University of Central Florida

Guy Plays '20 Questions' with His Girlfriend

Guy: Ok, you got it?Girlfriend: Yea.Guy: Ok, is it big?Girlfriend: No.Guy: Are you sure? I mean; it's relatively big, right?Girlfriend: No, it's about the same size as all the others.Guy: So it's above average?Girlfriend: No. It's smaller.Guy:...

The Different Underground College Cults and the Pros and Cons of Joining Them

The Vampire Cult: This cult, by definition, means that they only meet at night. (citation needed) They all wear black clothing with black eyeliner. The cult has a big economic gap straight down the middle, which is easily observable. The...

Pros and Cons of Swallowing Pills That Are Handed to You at a Rave

It's Ecstasy: This is probably what it is according to most movies where a chick hands a guy a pill in a bar. You take the pill, and you start feeling awesome and if you keep hanging out with this chick you'll probably hook up with her. If she...

How Different Majors React To Seeing Road Kill

Premed- "I wonder what the cause of death was? Looks like head trauma. I think I'll perform the autopsy... where did I leave my scalpel?"Engineering- "Looks like a car hit this guy. By the amount of damage I'd say it was maybe a 4 door SUV with 4...

Chess: The Pawn's Diary

June 26th 2008What a glorious morning! This earth was made for battle, not only because of its perfectly symmetrical black and white squares! Ah, to be the unit directly in front of the King himself! Oh, mother would be so proud!!sliceJune 27...

Talkin' to Strangers!

So, you and your roommates get along fine, you don't have a job or a girlfriend, and you pray every night for the opportunity to become a legend by sending a story to a submission-based column? gmail.com

Critic Reviews a RollerCoaster Tycoon Park

Today I had the extreme misfortune of attending the 1-year anniversary of the amusement park, "Tootsie's Cabaret." Not only is it not amusing in the slightest, but I'm pretty sure it's a concentration camp and I'm shocked that I made it out alive....

Christopher Nolan in Ten Years

How You Drink A Bottle Of Water And What It Says About You

Take Off The Cap, Take A Sip, Than Immediately Put Back On The Cap:You are a pansy. You are weak. You are just a lame person in every aspect of your life. You are a good student, but besides that, you just suck. You can't make eye contact with a...

Pros and Cons of Projectile Items Launched at Pet Bird's Cage to Make it Shut Up

Pencil (Number 2, Mechanical): Very light and easy to throw, minor risk in harming the bird. The resulting sound is very light, not enough to scare bird for more than a few seconds.Gum (Spearmint flavor, Stride): Very small, does not make a...

Pros and Cons of Buying Mascara and Using It On the Hair Around Your Nipples to Make Them Look Like Eyes

Pros: Virtually an endless list. I could tell you about all the chicks you'll suddenly get without even saying a word or even taking off your shirt, but I bet you already knew all that. I could tell you about how you'll suddenly become so...

Conversation With Various Objects Before I Go to a Bar

Tequila: C'mon Adam, just drink me. I'm so much faster, and I PROMISE this time I won't force myself upon another chicks new $100 dollar shoes. Just drink me.Beer: Don't listen to him! You're drunk! You've had a ton of beer already. Just go to the...