A brief history of title-character abandonment

Other photos ruined by the inquisitive squirrel

Equally uncomfortable diplomatic meetings

The outcast works up the nerve to talk to the popular kid

Jane: Thanks for meeting me here.Zac: Whoa. How long have you been waiting outside the locker room?Jane: Never mind that. I know this sounds crazy-you don't even know me! But...I have feelings for you, Zac.Zac: (sigh) Jane, there's only like 70...

A Notice to Failures Everywhere: Today is Your Day

Now is the time to live up to your complete lack of potential!  No matter how badly you screw up at work today, your blunders will never be on the level of injecting too much propofol into the back muscles of a man-waif who is responsible for...

The making of Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms

Red: Green,we have to talk. I think I'm...strawberried.Green: But, I don't understand. You're chocolate.R: I know I'm chocolate, I've just been having all these feelings. These...sweet, fruity feelings. G: It's just a promotion, Red. It's...

Ten FML's You Wont See On The Website

A site that is gaining popularity, or should i say one that is popular is fmylife.com. ‰f you dont know what it is, its a site dedicated to people to tell a statement of how there life was f'ed that day. "ome of it I think is made up and some...

The Evening News from the closet under the stairs

If I acted like my computer did on the first day of work

Boss: Jesse!Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.Me: That's improbable.Boss:...

The True Nature of a Journey

I awoke in the dark several hours later. My chamber was empty, but there was a bottle of Monastic Gin¯n the bedside table along with a note from Master Gow:--Walk to the pavilion. For each step, take one drink. In this manner you shall learn...

A Conversation With My Cell Phone

ME: Hey dude what time is it?...dude!  Time?CELL: *BING!*Oh hey it's 11:58.ME: Sorry you're a little dim, what was that?CELL: I said it's 11:58!  Leave me alone I'm tired, man!ME: Take it easy, all I said was you're a little dim-CELL:...

The Ultimate Godfather Drinking Game

Because noone should ever make it to Godfather 3. Really. The first movie floors you, the second one thrills you and the third one, well imagine Pacino waving around your bloody still beating heart while making that face from the second to last...

Buy Fair Trade

It feels good to buy fair trade. Makes ya feel like you're doing a good deed...acting globally, ya know?Heck I think this coffee even tastes bettOHMYGOD IS THAT A HUMAN FINGER

Three People I'm Not Particularly Fond Of

Naked guy at the gym who has the handlebar mustache of a weightlifter from the 1800's and sack that looks like a plastic grocerybag.He's very strict in his routine and remains a fixture at your local fitness club despite the fact that he hasn't...

Old People Quarterly

Masturbating? Cleanup tips!

Every man, and some women, know a thing or two about masturbation. If you don't have a woman to shoot your love mayonaisse into you need other, more efficient methods of cleanup that get you on your way faster.So here's some options for cleanup:1)...