Actor, Mel Gibson:  "What Woman Want: to remain Forever Young, the key to your Braveheart, and complete command of your Lethal Weapon. Also, Payback after you've lost all control of that Lethal Weapon. Four times. "
                                                         
Actress, Jennifer Anniston: "1.You have to be Friends first. 2.You should strive to be The Good Girl. 3. Rumor Has It, Love just Happens. Unless of course it's Derailed by some puffy-mouthed Boyfriend Raider. This could inevitably be the cause of The Break Up"

President, Barack Obama: "Change. Yes--you can."

Retired Actress, Alicia Silverstone: "I think that it has to be very deep [a relationship]. I think it has to be deep in the way that it is very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

Rapper, Weezy F. Baby: "Fuck Bitches, get money."


...Okay, maybe you should just listen to your friends.

I'm sure you get thousands of fan letters so I understand if you don't reply. Tonight I wept in sorrow knowing that I will no longer be able to slowly drift to sleep listening to your soulful music, and witty banter with Mr. Leno. Since you are ending your career with the Tonight Show, I know must be concerned about your future. I can put your talents of laughing a mediocre jokes to good use and give you a sense of stability in these troubling times. I would like to offer you a job offer to help fill the gapping void in your life you must now be feeling. Although I cannot offer you a salary, benefits or even television airtime,I am offering you the chance to come and live at my home, (actually my Parents) and be the band leader in my own talk show. The show is performed five nights a week in my studio (Actually my parents living room.) We have been receiving great reviews from my mother. I am a budding young comic who plans to break into the exciting world of talk show hosting. I know that with your help I may be able to rise to the level of a public access television host. Please respond back so we can work out the details in further.

From the years of watching the show I am well aware of your marijuana, pornography and masturbation additions. I want to make myself perfectly clear and lay down some ground rules before my parents will let you come over.

HOUSE RULES

Keep masturbation to the bathroom only and no longer that 15 minutes. Also do use the good hand towels for cleaning purposes

You cannot invite an of your negro jazz musicians into the house without first giving proper notice (My mother doesn't trust them)

You may never speak about the Philadelphia Eagles in a positive light and the hat must not be worn in the house. (Sorry Philly sucks)

I know you get the munchies in your dope fueled haze. Please chip in for food and don't eat the last of the cereal

Thank you,

I look forward to hearing back from you

Crossword#2 Answers

Across:

3.DoctorWilly

5.Linka

8.VanillaSnow

9.Kazaam

10.Evolution

11.Brolsma

12.PeteHolmes

13.TheOldManandTheSeymour

14.DerickComedy

15.Weezer

&nbsp

Down:

1.WorldofWarcraft

2.JumpMan

4.Lolcat

6.TwoGirlsOneCup

7.Mo

Across:

1. nick

3. cupcake

7. ransom

11. streeterbombs

13. meh

14. pong

15. andybloom

16. ericasullivan

Down:

2: ----mess up...supposed to be IfaughtTheLolAndTheLolWon

4. powerthirst

5. yongwei

6. ----messed up---supposed to spell out Oct. 23

8. maryland

9. wolff (she writes the parents just dont understand articles)

10. psu

12. rickrolling

Today, as I walked to class, I found myself stuck behind you for an agonizing 22 seconds. Though I tried to get around you numerous times, I was blocked by the upheaval of your enormous cellulite-filled fundament. When I strayed left, you strayed left. When I strayed right, you strayed right. Were you aware of my presence? Did you sense my movements? That I could not say. I can say, however, that overhearing you yowl over your roommate forgetting your birthday to your mother over the phone did bring some gladness to my gloom. Still, as I followed in your shadow I impatiently waited for my chance to pass.

Finally, it came. An opening in the barricade! And I took it. I stepped to it like a basilisk steps to water; swiftly and with great speed. And our bodies passed. As I continued onto physics class, I gave one last look your way. My eyes gazed threw your black, thick-rhymed glasses, and I could see you were well aware of what had just happened. You knew the final whistle had blown in this match; you would have to remain lurking around campus, searching for a new victim for your sick, twisted little game. Because today Mrs. Slow-Walker, I prevailed. ¼/p>