University of Michigan

The Real Don't Wake Daddy

2:30 amChild tip toes across the bedroom. He's starving. He hasn't eaten in days. He just wants some food from the fridge. His father lies asleep in the bed, alone. Maybe he's divorced or something, who knows? The starving child passes by quietly...

Generic Dialogues

The "Object Dialogue"Animal: I am an animal.Person: Wait. Isn't this just the same thing as the first one?Animal: Pretty much.Person: Well, can we stop then?Animal: Yeah, I guess so.Person: Good. See ya later.Animal: Sheesh, what an asshole.

Undergrad Libs

Please Let Me Watch Your Kids

Please let me watch your kids. I need the work. I have no more money. My...my wife left me. She took everything. T.V., stereo, Nordic track, all the food... I've got nothing. I am begging you. Please let me watch your kids.Oh God... I have nothing...

If Rivals Expanded Their Coverage

Honest '25 Things' Facebook Note

My iTunes Gets Kidnapped

iTunes has just finished an invigorating session of Bikram Yoga and is on his way to finish the final 300 pages of David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest" when he feels a tap on his shoulder.  Thinking it must be his best friend Netflix, he...

Tim Tebow Starts a Chat Room

Honest Christmas Thank You Cards

If Third Graders Used Juicy Campus

Halloween Party News Feed

Sunday Morning Flowchart

If Marty McFly Had Gone to College Instead

Doc: And there you have it! My time machine!Marty: Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean? Doc: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some...

Corporate Mascot Friday Night Fights

TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENTWith predictions from commentators Tony the Tiger and Mr. PeanutSuper Heavyweight Class - Bulbous White Man Title"The main event should be a doozy. After years of receiving passive agressive hatred from their parents, these...

Yes! You CAN Write an Article for CollegeHumor

How many times have you read an article on CollegeHumor and thought to yourself that it really can't be that difficult to write something as good, only to lose your motivation when that marathon of I Love the 80s reruns came on? That's all in the...

College in the Year 3008

A Friday night, three roommates get ready for an end of the year party at their house.Joe: Hey you guys, I got winner in Madden. But you gotta put the visors down for a sec so we can figure out who's getting what for the party.Dave: My...

Yes! You CAN Get Laid in a Dorm Room (and other useful anecdotes)

PrefaceAllow me to begin this advice column by saying that there is a definite correlation between your class standing, where you live and whether or not your pocket children will be born into that dirty sock of yours on a lonely Friday night....

How a Fat Kid Thinks vs. a Normal-sized Kid

Normal Kid: Damn man! Did you see that chick? I would hit that 20 ways 'til Christmas!NK: Hmmm...I don't know what to get. It's all so greasy.FK: Well I normally get the Double Major Burger with double bacon and cheese. Oh, the cajun mayo is good...

Arabian Days, Part 1 of 2

In order to clebrate the last day of classes, my friend and I went on a little trip. It involved acid. Well our creative juices were still flowing and our English final was 2 days aways, so for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to...

The Multiple Facebook Personalities

In the 4 years I've been on Facebook I've seen a lot of quirky personalities emerge, and a few days ago I had the random idea to take a spin on the "summary of people you meet in college" and tailor it to the Facebook generation. The AddictThe...