CollegeHumor: Oklahoma State Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735681 Condensed version of the battles of Salamis & Thermopylae Sun, 08 Jul 2007 04:08:19 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735681 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> One day I decided that I just wasn't understanding my long, drawn out notes in my Ancient Mesopotamian History class so I began to take "condensed notes."  Here's just one "page" of my notes during this lecture.



P.S. I don't know why I wrote the Battle of Salamis at the top when it came after the Battle of Thermopylae. W/e.

View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1052658"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/2/collegehumor.9b82966349c82d07e8c18802bb9bfb2d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1052658">Rachel</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:423"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734697 Shmedliest Smatch Sat, 23 Jun 2007 18:50:29 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734697 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
    I watch Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel a lot.  A whole lot.  It is such that I have to masturbate while watching the show, or I won't get in my 5.5 required hours of penile abuse.   

    What I've noticed during these sweaty, heavy breathing viewings is that every show is exactly the same.  Por ejemplo:

STEP 1: Crusty, rich fishermen try to catch King Crab

STEP 2: Bad shit happens to crusty, rich fisherman: freezing weather, people falling overboard, attempted anal rape by fellow lonely, crusty fishermen, etc.  Why would Jesus H. God put such tasty crustaceans in such a taint of a place?

STEP 3: CRF (crusty, rich fishermen) catch crab.  There is much rejoicing and celebratory banter. 

STEP 4: I don't give a shit, go back to step one.  It's fucking cold.

    After pumping myself up (get it?  It's another masturbation joke, which brings our total up to 7!) I decided that this is a job that I could surely do.  Deadliest Catch?  More like Shmedliest Smatch! Ball's in your court Discovery.

    So I got a plane ticket as soon as possible to what Crab Wranglers call Lucifer's Country Breakfast, or in layman's terms, Alaska.



    A kindly old crabbin' cap'n was willing to let me on his boat.  This is a minute-by-minute account of my tenure on his intimidating fishing boat, The Kinky Mongoose. 



8:04 AM: The Mongoose leaves port.  I feel that this may be a worthwhile venture for my constitution.  The sun rises red.  I think I read somewhere that this is a good sign!  Or maybe it was in The Goonies, I can't remember.



8:06 AM: The deck boss teaches me how to cut up cod for bait.  I admire the deck boss.  He reminds me of Jack Palance if Jack Palance wasn't so fucking creepy.



8:17 AM: I die thrashing from hypothermia after falling overboard into the icy, briny deep.  My corpse will be picked clean by the wily creatures I sought to catch and eventually dip in butter.  Surely my bones will bleach upon the shore of some Aleutian Island where an Inuit woman will use my pelvis to clean a caribou for her newborn son.  Fucking bitch. 



That's all I really have to say on the subject for right now.  Tune in next time for...I don't know...more dick jokes?               

View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:14847"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/f/collegehumor.a353e06c8dd4ff7c98c7f00f87c7df5e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:14847">Jeff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:423"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734697">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />