The Graphic Truth: Excuses for Summer School

Not based on personal experience, Mom, come on, I swear!

Helpful Tips for College Freshmen

Some Helpful Tips for FreshmenBy Patrick BiegerWelcome Week is here once again, the time of year where overa thousand excited freshmen arrive on campus to begin the next chapter of theirlives at the College. That's you. Yes, college can be a...

The Morning After: If I Were King

P "Sean Combs" Diddy premiered his new earth-shattering expose into his mad world of fashion self-discovery last night on the Music TeleVision Network, and simultaneously gave mortals the world over a chance to live the superlife only Capital Lord...

Hey. Guess what? You make me uncomfortable.

I'm not going to introduce this article with some long-winded, repetitive diatribe about things that make me uncomfortable. I'm just going to tell you outright. On to the bastards that make me feel gross or awkward or creeped out or annoyed.People...

ManHair

Let it be known here, now and forever, on the record. I have man-hair, and it's here to stay. For those of you who don't know, man-hair is any hair on a man with an origin not found on the head. This includes hair of the arms, legs, pits, chest,...

Seniors

Theodore, HS SeniorTed, College Senior I reek, I haven't showered since yesterday morning.Dude, I reek! Check me out!If I finish all my homework, I'll knock out a few hours of Playstation.When I finish this level, I'll knock out an hour of...

Back From Break

DUUDES! MY DUDES! How the hell are you guys, how was your break? Awesome, yeah,  me too, I had a totally awesome blow-out spring break. Just decided to go for broke, let loose, ya feel me? What? Mexico? Nah, bro, everyone goes there....

Clark Kent's Employee Review

Hottest Videogame Character

Hey! Have you voted in our Hottest Videogame Character Contest yet? Well get to it, we're already up to the semifinals! I heard they're going to get Angelina Jolie and Jessica Simpson to dress up as the winning characters and fight a three-wall...

The College Christ Cometh

Ladies and gentlemen of the academic community, please turn a reverent ear to my voice and listen to the tale of your messiah, for He has arrived. Long have you been unjustly harassed by the men and women of that totalitarian establishment...

Mr. Coen

Mr. Coen: Hi, Jim Marshall please?Mr. Marshall: Speaking, who's this?Mr. Coen: Hey Jim! It's Arthur, Arthur Coen!Mr. Marshall: Arthur Coen?Mr. Coen: Remember? The Tapersville Terrible Tarantulas? The bleachers? Must have been, gee whiz, like, 40...

What I did on my Snow Day!

Just like the thrill of a morning erection, waking up and finding that a snow day has cancelled classes inspires a certain awe within us all. Except for snow shovelers. Or plowmen. And people that don't actually get off of work. You know,...

Beer Review

Listen, could you put down that Keystone for a moment? I'd like to do you a favor. You know, the world of beer more than just Natties, Millers, and Beasts. Day after day, I see a variety of excellent lagers, stouts, and ales passed up for fear of...