CollegeHumor: Susquehanna Stuff

Wake Up Call

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:25:37 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Here is aconversation that took place online, completely unedited. I never doanonymous chats, but I was competing with some others to see who coulddo the most amount of damage. This is worth the read:

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: ASL?
Stranger: but it says asl is boring
You: boring for those who have shitty asses
Stranger: lol. 17/f/AZ
Stranger: ASL?
You: 17/f/AZ!!!!!!!
You: what?
Stranger: carmen?
You: is this crazy????
You: YES
You: who is this?
Stranger: GAHHHHH
Stranger: who do you think it is dildo
You: what are the chances?
You: no way, i'm freaking out right now
Stranger: like 506 billion to 1
You: YA
You: can you call me?
Stranger: my mother would get suspicious... i supposedly writing a very enthralling lab report
Stranger: tell me of your omegle adventures?
You: nothing, too exciting
Stranger: really?!
You: I just go from chat to chat talking about nonsense
Stranger: there are a lot of pervs on this site.
You: ya
Stranger: this one guy was like are you a hot girl?
Stranger: etc etc. i eventually told him he sounded like a total tool.
Stranger: he told me i had no friends and got shit on all the time!
You: ya, that's why I don't stay in chats for too long
You: really weird people
You: I've had similar guys
Stranger: agreed!
Stranger: a lot of horny ones.
Stranger: what do you say to them
You: I just asked questions about them
You: but they were asking me perv questions
You: like this one guy was older and had kids!
Stranger: eww!
You: he said he had to put his kids to bed
You: ya
You: stop your lab report real quick and give me a call
Stranger: blah. fine. where is my phone...
You: okay, I'll stay on this so we can chat too
You: I'll grab my phone
Stranger: fail! i just called you!
You: what?
You: I must have bad reception by my comp
You: can you call the house phone?
You: I'll pick up right away
Stranger: sure thing.
Stranger: ready?
You: yep
Stranger: your dad picked up!
You: AH, I know sorry!
You: what did he say?
Stranger: hello.
Stranger: i was too scared to own up to the fact that i called at 11:40 at night. so i hung up on him! tell him i'm sorry
You: He doesn't care, we're all still awake
You: eh
You: I just explained to him what happened
Stranger: :(
You: i'm sorry:(
You: you might want to call again anyways
Stranger: no way jose you're calling my phone this time
You: my dad knows it was you though!
You: i would but I told him that it was you who hung up on him
Stranger: GAH!
Stranger: the house phone for sure?
You: yes
Stranger: why does this feel so suspicious
You: I'd just say sorry I hung up and ask for me
You: I'm sorry, this is my fault :(
Stranger: you SUCK
Stranger: you are IN BED
Stranger: YOU MADE ME WAKE UP YOUR DAD
Stranger: I FEEL TERRIBLE
You: what?
You: He knows though
You: I TOLD HIM
You: ahhh, my dad is an idiot
Stranger: lol.
You: he said I was in bed??
Stranger: YEAH! alright well i need to finish this shiznit. then SLEEP. i miss you. call you tomorrow then?
You: okay, we can talk about this tomorrow
You: one thing, who is carmen?
Stranger: agreed. for all i know you are just a zombie in disguise pretending to be my best friend
Stranger: WHAT?
Stranger: you little fucker
You: good luck on your lab report
Stranger: question: what is my name?
You: dumbass
Stranger: yeah you are a total fuck. way to go asshat.
Stranger: but you got me good.
Stranger: props
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2122345"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/4/collegehumor.97de26c239de2c96656762e441f063a7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2122345">G Money</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790434">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

BeaverDick

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 13:10:14 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1918393"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/a/collegehumor.5f11125292e99dc2763e582ac3543845.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:15369">The lunch lady</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1918393">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Elf Storage

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:22:42 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1909294"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/d/collegehumor.68fcc752b02e7988ba9de73d5ea40af4.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1128580">kmoney</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1909294">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Get Off My Head REMIX

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:03:14 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1903160"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/d/collegehumor.3a471766f5e7e755d84688bde807ea95.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:490473">Mike Boddie</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1903160">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Haha that guy is sooooo crazy

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:28:55 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1894612"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/f/collegehumor.d6da03fafbd8ab590380b37fb667d63c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1381399">Gary Thomas</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1894612">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Drawn out train ride home

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 12:00:53 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1892689"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/f/collegehumor.8952eb8af86d38fe66c3baef15139a30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1128580">kmoney</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1892689">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A Jihadtastic Halloween

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:12:21 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1887715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/7/collegehumor.93b4e8efb7bb6265d3cee4d70f9fd357.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:15369">The lunch lady</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1887715">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Last Girl of the Night

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 12:51:03 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1830939"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/a/collegehumor.e5eedecd01f77824517454daecef1ae0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1381399">Gary Thomas</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

His first name was "Ohhhhhhhhh"

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:55:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1813302"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/5/collegehumor.e9f11d6bcb891ccae47e9b85fdb638d5.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1128580">kmoney</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 131 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Nuvaring

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:23:44 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1810166"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/0/collegehumor.52319805d979ee4623a34d406323a0b3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:15369">The lunch lady</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1810166">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Little Known Bible Passage: The Book of Elisha.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:06:16 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> And lo, Manningus urged his men to the line, for the time was nigh. And he did declare "OMAHA!" with the sound and fury of a thousand trumpets, designating Adalius Thomas...us... as the fire linebacker. Thusly, the ball was snapped, and on came the wicked Adalius, and Jehova, Manningus Almighty was but sacked, though with a gnarly second effort, he did escape the grip of spiteful destruction, set his feet, and whipped his high hard one, as a phoenix returning to genesis.

It was descended from above, that, in his righteous glory, Tyreeus lept, but a great distance and did snatch the oblong projectile. And it was good. Thusly, Smithus did use good field presence to smite His way out of bounds, and did too, get a Down of the First. And still, it was good.

And on the winged feet of Apollo, Plaxicus did lay a sick-nasty cut on Hobbsus. And the projectile did float into the hands of the Good, hurled from the MVP. And the final rung true: 17-14, in favor of the descendants of the city of York, of the Continent of Perfidious Minor.

And in the land of the Sox, there was great weeping and gnashing of teeth, as the wicked had been rightfully smitten in the eyes of Tom Coughlin. And still it was better. And there was great joyance in the tri-state area, because the f**king giants just f**king won the f**king Super Bowl over the New F**k England s**t f**k Patriots f**k.

And it was further decreed, to Bradyus directly: "Eat it, bitch."

--That the book, Elisha 17:14

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:151244"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.4e8a07fdb0b32bec11750067981831fe.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:151244">brian wilkie</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749299">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

What would u do for 20 bucks

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 20:20:39 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1792795"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.3365571919f19245784c6c5f9d3e8891.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1387514">Chuck</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1792795">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Drunk Pile

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 18:36:07 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1791734"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/e/collegehumor.8c19374086e2a592384c95feb6248fba.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1128580">kmoney</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

It's my dick in a box!

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 23:44:58 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1786233"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/a/collegehumor.8035c5ebeb2ea75f7a3344ea1f4fdd9a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:716501">vince</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1786233">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Poetry that will win her over

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 14:07:40 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Dear Hot Girl in my class

God blessed you with that ass

When you bend to get your pen

We boys in class turn into men

How thy thong curves around your hips

Oh how I wish to kiss your lips

And those breast so pure I find

On a cold day I will go blind

Oh how I wish to rub my hands

Across the front of those bra bands

If you were to touch my short

Out I will bust my log fort

Your legs so perfect and so long

Ijust want to smell your thong

As you leave we boys cries

20 bucks, tell me what it buys

No matter how much I pray for you

My heart knows it won’t come true

And though it won’t be in this light

I will think of you tonight.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104628"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/default/collegehumor.baby.23.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104628">Syrus</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

300 Lake Side

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 12:46:14 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1766397"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/9/collegehumor.39b4768543104e4e16931569ae5c1824.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1055868">Otto</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Axe Commerical

Wed, 02 May 2007 19:11:36 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1757357"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/1/collegehumor.f0d37b1a2e2d28a34fa08bd1f69a09c2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104628">Syrus</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1757357">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Splinter Cell Trailer

Wed, 02 May 2007 18:58:47 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1757355"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/a/collegehumor.da6880679cab4ebee09f68daff0b3ff6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:104628">Syrus</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:770"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Why this Bird crapped on me

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:12:41 -0400

Warning: If given the chance this bird will poop on your shoulder

� While standing under a tree today that most incredible thing happened to yours truly. A bird took a shit on my shoulder. Like most, my first reaction was what the F&*%, but after several hours I has the humor in the situation and decided to share it with all of you. Excluding the obvious reason that the bird just had to take a shit, I have listed 10 reasons as to why that poop landed on my shoulder.

�

�1. He was excited that Goldeneye was coming to Nintendo Wii.

2. He was in some way related to Al Sharpton and saw this as a way of sticking it to the man.

3. The bird was protesting the recent Pac Man Jones suspension.

4. It was on of his fraternity scavenger list of things to do

5. He had just finished watching the movie the The Hunted staring Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro and like the rest of us he was disappointed.

6. Pissed about how it is rumored that the popular television show Myth Busters will run out of myths to test after 2008.

7. Thought I looked like the guy in the recent American Pie presents movie meaning that he no longer likes the series.

8. Realized that George W. Bush could not run for re-election in 2008

9. He had just won tickets to see Vanilla Ice live in concert.

10. He did not get any action over Spring Break

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Summary of Star Wars

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:41:20 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> �Over the Easter Break I was astonished to find out how many of my friends did not fully understand the plot of the original Star Wars trilogy. I feel that it is my duty as an American to inform the public on one the some of the most influential works of the modern era, and as an added challenge I will limit myself to 31 words.

�

Boom, boom, big hairy thing, boom, machine dude, bullshit religion crap, boom, lightsaber thingy, boom, brother and sister kiss, boom, good verses evil, boom, lesbians, boom, big hairy thing, boom, end.

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