Greetings Collegers!
Well, the year is almost over for me, and since I can't really write comments or articles at home for the next 3 months (My computer at home isn't compatible with this site) I decided to write my final article of my freshman year on the various majors at my art school and what to expect from them. Here we go:

Media & Performing Arts- (aka Theater Majors) These guys are the weirdos of the school. Their only rivals in terms of weirdness are the film majors.  They are the people who do strange rituals on the steps of their building to ensure that their heathen gods bless their performance. Goats are often sacrificed. They tend to smoke weed. Although 85 % of the men are gay, the chances of mating with a femal Performing Arts student are slim because, oddly enough, their saving themselves for those gay males.

Architecture- These guys are the most stressed out of all the majors. I guess it's because they are required to take 3 math courses whereas most of us only take one. The stress tends to make them quite manic, and heaven help you if you are assigned one as your roommate. If you look at them wrong, they'll bite your head off. Approach with caution.

Fashion- This major is where all the "popular" girls  of their high school go. Since practically all the students are female, you can smell the estrogen a mile away. Chances of mating with these girls are even slimmer  than with the Performing Arts girls because ALL of the girls have boyfriends from their hometown... although they'll gladly sleep with the first black guy they see. (Not to sound racist or anything, but they really do.) Oh yeah, and the stereotypes of male fashion majors are true... They're ALL gay.

Graphic Design- These guys, oddly, are the most relaxed of the majors. They are also magicians: they get their homework done, but almost no one has ever seen them do any work. They are very friendly, and will gladly take you out to dinner, but while your eating you can't help but wonder "shouldn't they be doing their homework?" When their assignment is turned in the next day, you're left in a stupor as to how the hell they did it.

Sequential Art - These are the comic book geeks of the school, and it shows. Their dorm is filled with comics, mostly manga, since the Japanese seem to have taken the comic industry by storm. They watch every comic book movie ever made, and will write scathing editorial about every minor detail that has been changed from the comic. They also like the movie Labyrinth. Go figure.

Painting- These are the studs of the campus. They get more action than any other major, and all they have to do is splatter some red and yellow paint and call it "Man in Despair" and have the girls swoon. On the plus side, they'll probably die from the paint fumes by the time their 30.

Photography- The stalker major. These guys like taking pictures. Of you. And just when you notice and threaten to kill them unless they stop, they always give the excuse "It's for an assignment." Which it is, and they've got the A to prove it, but dammit, can't you stop taking pictures of me in the shower without my permission?

Art History- These are the slackers who sign up for the class because it's easy, which it is. However, it comes with a catch... they can't DO ANYTHING with this degree!

Drawing- Painting's retarded brother. On the plus side, they get to see naked people daily. On the minus side, it's always an aging overweight woman or a man whose penis gives him the name Johnny Three Legs. And guess what: Johnny is from the painting department, who always gets to paint hot naked chicks.

Sound Design- These guys are the Film Department's bitches. Whatever the film majors want, they have to get. They are bred to be meek and mild mannered,  are always on the recieving end of a filmmaker's tantrum, but they do have a plus side to this servitude... They are almost 90% more likely to a high paying job than the film major. Unfortunately, this job involves more of the same servitude as before.

And finally, my major:

Film & Television- These are the guys who have control issues. Since the film industry is cut throat, they do whatever they have to to be the first ones to get the internship that will land them the high paying job. They constantly try to outdo each other in terms of film knowlege, and will spout random trivia of obsure movies. ("Do you know that Lon Chaney did his own makeup in the 1925 version of Phantom of the Opera?") They are given Sound Design majors as slaves, but they themselves are slaves to the whims of the Performing Arts majors, because no film major can act well. Finally, the chances of mating with a film major are very slim, considering there are only 5 girls in the film department, and their dating the Painting major.

Well, there you have it. There are a lot more majors than these, but I've only come in contact with these 11 so far. I will continue to document the majors next year. Until then, I bid you ado, Collegehumor. Later!

Greetings Collegers
It's an obvious assumption that every college student can read, and logically they have their own books that they read for pleasure (when they're not busy getting drunk, hooking up, or watching Lost on TV) Today we are going to review a few books and what they might say about the owner:

The Bible: If you're at a religious school, this is your how-to book on EVERYTHING! You probably can't drink a glass of milk without consulting this. However, if you go to an art school like I do, this is the book that gets made fun the most by the theater department.

Anything by Kurt Vaurnnagut: You are a Star Trek geek who can't get laid and spends most of his time thinking of theories of how Heroes will end.

Phantom of the Opera, Frankenstein, Hunchback of Notre Dame: You are a weirdo who likes to write complicated stories that will never be published on account that you have no social skills. You also tend to stalk the women you have a crush on.

War and Peace: You are a pretentious bastard who only has the book to impress your dates. You've never read the book in it's entirety, but you've skimmed a few pages just enough to make it seem like you've read it, but haven't.

Lord of the Rings/Hobbit: You like midgets.

The Da Vinci Code: You are a cynical person who not only questions the structured religion of Christianity, you also question the little girl selling lemonade at the corner of Elm street.

Anything by Stephen King: You probably have dreams of hacking the person you don't like into pieces with an ax, and then feeding them to a demonic clown.

Collegehumor Guide to College: You are the master of your domain. The women will throw themselves at your feet. Unless your name is Corey Crowley, in which you will be writing this article. Alone.