CollegeHumor: Rutgers Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794714 Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me? Please? Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794714 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-20 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 23 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 A brief history of title-character abandonment Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:42:39 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
2009: Jon Gosselin leaves his reality show, spawning two new shows: "Kate Plus Eight" and "Divorced Dads Club"


2007: Executives cancel "Hogan Knows Best" when no one notices that Joe Rogan occasionally stands in for Terry Bollea, even in title animation, during the tumultuous Hogan divorce


1999: During post-production, John Malkovich demands his name and likeness be edited out of "Being John Malkovich"


1997: After billing herself as the "Ultimate Truth Machine," Judith Sheindlin mysteriously disappears and is replaced by the honorable Jurybot Overlord of Democratic Instruction


1988: Mario breaks contract by refusing to participate in the sequel to his 1985 hit, citing addiction to hallucinogenic herbs


1972: Bob Newhart launches his namesake sitcom after replacing the deadpan potato featured in the pilot, to critical indifference

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 Other photos ruined by the inquisitive squirrel Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-21 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 60 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 I just got bit by The Love Blog... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Your girl may be getting a heaping dose of crazy from the women's advice blogosphere, but The Love Blog will mock dumb advice and bad examples to the bitter end. This week's topic:

Communication Tech

Relationship advice sites go nuts for social technology, whether it's the new iPhone app that rates your sexual performance or a social medium. A site or device is periodically evaluated and translated into easy-to-read ins and outs, dos and don'ts, and other polarities that lend well to Top Ten lists.

The two chumps with the same name who got married because of Facebook are the big story lately. The girl made the first move, which is always a turn-on, but she did it by searching her own name and messaging the first guy that came up. Which is a lot like playing spin the bottle at a family reunion.

Nobody's appalled quite yet at Skype dating, a laughably paradoxical type of blind- or speed-dating. But people are starting to talk about the pitfalls of the EPersona: at worst, your Skype date could be furiously masturbating just out of view; at the least, e-mails can make you sound too smart because you have time to consult a thesaurus.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-11 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 Equally uncomfortable diplomatic meetings Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Former President Bill Clinton meets with Kim Jong Il to secure the safe return of American reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Mario meets with King Bowser Koopa to arrange for the release of Princess Peach.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-06 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 345 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 The outcast works up the nerve to talk to the popular kid Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Jane: Thanks for meeting me here.

Zac: Whoa. How long have you been waiting outside the locker room?

Jane: Never mind that. I know this sounds crazy-you don't even know me! But...I have feelings for you, Zac.

Zac: (sigh) Jane, there's only like 70 people in our class. And you did this in English freshman year.

Jane: You...remember my poem?

Zac: The Avril Lavigne lyrics you put my name in and read to the class?

Jane: Uh huh!

Zac: I remember. So does my girlfriend.

Jane: Oh, her. Zac, you're just the flavor of the week.

Zac: We've been dating since middle school.

Jane: Ugh, but she's cheer captain!

Zac: She fought scoliosis and asthma to get a full ride for gymnastics.

Jane: ...and I'm on the bleachers...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-17 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788871 A Notice to Failures Everywhere: Today is Your Day Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:20:58 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788871 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Now is the time to live up to your complete lack of potential!  No matter how badly you screw up at work today, your blunders will never be on the level of injecting too much propofol into the back muscles of a man-waif who is responsible for the number one selling album of all-time.

Try it!  If you put your inexpensive dress shoe against a copier a few times you might cost the company, what, ten thousand dollars?   Michael Jackson was spending 2 million dollars a month - his death impacted the economy.  Your blunder sets business back 4 hours. 

So fail as gloriously as you can - it won't matter.  Today, you're only second-worst.



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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/e/collegehumor.9e1b4e5b87fb55b498f48cdecffc2a21.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562">DJNewStyle</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 I just got bit by the Love Blog... Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Is your girl acting strange this week? Well it's probably your fault. If not, she may have gotten a heaping dose of crazy from one of these gems in the women's advice blogosphere:

Why did my main squeeze get mad at me-for already being mad at me? The floor is yours, Dr. Ian Kerner:"The ratio of positive to negative interactions during arguments should ideally be 5 to 1" in a successful relationship. Thanks doc, now when she makes two bitchy assumptions, she gets a third one free.

Breaking news! "For many women, sexual desire follows intercourse, rather than precedes it." I wouldn't call that science, but at least the classic "we're as horny as you" line of propaganda is effectively refuted.

Even in the face of "scientific" evidence, Oprah.com tries to fight the good "horny-as-you" fight. Higher quality porn is a result of more female viewers? More women than men buy Hustler videos? Congrats, you just proved that women are indeed pickier AND can't get off to free 20-second clips. Put one in the Win column for us guys!...and the Loss column, while you're at it.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-28 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 The making of Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Red: Green,we have to talk. I think I'm...strawberried.

Green: But, I don't understand. You're chocolate.

R: I know I'm chocolate, I've just been having all these feelings. These...sweet, fruity feelings.

G: It's just a promotion, Red. It's confusing, I know-remember when you went dark chocolate for Star Wars? It'll pass.

R: This isn't like dark chocolate. Don't you see? I've never been meant for chocolate.

G: What's really wrong here...am I not good enough for you? Sure I could lose a little milkfat, but I've been using propyl gallate to maintain freshness!

R: It's not you sweetheart, it's just who I am. And it took Yipes to show me that.

G: The Fruit Stripe zebra? How could you! And after I let you melt in my-
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-09 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 14 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775364 Ten FML's You Wont See On The Website Wed, 06 May 2009 12:47:53 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775364 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> A site that is gaining popularity, or should i say one that is popular is fmylife.com. ‰f you dont know what it is, its a site dedicated to people to tell a statement of how there life was f'ed that day. "ome of it I think is made up and some of it can be true. —ho the hell really knows besides the people writing it. —ell I have thought of ten FML moments that you will either never see or soon see on the site:


1. "oday, I found out I have AIDs. y life is fucked already and can't get any worse? 'ight? —ell wrong! —hile taking a nap later in the day my dog decided to shit in my mouth. †ML

2. "oday, I got raped. FML

3. "oday, I met this really hot girl. —e hit it off great and somehow I ended up at her place. —e started getting it on and when I was about to finish, she say to me "Oh I forgot to tell you my boyfriend is videotaping this." FML

4. "oday, I was texting my friend and this girl I had a crush on. "o I decided to tell her my feelings. ‚uy instead of her getting the text saying "I have always liked you" my friend did. ˆe responded back saying "I have been in love with you forever." "hit my friend came out to me because I sent him the wrong text, now he thinks I am gay too. †ML

5. "oday, I found out my parents have been having sex in my bed. ‰ don't live at home anymore. "hey house sitted my apartment while I was away and I just came home today, finding a condom on my sheets. †ML

6. "oday, my husband surprised me with a ticket to Mexico. ˆe told me to go there and get the swine flu. †ML

7. "oday, was my birthday. †or a present my parents gave me customized seats that have tinkerbell and say fairy on the head rest. "hree things are wrong with this picture. ‰ am a dude, I am not gay, and I just turned 24.

8. "oday, I came home and found my place had been robbed, taking all my valuables. lso later that day I found out the toilet was clogged. "hanks robbers for taking a massive shit! †ML

9. "oday, I was talking to this extremely attractive girl and we got on the subject of politics. "he asked who I vote for. ‰ told her Obama, but I would have voted for McCain. "he asked Why? ‰ told her (in what I thought was a joking manner) ‰ dont trust a man who can't raise his arms. "he didn't know I was joking and I got slapped and while she walked away someone told me that was McCain's daughter.

10. "oday, I was having peanut butter and I forgot to wipe some PB off my hands. "o I had an itch on my vag and I scratched not knowing the PB was now on my vag. Œater while taking a nap naked because it was so hot in my house. ‰ woke up to my dog licking my vag, just realizing the PB was on there. "hats the most action I got in a long time. †ML


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1909296"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/9/collegehumor.f09537396d71e122d6f1213977c8895a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1909296">John</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 The Evening News from the closet under the stairs Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-22 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 If I acted like my computer did on the first day of work Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Boss: Jesse!

Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.

Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?

Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!

Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.

Me: That's improbable.

Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?

Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I'll show you the next 5.

Boss: I'd like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.

Me: Sorry.

Boss: Also, I see you didn't print the memo I asked you to.

Me: Yea about that...Are you sure you want to print it?

Boss: Wholly and completely.

Me: Okay it's just that...you didn't use real words. Look at this one.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-03 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 498 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772573 The True Nature of a Journey Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:21:05 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772573 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> I awoke in the dark several hours later. My chamber was empty, but there was a bottle of Monastic Gin¯n the bedside table along with a note from Master Gow:


--Walk to the pavilion. For each step, take one drink. In this manner you shall learn the true nature of a journey.

When I arrived at the pavilion the bottle was nearly empty and my steps were unsteady. Master Gow stood silently staring up at the stars. As I approached, he turned to me and asked, "Do you understand?"

"I think so," I replied in slurred speech. "Each step of a journey is an adventure of its own, and to ignore any of them is dangerous and leads to pain, embarrasment, and..."

"Stop," said Master Gow. "You are too drunk, and we ascetics are forbidden to laugh. But if you wish, we can go to the village. I know this great club, wall-to-wall with babes like you've never seen..."
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:558478"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/9/collegehumor.ba4deafde87a5e0790907459e345b49b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:558478">siggins</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772573">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764737 A Conversation With My Cell Phone Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764737 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

ME: Hey dude what time is it?
...dude!  Time?

CELL: *BING!*Oh hey it's 11:58.

ME: Sorry you're a little dim, what was that?

CELL: I said it's 11:58!  Leave me alone I'm tired, man!

ME: Take it easy, all I said was you're a little dim-

CELL: Well maybe I wouldn't be if SOMEONE didn't forget to plug me in last night!

ME: I already apologized for that.  You know, you used to be able to go, like, three days without charging.  Now you can't make it 24 hours?  You've changed, dude.

CELL: *BING!*YOU'RE the one who always leaves me plugged in for more than the recommended three hours!  YOU'RE the enabler!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-12 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 244 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763764 The Ultimate Godfather Drinking Game Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:35:22 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763764 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Because noone should ever make it to Godfather 3. Really. The first movie floors you, the second one thrills you and the third one, well imagine Pacino waving around your bloody still beating heart while making that face from the second to last scene and laughing and banging your mom and throw a mime in there... it's just ugly, ok?

So here's to the Godfather, to Jersey, to New York, to any excuse to drink and(almost) and the enigmatic presence of random fruits. I made a set of rules for shots ("core" rules) and a set of rules for beer("additional" rules), so you can play any night of the week and still survive class the next day. I also included a link about the oranges.

The "core" Godfather Drinking Game rules:

When a baby cries and when a man cries

When there are oranges

When someone is made an offer they can't refuse

When someone is killed/shot (EXCEPT for Brando)

During the montage at the end, I suggest to just chug a beer.

Additional rules:

When someone says "Sicilian"

When someone speaks in Italian (with or without subtitles)

When someone says "the family",

When someone says "its business" or "it was business"

When someone touches the Godfather's hands as a token of respect

Whenever the Godfather is on the screen

When there is wine in the scene

When anyone says or does anything to reference that Tom Hagen isn't part of the biological family, even him.

Chug for the length of the man's scream during the horse head sceneand during the montage at the end of the movie where all the men arekilled.

Click HEREfor a list of all the instances of oranges in all three Godfathermovies. This list of rules centers on the first one, but as I watch thenext two, we will add rules for them if people seem to want them.Oranges are significant because they foreshadow a death or bad eventcoming.

There wasn't any list I could find for how many times a baby criesin the Godfather, but the significance is to represent family, as it isreally a family-based movie. cute, right?

Anyone tries this,

let me know any comments or critiques, because I'd love toperfect this, I just don't know if I'd survive the process.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:533856"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/d/collegehumor.0f65cefb8e67da502d3fbd8d389b34e6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:533856">adrienne</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763764">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760517 Buy Fair Trade Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:24:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760517 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
It feels good to buy fair trade. Makes ya feel like you're doing a good deed...acting globally, ya know?


Heck I think this coffee even tastes bettOHMYGOD IS THAT A HUMAN FINGER
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759093 Three People I'm Not Particularly Fond Of Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:13:08 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759093 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Naked guy at the gym who has the handlebar mustache of a weightlifter from the 1800's and sack that looks like a plastic grocerybag.

He's very strict in his routine and remains a fixture at your local fitness club despite the fact that he hasn't exercised in over a quarter century. He can be seen standing in front of the sink closest to the urinals shaving his face with his disgusting elderly genitals completely exposed.

Don't bother handing him a towel, it is a futile effort. He'll simply thank you for it and put it around his neck, before launching into a series of hamstring stretches on the bench next to your locker.

No one has gotten him to cover up - It's impossible.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/e/collegehumor.9e1b4e5b87fb55b498f48cdecffc2a21.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-15 17:13:08 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562">DJNewStyle</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755908 Old People Quarterly Mon, 26 May 2008 22:36:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755908 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753634 Masturbating? Cleanup tips! Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:07:44 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753634 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Every man, and some women, know a thing or two about masturbation. If you don't have a woman to shoot your love mayonaisse into you need other, more efficient methods of cleanup that get you on your way faster.

So here's some options for cleanup:

1)Socks
Socks are a simple, yet effective choice of cleanup. Put the tip of your weiner and shoot, tuck away in draw, go about your day.

2)Tissues
Tissues can be a problem if your parents/roommates actually need to use them. Avoid cold and flu season.

3)History textbook
Let's face it, you're not going to get much more use from it. Just plop it open, finish yourself off, then slam it closed. For added hilarity, sell it back to the bookstore.

4)The Shower
Minus clogging the shower drains with semen it's also the easiest way to avoid getting caught.

5)Your mouth
The best way to masturbate to minimize mess is by having your legs against the wall, and your butt a little higher then where the wall meets the floor, maybe even a little bit higher if need be. This way, the angle you are at allows you to shoot it right into your mouth, thus easing cleanup.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:993"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.c8db0f9c9d475d121633dc78cbd66492.gif"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:993">Jeff DeAngelis</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753634">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749095 God Blog: Revelation XIII Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:17:14 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749095 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> a few months ago? The one I had killed so that she could come live with me in a more perfect harmony while armies of angels attended to her every whim? Bi-otch was Ka-ray-zay with a capital Kooky! Oh My Me, this girl was one of those 'I'm cold' girls, ya know? She was just always like, "Brrrr, I'm freezing." "Ugh, why is it so cold up here?" "I'm so cold, I miss my husband, blah blah blah." For real, i couldn't take it anymore so I sent her to Hell to burn for all eternity. JAKES! I sent her to Oakland, CA as a newborn baby, which is almost as bad.

And it was good.
Have you guys tried all these different kinds of Orbit gum? They're Baller! My flavorite is Lemon-Lime (obvi) but I'm pretty into a MojitoMint as well. I'm also really, really into Kettle Chips right now. It's like, "Salt and Pepper potato chips...of course!" If I did endorsement deals I would totes give one to Kettle Chips but last time I got involved in human stuff you guys nailed me to a cross. And you wonder why I burn down your houses sometimes...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:113091"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/9/collegehumor.20bf437b546a2db8f3508d7958256071.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:113091">God</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 55 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />