To the Producers and Artists of "Jizz in My Pants"

               
            My name is Robert Nimble, and I am writing you on behalf of the Premature Ejaculator's National Institution of Students, an organization which supports the millions of men all over the country who suffer from this horrifying disorder. As founder and president of this organization, I am outraged by your song and music video which make a mockery of premature ejaculation, or how you so bluntly put it, Jizzing in Your Pants. I have been forced to deal with the humiliation and pain that comes with this problem since the tender age of twelve and I assure you it is not an amusing experience for anyone involved. Try and put yourselves in my shoes for a minute. If I find a female remotely interesting I release my seed the moment she utters the mildest sentence. Do you find this funny? I think not. Sometimes the very thought of a woman causes me to writhe with pleasure the instant it enters my mind. Not so hilarious now, is it? Imagine being the only guy in high school who cannot wear boxers; gravity alone creates a blissful eruption right in my trousers! And here you are, getting cheap laughs by making a joke out of mine and so many others's anguish. I am unable to perform the simplest tasks without worrying about the messy consequences that will inevitably follow. For instance, not even a week ago I was watching a WNBA game-and blow! I fired a love missile right in my PJs! There is no reason for anyone to have a mind-blowing orgasm while watching the WNBA, it's despicable. Anyhow, I believe that my organization and the millions of men, who are forced to spasm with utter delight countless times a day, every day for their entire lives, deserve a sincere apology for your sick and twisted humor.

Raging with Pleasure,

Robert Nimble