CollegeHumor: Rutgers Stuff http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924498 Death By Hyperbole Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:46:51 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924498 Death By Hyperbole nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924498"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/default/collegehumor.jester.31.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924498">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1927011 Q:What do you get when you mix orange and green? A: Sweet sweet lovin' Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:02:40 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1927011 Q:What do you get when you mix orange and green? A: Sweet sweet lovin' nonadult comedy Decided the only thing funnier than wearing a full body green spandex suit was humping a random dude on the train in a full body green spandex suit. <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1927011"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/a/collegehumor.94fe509d0a07ee5ab1f8de7a550c18c4.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:359454">matt</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1927011">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926806 Wow, really? Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:37:06 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926806 Wow, really? nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926806"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/f/collegehumor.52c09c63ea141bb6bd8222afc81ec466.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1134909">Tim Walsh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1926806">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1925860 who ya gonna call? Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:34:33 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1925860 who ya gonna call? nonadult comedy completely homemade <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1925860"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/c/collegehumor.347c8a9b2d3318fa9e813b3c93a1e879.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:422253">Rob</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1925860">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1922284 Go Gaints! Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:37:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1922284 Go Gaints! nonadult comedy The team may have lost, but it sure looks like a New York education wins out <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1922284"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/0/collegehumor.959b02a8073b717f9c7300e0005f88ed.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:914984">Minkus</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1922284">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 A brief history of title-character abandonment Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:42:39 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
2009: Jon Gosselin leaves his reality show, spawning two new shows: "Kate Plus Eight" and "Divorced Dads Club"


2007: Executives cancel "Hogan Knows Best" when no one notices that Joe Rogan occasionally stands in for Terry Bollea, even in title animation, during the tumultuous Hogan divorce


1999: During post-production, John Malkovich demands his name and likeness be edited out of "Being John Malkovich"


1997: After billing herself as the "Ultimate Truth Machine," Judith Sheindlin mysteriously disappears and is replaced by the honorable Jurybot Overlord of Democratic Instruction


1988: Mario breaks contract by refusing to participate in the sequel to his 1985 hit, citing addiction to hallucinogenic herbs


1972: Bob Newhart launches his namesake sitcom after replacing the deadpan potato featured in the pilot, to critical indifference

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1921109 Talk about your waste of a rufie....... Thu, 01 Oct 2009 02:16:23 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1921109 Talk about your waste of a rufie....... nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1921109"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/f/collegehumor.a61b184389933923423d670f1c1bf1d4.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1357857">ryan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1921109">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920772 The Land Of Make Believe Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:59:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920772 The Land Of Make Believe nonadult comedy Take a left of Unicorn Ave and a right on Giant Gumdrop Lane.... <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920772"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/b/collegehumor.2830b48e425686345a15cadb2aeef5c8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:704990">Mike O</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920169 Miller High Life Guy is a Rutgers Fan! Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:51:15 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920169 Miller High Life Guy is a Rutgers Fan! nonadult comedy We were tailgating and he walked bye and saw us drinking Miller High Life and asked us for one. We were all like 'OMG MILLER HIGH LIFE GUY I LOVE YOU' <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920169"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/6/collegehumor.bda288dc1b66f2920f3db406604e7806.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1134909">Tim Walsh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1920169">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 Other photos ruined by the inquisitive squirrel Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-21 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 58 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 I just got bit by The Love Blog... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Your girl may be getting a heaping dose of crazy from the women's advice blogosphere, but The Love Blog will mock dumb advice and bad examples to the bitter end. This week's topic:

Communication Tech

Relationship advice sites go nuts for social technology, whether it's the new iPhone app that rates your sexual performance or a social medium. A site or device is periodically evaluated and translated into easy-to-read ins and outs, dos and don'ts, and other polarities that lend well to Top Ten lists.

The two chumps with the same name who got married because of Facebook are the big story lately. The girl made the first move, which is always a turn-on, but she did it by searching her own name and messaging the first guy that came up. Which is a lot like playing spin the bottle at a family reunion.

Nobody's appalled quite yet at Skype dating, a laughably paradoxical type of blind- or speed-dating. But people are starting to talk about the pitfalls of the EPersona: at worst, your Skype date could be furiously masturbating just out of view; at the least, e-mails can make you sound too smart because you have time to consult a thesaurus.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-11 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 Equally uncomfortable diplomatic meetings Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Former President Bill Clinton meets with Kim Jong Il to secure the safe return of American reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Mario meets with King Bowser Koopa to arrange for the release of Princess Peach.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-06 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 344 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 The outcast works up the nerve to talk to the popular kid Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Jane: Thanks for meeting me here.

Zac: Whoa. How long have you been waiting outside the locker room?

Jane: Never mind that. I know this sounds crazy-you don't even know me! But...I have feelings for you, Zac.

Zac: (sigh) Jane, there's only like 70 people in our class. And you did this in English freshman year.

Jane: You...remember my poem?

Zac: The Avril Lavigne lyrics you put my name in and read to the class?

Jane: Uh huh!

Zac: I remember. So does my girlfriend.

Jane: Oh, her. Zac, you're just the flavor of the week.

Zac: We've been dating since middle school.

Jane: Ugh, but she's cheer captain!

Zac: She fought scoliosis and asthma to get a full ride for gymnastics.

Jane: ...and I'm on the bleachers...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-17 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788871 A Notice to Failures Everywhere: Today is Your Day Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:20:58 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788871 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Now is the time to live up to your complete lack of potential!  No matter how badly you screw up at work today, your blunders will never be on the level of injecting too much propofol into the back muscles of a man-waif who is responsible for the number one selling album of all-time.

Try it!  If you put your inexpensive dress shoe against a copier a few times you might cost the company, what, ten thousand dollars?   Michael Jackson was spending 2 million dollars a month - his death impacted the economy.  Your blunder sets business back 4 hours. 

So fail as gloriously as you can - it won't matter.  Today, you're only second-worst.



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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/e/collegehumor.9e1b4e5b87fb55b498f48cdecffc2a21.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:3562">DJNewStyle</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 I just got bit by the Love Blog... Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Is your girl acting strange this week? Well it's probably your fault. If not, she may have gotten a heaping dose of crazy from one of these gems in the women's advice blogosphere:

Why did my main squeeze get mad at me-for already being mad at me? The floor is yours, Dr. Ian Kerner:"The ratio of positive to negative interactions during arguments should ideally be 5 to 1" in a successful relationship. Thanks doc, now when she makes two bitchy assumptions, she gets a third one free.

Breaking news! "For many women, sexual desire follows intercourse, rather than precedes it." I wouldn't call that science, but at least the classic "we're as horny as you" line of propaganda is effectively refuted.

Even in the face of "scientific" evidence, Oprah.com tries to fight the good "horny-as-you" fight. Higher quality porn is a result of more female viewers? More women than men buy Hustler videos? Congrats, you just proved that women are indeed pickier AND can't get off to free 20-second clips. Put one in the Win column for us guys!...and the Loss column, while you're at it.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-28 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 The making of Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Red: Green,we have to talk. I think I'm...strawberried.

Green: But, I don't understand. You're chocolate.

R: I know I'm chocolate, I've just been having all these feelings. These...sweet, fruity feelings.

G: It's just a promotion, Red. It's confusing, I know-remember when you went dark chocolate for Star Wars? It'll pass.

R: This isn't like dark chocolate. Don't you see? I've never been meant for chocolate.

G: What's really wrong here...am I not good enough for you? Sure I could lose a little milkfat, but I've been using propyl gallate to maintain freshness!

R: It's not you sweetheart, it's just who I am. And it took Yipes to show me that.

G: The Fruit Stripe zebra? How could you! And after I let you melt in my-
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-09 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 14 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775364 Ten FML's You Wont See On The Website Wed, 06 May 2009 12:47:53 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775364 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> A site that is gaining popularity, or should i say one that is popular is fmylife.com. ‰f you dont know what it is, its a site dedicated to people to tell a statement of how there life was f'ed that day. "ome of it I think is made up and some of it can be true. —ho the hell really knows besides the people writing it. —ell I have thought of ten FML moments that you will either never see or soon see on the site:


1. "oday, I found out I have AIDs. y life is fucked already and can't get any worse? 'ight? —ell wrong! —hile taking a nap later in the day my dog decided to shit in my mouth. †ML

2. "oday, I got raped. FML

3. "oday, I met this really hot girl. —e hit it off great and somehow I ended up at her place. —e started getting it on and when I was about to finish, she say to me "Oh I forgot to tell you my boyfriend is videotaping this." FML

4. "oday, I was texting my friend and this girl I had a crush on. "o I decided to tell her my feelings. ‚uy instead of her getting the text saying "I have always liked you" my friend did. ˆe responded back saying "I have been in love with you forever." "hit my friend came out to me because I sent him the wrong text, now he thinks I am gay too. †ML

5. "oday, I found out my parents have been having sex in my bed. ‰ don't live at home anymore. "hey house sitted my apartment while I was away and I just came home today, finding a condom on my sheets. †ML

6. "oday, my husband surprised me with a ticket to Mexico. ˆe told me to go there and get the swine flu. †ML

7. "oday, was my birthday. †or a present my parents gave me customized seats that have tinkerbell and say fairy on the head rest. "hree things are wrong with this picture. ‰ am a dude, I am not gay, and I just turned 24.

8. "oday, I came home and found my place had been robbed, taking all my valuables. lso later that day I found out the toilet was clogged. "hanks robbers for taking a massive shit! †ML

9. "oday, I was talking to this extremely attractive girl and we got on the subject of politics. "he asked who I vote for. ‰ told her Obama, but I would have voted for McCain. "he asked Why? ‰ told her (in what I thought was a joking manner) ‰ dont trust a man who can't raise his arms. "he didn't know I was joking and I got slapped and while she walked away someone told me that was McCain's daughter.

10. "oday, I was having peanut butter and I forgot to wipe some PB off my hands. "o I had an itch on my vag and I scratched not knowing the PB was now on my vag. Œater while taking a nap naked because it was so hot in my house. ‰ woke up to my dog licking my vag, just realizing the PB was on there. "hats the most action I got in a long time. †ML


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1909296"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/9/collegehumor.f09537396d71e122d6f1213977c8895a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1909296">John</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1910196 Mother's Days Tue, 05 May 2009 13:51:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1910196 Mother's Days nonadult comedy <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1910196"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/1/collegehumor.ff0627c6d8080c902e210cf145d8a7f9.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:59027">wardito</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1910196">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 The Evening News from the closet under the stairs Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-22 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 If I acted like my computer did on the first day of work Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Boss: Jesse!

Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.

Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?

Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!

Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.

Me: That's improbable.

Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?

Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I'll show you the next 5.

Boss: I'd like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.

Me: Sorry.

Boss: Also, I see you didn't print the memo I asked you to.

Me: Yea about that...Are you sure you want to print it?

Boss: Wholly and completely.

Me: Okay it's just that...you didn't use real words. Look at this one.
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-03 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse Eisemann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 498 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />