-naked dude on the cover sells so well to other men.

Second - the tone on these lists are so fucking pompous. It's always got this know-it-all tone of voice, like we should all listen to you just because you got a cooch and you know what's best for us. One of the things on her list is "Stop blatantly looking at porn." That's one of the dumbest suggestions I've ever read. Men should never take advice from women. Ever.

Cut this shit out with the unrealistic expectations - men are messy, stupid, and it's a proven fact that two out of three of them are assholes. Get used to it, or consider munching carpet for the rest of your life. Which I am fine with, as long as I get to watch.

Perhaps you will better understand how stupid these lists are if I made one just for women:

1. stop expecting dudes to read your mind

Women get mad at men for not having the psychic ability to figure out her crazy hormone drenched thinking. If I could read your mind, the first thing I would do is try to figure out how to get you to do a threesome with your hot friend - not figure out why you're mad. Maybe this dialog will sound familiar to you:

Guy: What's wrong?
Girl (emphatically): Nothing.

Stop right there. That's where you done fucked up. Either tell him, or expect him to resume his porno watching or video games or whatever cool activity he was doing.

2. stop having periods

It's annoying and gross. And you're always really pissed off about it. So stop.

3. stop complaining that you are fat

Whether skinny or fat, all women pretty much complain that they're fat. It's pretty lame when some skinny chick says she's fat. Somewhere out there, a real fat girl is probably stuffing her face with ice cream because you said that, and now she feels the need to compensate her feelings - by eating more. Good job you bitch.

Don't think that just because you really are fat, that you are exempt from this. Nothing is as awkward as when a truly fat woman complains about being fat, and then I have to mollify her by lying.

4. stop complaining that "you end up dating bad guys"

I fucking hate it when women say they "always end up dating bad guys" and then claim that it's because they have this inherent nice-ness that makes them want to change his ways. No. You're wrong. You date bad guys who treat you shitty because you're a fucking idiot. And he knows it, which is why he's not going to stop doing what he's doing. So stop victimizing yourself and making it look like you're some altruistic good girl by saying that you keep falling for the bad guys. In reality, you're just a total dumbass and for some reason nature never provided you with a sense of self-preservation. Idiot.

5. silence is golden

Sometimes, I really don't want to hear about your day. It's not that I don't care - I just want you to shut up so I can watch UFC and drink my beer.

6. why don't YOU open the door for ME

Women are the biggest hypocrites ever. Always wanting to be taken care of, yet to be given ample space and independance - and most of the time women can't figure out where the fucking middle ground is. They are the biggest supporters of double standards; always demanding certain rights and forgoing responsibilities that come with it. They always want to be cuddled, coddled and to have doors opened for them, but they don't want you to be a little sissy at the same time. Can't you make up your fucking mind? Or maybe you can just shut the fuck up and open the door for me once in a while, you whiny whore.

7. stop whining about the lack of good guys

There's a point where your nagging about the insufficient amount of good men in the world becomes just plain retarded. Don't blame men for your shortcomings and your inability to compromise. Stop expecting us to be all perfect like some silly, wuss of a dick head in those sissy Korean drama shows.

"It seems like all the good men are either taken or gay."

No. You're fat, stupid and have a crappy personality and have unrealistic expectations that are unwarranted by your ugly face. That's why you can't get a good guy. Have a nice day, bitch.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

On Nov 1, 2007 5:34 PM, chucky <*****@yahoo.com> wrote:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

I was wondering if it were possible to just buy the box spring and frame?

let me know

- chucky

----- Original Message ----
From: Prema
To: chucky <*****@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thursday, November 1, 2007 5:37:21 PM
Subject: Re: full size mattress

chucky -

unfortunately the frame is sold, but i would be willing to sell the boxspring for $60.

- Prema

 /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

hmm...just the box spring...would you be willing to sell for $50?
- chucky

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

----- Original Message ----
From: Prema
To: chucky <*****@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, November 2, 2007 10:59:40 AM
Subject: Re: full size mattress

i'm sorry but i got it for alot more than that, $50 is as low as I can sell it for right now.
- Prema

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

On Nov 4, 2007 1:32 PM, chucky <*****@yahoo.com> wrote:

Okay I am willing to buy it then. I'm actually just down the street from sherman and foster - if you can let me know when is a good time for me to come by and pick it up/pay you, then that'd be great.

thanks!

- chucky

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

----- Original Message ----
From: Prema
To: chucky <*****@yahoo.com>

Sent: Thursday, November 8, 2007 9:31:38 AM
Subject: Re: full size mattress

Hi chucky

You paid me $50 yesterday although on email you'd agreed to pay $60. I'm hoping that you did that by accident, I would have been willing to negotiate in person yesterday if you'd just asked instead of handing me less cash and leaving.

Just wanted to inform you of that, in case you were unaware, giving people less than what was agreed upon, on a deal in craigslist is what messes with the goodwill of the system. I hope you never have to deal with that in your own transactions in the future.

-prema.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

On Nov 8, 2007 9:59 AM, chucky <*****@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hello Prema

I am genuinely hurt that you would think that I would try to cheat you out of $10. That's barely 2 mexican pizza meals at taco bell! I know us chinese are cheap but we're not so bad that we'd try to pay you less and then just run away with a box spring mattress, however funny that would have been to see 5 chinese guys running down the street with a box spring on their shoulders with you chasing us. That is youtube material for sure. Anyways, you could have just come outside, or stopped me right there and asked me about it.

This was probably a misunderstanding - if you check our email history on this thread (it's attached to every message we've been relaying, as well as in your outbox/inbox history), then you can see that you did say that $50 is as low as you can go, and I agreed to pay that. Perhaps a typo? I guess they just put the 5 and 6 too close to each other on the keyboard. Gotta watch out for that.

For the sake of the goodwill of the system, if you wish, I can come back and pay you the remaining $10. However you will have to accept it in the form of 200 nickels in an old gym sock because you accused me of trying to cheat you without even checking our email thread. I only live a block away from you so this is easy to arrange.

best,
chucky

To: chucky <*****@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thursday, November 8, 2007 10:05:10 AM
Subject: Re: full size mattress

oh shoot.
you're right. I did type 50 when i meant 60. I should've checked my email before i responded.
I'm sorry, btw i didn't in any way imply anything about your ethnicity or mentioned it (i've never thought chinese are cheap..!) Please ignore that last email. And thank you for letting me know I was wrong, I do appreciate it, I would hate to wrongly accuse someone, and the mistake was entirely mine.

-Prema

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

On Nov 8, 2007 10:14 AM, chucky <*****@yahoo.com> wrote:

I'm actually Korean.

It's okay I was just kidding...for the most part.

By the way, I slept great on it yesterday. Definitely worth the $50. Possibly worth even $60.

the man,
chucky

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

This is the definitive, complete, and totally badass guide to dating Asian Girls. You can especially rely on it because it's been written by an Asian Guy who can speak Asian and would totally know how these crazy sexy exotic asian dragon bitches think. Without this guide, you were just a poor lost soul - but now that you have found enlightenment, you can live out those dreams you've always had of "dating at least one asian girl." I'm here to help and save the day my friends.

Tip #1: The easiest catch

The number one rule to dating an asian girl is to know which ones to go after. There's no point in going after the ones who have no interest in your white ass and have that rule of only dating koreans because they want to carry on the race or some crazy notion like that. Know that there are only two types of asian girls that have a predisposition for white boys. The white washed asian chick, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, the china girl who just arrived in America last week. They are the most common types of asian girls that will go for a white dude like yourself. Keep your focus limited to these two groups, and I will explain how to handle each type of girl.

Finding the white washed asians

Normally, asian girls flock around in groups discussing all sorts of exotic foreign crap you will never understand, like hello kitty and general tso chicken recipes. But that's exactly what makes her hot, right? In general, if you see numerous asian girls in a group without a hint of diversity, then you want to avoid them. They are most likely interested in dating Asians rather than you. Fortunately for you, to find the whitey asian girl it's easy. Just look for any group of white girls that only has one token asian in it. That's her. That's the "I only date white guys" asian girl. It's really that easy, my friend. They will be able to relate to you on more levels as well, so don't worry if you can't use chopsticks or don't like to take your shoes off when you go inside places. In all probability, neither does her white-washed ass. Find her, and just talk to her like you would to any other white chick - and in no time you'll be having many long nights of playing ultimate frisbee and hacky sack.

Finding the fobs

The fobby no-english asian chick is easier to detect, and quite possibly even easier to bag in comparison to the white-asian girl (I believe "twinkie" and "bananas" are the politically correct terms, but I have no use for such things.) All you have to do is keep your ears open for some broke ass english. Once you track her down, make sure you emphasize certain things that will interest her, like the fact that you are a U.S. citizen and can speak english. And make sure you always laugh at her jokes, no matter how terrible her english is. Ignore the fact that nothing she says makes sense and that you cannot really communicate with her. Stay focused on what matters, which is banging her. If you don't know where to start looking for these elusive fobs, try to find places that would attract traditional asian people. Specifically places that might cater to their needs - I believe Wendy's serves oriental chicken salads. That would indeed attract orientals, and so that might be a good place to start.

Tip #2: Emphasize your penis size

Asian girls are only interested in you because some poor asian goober out there failed to satisfy her with his tiny little panda express dick. You, and you only, with your gigantic enzyte white cock could satisfy her. So make sure you point out to her at some point during your first date that your caucasian penis is huge. Feel free to whip it out for her during dinner. Make a clever reference to it; call it your "spring roll"

Tip #3: Be culturally sensitive. Take her to eat sushi

Be culturally sensitive. You have to take her to a place that won't offend her, all the while providing food that will fit her palate. At first, Olive Garden might seem like a good choice since they serve noodles, but you have to remember that Asians don't know how to use forks. There's really only one option left at this point; if you are a white guy on a date with an asian girl, take her to a sushi place - because I guarantee you will be the first one to have thought this. Impress her with your vast knowledge of asian culture by ordering some crappy americanized green tea like Snapple Green Tea. Top it off with a daring order of Philadelphia roll.

Tip #4: Be dominant

Asian chicks are all totally submissive. You must be the badass raging manly yang to their quiet submissive bitch-ass yin. Always be loud and make boisterous claims you can't ever hope to back up. Be pushy and command her to do things. Asian girls will absolutely eat that up because they are so submissive and just love it when they're told to do things. Make sure you walk into the room with this assertive personality, and I guarantee success with her. Kick her once or twice just to show her what's up.

Tip #5: Never go to an Asian club

Since Asians are racists, clubs usually designate one night out of the week that's referred to as "asian night" or "chinga chang chang night" or something cool like that. Even though it would seem like a good idea to go to where all the asian chicks are, don't be a idiot and show up there. First of all, you will stick out like a sore thumb, and most of all, you cannot possibly label yourself more as desperate for that asian poon tang pie. If you feel that it is a must for you to check out racially-designated events, a safer alternative is an Asian church. The one white guy at the all asian congregation is usually lot less creepy than the one white guy at the asian club. You can quote me on that.

Tip #6: Make clever movie references that she can relate to

Make at least one reference at some point to "me love you long time" or maybe a line or two from "Better Luck Tomorrow." Nothing makes an Asian happier than references to those two movies.

Tip #7: Dress like a bitch

Make it very clear to her that you know how to dress well in a way that's tasteful to her. Asian girls love it when guys look feminine. Listen carefully if you dig those perverted extra horny Japanese girls. First thing you have to do is grow a mullet, preferably with side burns. Once you got that, just do anything that might make you look like a little girl. Paint your nails, trim your eyebrows, put on eye liner, wear some lip gloss and make sure you wear jeans that look like they're trying to choke the fucking life out of your balls. Wear a purse and some dangling earrings. At this point you should look like a bitch, which is exactly how you're going to get laid.

If that won't get an asian chick to fall in love then I don't know what will. If you find this bit of advice incredulous, google japanese male models and you will see how right I am, and that you need to go out and buy some blue eye shadow and start looking like a bitch immediately.