Literary Lovemaking

 Quotes from some of our favorite literary character's bedrooms.Ishmael from Moby Dick"Oh yeah call me Ishmael....call me Ishmael..CALL ME ISHMAEL!!"Bartleby the ScrivenerGirl: So, you wanna go back to my place?Bartleby: I would prefer not to....

Wiped Out

  Setting:  5 o'clock. A bare apartment bathroom. There is a basket of dirty laundry in the corner. A  painting of a naked woman graces the wall. It's an artistic rendition of the female form, very tasteful.  There are...

10 signs that your R.A. is from the 1700's

10. He insists on calling the gay kid on your floor " The Dandy"9. He stocks the floor's first aid kit with leeches.8. He empties his chamber pot in the community showers each morning.7. He's failed political geography and current events each...

BCS World Bowl Schedule

    December is here, and with it comes the long awaited World BCS Bowl Schedule! This year promises to bring many exciting match-ups as well as some obscure ones.  After the huge BCS rankings scandal, the final...

BCS World Rankings

  Recently, the BCS expanded its powers to the world stage and began to rank countries, as well as college football teams. Naturally, with the BCS rankings come controversy, and the final standings in the BCS World poll have caused quite...

The Morning After Prison Break: Quiet Riot

Ok, so since nobody is doing Prison Break anymore, I decided to step up and try writing an article to see how it comes out.If you guys like it, I'll write another one for the finale next week and maybe pick up Entourage next season.Previously (in...

The Rave

The RaveOnce upon a school night dreary, I sat studying U.S History,pouring over tomes and volumes, stopping only to check the basketball score,As I read about poor Lincoln, I heard my roommates try to creep in,Making much noise as they stammered...

Planet Party

(Earth's house is bumping as his annual "Intergalactic, Plantary" party gets underway)Jupiter: So then I said, that's not my comet, that's my moon!(Saturn,Mars and Mercury laugh)Earth: Ok gang, drinks are ready! We've got my trademark...

Thesis papers I could've written in elementary school

Batman Birthday Parties and the Human ResponseSymbolism during the Green Ranger's Transformation to the White RangerWhat's in the tube?: Pogs as a Cultural RevolutionT-Ball Training and it's effect on coloring in classVR Troopers and...

The Drinker's Ballad

One wint'ry night not long agoI sat inside my home,partaking in a noble sportthe art of drinking alone. I started out a happy soul,no harm did I intend.I was firmly in control,I knew just when to end. That firm grasp soon went out the...

The Hurricane Brothers

( Gustav waits anxiously as his younger brother, Ike ,walks through the door.)Gustav: Oh hey Ike, way to be home on time. It's not like we had plans or anything. Ike: Would you chill out? I was out getting some doughnuts okGustav: Oh good. That's...

A Party Soliloquy

Noble guests, students ye,patrons of universities,I pray you cease your revelryand hear my party soliloquy.Here I sit, cup in handbetwixt two dudeswho cannot stand.The extent of their inebriationsurely merits incarceration.Pong is playedcups are...

Sticking it to the man

An underground is rising. Dark whispers and hushed tones pervade the air (the air breathed by web servers in NY somewhere). And in these stirrings are a cry for freedom. Freedom to write short, titled, sometimes offensive one-liners and lists,...

The more you believe in your political standpoint.

So two guys break into the U.S. Embassy right...

Demetri: DOWN WITH AMERICA! DOWN WITH AMERI- Woah, Vladmir? Vladmir is that you?Vladmir: Demetri?Demetri: NO WAY BRO!Vladmir: Holy crap it's been forever! Get over here you crazy Serb!( The two hug)Demetri: God, man how long has it been?...

Step Up 2 the Streets: Parent's Edition

Mother: Wow, alot of the homies have turned out for this throw down!Father: They sure have! Oh look honey, Paco has some new kicks.Mother: Oh well thats a nice look for him!  Now, are Demetrius and Trina going together?Father: Well...

State of the Dorm Address

My fellow floormates,The previous semester brought with it many issues which affected our floor. These issues spanned a variety of topics, several of which I will discuss here tonight. We have tried to fix these issues, yet some still remain. Here...