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My Take on the Issues of This Election / How to Decide Who to Vote For if This is Your First Time

by Lucas Schnake January 14, 2008

Just this afternoon I was sitting on my couch enjoying my daily 3P.M. lunch of whatever leftovers were in the fridge and gummy bears for dessert when it dawned on me; I don't give a rat's ass about any of the issues this country is facing. I am an undergraduate senior studying political science so this surprised me a little bit. How could an engaged, intelligent, and good looking 6th year senior who is enjoying studying politics suddenly just quit caring about some very important (used to be important I guess), issues facing us in these troubled times? Well this notion did not just drop out of thin, cold as balls southern Illinois air and into my head. As I took a very short personal inventory while still on the couch, by this time in my pajamas, I realized that no one else much cares about education, the economy, or healthcare reform either. PHEW. I was able to rule out being depressed due to having to get a real job soon.

I realized that in this presidential election the commander in chief of our great country will not be picked according to their stance on many questions that we as a people will face in the future, but instead on who said what when about what 6 years ago, who looks the most presidential, what the founder of BET says about them, who is most hung, who plays bass guitar the best (any impressive talents or tricks will do), and of course who Oprah and Chuck Norris like the most.

"Huck and Chuck Want You."

Should this concept scare us? Well if you ask me (I'm pretty smart so go ahead), I would tell you not to worry in the least about it. But you may then ask; "why should we not worry luke?" Well I'll tell ya why rhetorical person; the media isn't telling you to worry and they are on the job hour after hour, day after day and they will let us know what we need to consider before stepping into that voting booth. They are relentlessly objective in their reporting and if the issues meant anything at all, then I am quite confident that these fine men and women reporters would let us know about it. They are John and Jane Q. Public's eyes and ears out there, and anything less than their best would be unacceptable. They are our Paula, Simon, and Randy, for all of you Idol fans out there. So when you go into that voting booth, whether it be for the primary of your state or next November, don't think about which candidate you think will do the best job in taking our country in the right direction. Be a good American and check the box of the person who said the word "change" the most (I have Barack ahead by 7, personally I would like to see the next word of the campaign be "hardscrabble")

"Surf's Up For Hardscrabble!!"

, or who has lost the most weight over the years, or who you feel is most like you emotionally. For all you hippies out there reading this, you could easily vote for whoever you would most like to share a bongrip with (my vote's for McCain if this is how we're doing this).

Holding...

I think the folks behind American Idol got it right with their system of choosing their winner. I mean, just look at what all those winners have gone on to accomplish. Who won last year you ask? It doesn't matter. What matters is that we not get too caught up in things that matter for our future when choosing which candidate we are backing this time around.

Lucas Schnake is a 23 year old college senior studying political science at Southern Illinois University Carbondale, and in no way condones watching American Idol. He uses smart words on occasion but isn't all that bright no matter what he has you believe.

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