University of Maryland

Fake Paper for History Course

Michael Phelps is the reason I do not smoke pot anymore.

So the internet and news has been buzzing the past weeks with news of Michael Phelps's drug useage. The picture of him taking a hit out of a bong made such controversy that Kellogs no longer sponsors Phelps, but I'm not going to rant about that....

Benjamin's Very First Poem

The night is spent around the bong,Friends laugh of good times past.But darkness spreads across the land,I must head home at last.My bed a warm and welcome hug,But in my head - a doubt.For I am high as shit right now,And I must rub one out.I...

Times when it is 'okay' to wear Jorts!

Jean shorts, jorts being the technical term preferred my leading scientists, are the least cool thing since the legendary fanny pack. ˆowever, I have decided that there are several slightly acceptable uses of wearing jorts. ™ou can wear...

Dating Pros and Cons

Going out with... Pro Con The Dumb Blonde Eye candy. "What? So I'm like, made of chocolate?" The Fat Chick More cushion for...

How To Avoid Exams

So it's exam time, and you've spent a little too much time drinking and playing Mario Kart to study. What you need is some more time or, if possible, a way to circumvent exams altogether. Well it's your lucky day, you lazy bastard you, because...

Random Musings of an Idle Mind

If we call young people "kids" and we call young goats "kids", what do goats call young people? Probably "baaaaahhh".Is there really more than one way to skin a cat? Who skins cats? Never mind, f*ck cats.Why "heads or tails"? There's never more...

"It's the freakin' weekend and baby I'm about to have me some fun"

So it's a friday night and you've had a really long week. All you want to do is unwind and go out with your best girlfriends. Sounds like a good plan, right? Despite knowing that most guys prefer a low maintenence "white t-shirt, jeans, and a...

Rise and Shine

Who invented mornings?

Racial Pros and Cons

Race Pro Con Whites Majority rules. Laaame. Blacks...

An Evening with the Resident Hall Tool, Rob

Rob, after walking into someone's closed door: Hey!  Hey guys, whatcha up to?  Oh shit!  You got Guitar Hero! Sweet dude, I gotta shred that shit!  Dibs on next song, haha!  I'm pretty damn good on medium, so you might want to prepare to be...

dam

she gets around

If Steve Carrel's Characters from The Office, Anchorman, and The 40 year old virgin were friends....

Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin. Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart. Andy Stitzer: Wow. This is graphic. Michael Scott: This, is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outa here. Andy Stitzer: You...