11:34pm: …Ok…I just need to be cool about it and bring it up in light conversation. She’s not gonna freak out…God I hope she doesn’t freak out. I just need to slip it in there, something like, “yah, speaking of the record highs of the stock market, you wanna have a threesome with your hot friend?”…Yah it’ll totally work.

11:39pm: Dude, I am the SH*T.I was all like, “bitch get yo’ friend, we havin’ a threesome!”…Ok so I asked nicely, but the point is I did it and she said yes. AND the best part is, I don’t have to pay for both, I get a discount for getting two girls at the same time. Ok, she called her friend over from the other corner, time to get out of here.Should be to that dark alley in 10 minutes.

11:41pm: …hm good thing there’s no cops out aroun-OH! I love this song! I CAN SEE US HOLDING HANDS, WALKING ON THE BEACH OUR TOES IN THE SAND, I CAN SEE US ON THE COUNTRY SI…oh my god…oh my god, I’m about to have a threesome…I’m about to have a motherf*cking threesome! Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod…

11:44pm: …mygodohmygodohmygodoh…

11:49pm: …godohmygodohmygodohwe’rehere…I mean, oh we’re here…

11:50pm: …I just thought to myself, twice the girls, twice the pleasure…twice the work I have to do afterwards? Haha, nah I’m a f*ckin’ brahzasarus, I can last longer than both of them combined.

11:51pm: Wow, I can’t wait to tell all the guys back at the frat, they are NEVER gonna believe this, they’re gonna be SO f*ckin’ jealous…Damn these girl’s are hot…I beat off twice before I came, so I’ll last forever…not that it matters, cause I’d outlast ‘em anyways.

11:54pm: …Jesus Mary and Joseph, a two girl BJ, I am LOVING life right now.

11:54:15pm: …ya know as good as this feels it isn’t bringing them any closer to finishing, I better get on to the good stuff, don’t wanna get too far ahead of them. I hope I can make it through both.

11:54:30pm: Ok here we go…andddddd THE EAGLE HAS LANDED…or should I say MR. THIRD-LEG HAS LANDED! Now let’s get to work on finishing this first girl…Oh my god, she’s doing THAT to her friend, that’s SOOO hot! Well at least its giving her friend a head start, that’s helpful…but seriously, WOW that’s hot…oh sh*t this is seriously cutting down my ETA, stop thinking about it…stop looking at it.

11:54:33pm: oh f*ck, oh f*ck, icebergs…baseball…john’s grandma on a humid summer day in a bikini…no, naked! F*ck it’s not helping…come on Mr. TL don’t let me down…

11:54:36pm: …Son of a bitch.

11:54:45pm: …it’s ok, I don’t know these girls, and I’ll never see them again. I can just tell everyone it lasted for a solid 15 minutes, just like in porn…yah that’s what I’ll do…I mean, I remember a lot of the porns I’ve seen, I can fabricate a pretty believable story.

11:55pm: Are they serious?...They can’t be serious…finish them? Don’t they understand I’m as limp as Bob Dole…wait, do what? Cunnili-ohhhhhh…I think I’m gonna puke.

1:46am: …they’re finally finished…My mouth is numb, and covered in some white…powdery substance, my dick is sore, my fingers are sore, my wrist hurts, my left middle toe is sore, I’m embarrassed, I’m exhausted, I’m almost certain I have at least 3 new STD’s…which would bring my total to 7…Oh, and I’m 150 bucks in the hole…f*ck I don’t even wanna think about any kind of hole ever again.

1:50am: Never in my life will I ever again have a threesome.