CollegeHumor: University of Mary Washington Stuff

Still Drunk in the Morning

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 19:28:46 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1908088"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/4/collegehumor.0738779f7653502a9898ab34ba1bd857.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1298256">Adam</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Black in a Sea of White

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:40:27 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1900200"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/b/collegehumor.826c0f77fab5e3d70fa069eb98b59b9e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1590875">bob sanders</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Paramore Steals Song by Flyleaf

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:22:36 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1812660"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/2/collegehumor.60e8c297eda8559919b4dd327d023a2e.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1597715">Rival Schools Production</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1812660">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A USB light. Perfect for when the monitor is too bright but the glowing USB port is too dim.

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:58:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1797460"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/9/collegehumor.658f0035cc3666f933baf9698d28cc37.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:119531">JPlatinum</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 9 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Bow down to the masters

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:37:09 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1784673"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/4/collegehumor.7bb0c02ec8992208ff7b5284bd36eafe.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:153193">buck</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1784673">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

OH MY GOD! SHOES!

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 21:00:37 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1784016"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/0/collegehumor.4353e6ee485edb5512dc8f6028be614f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1310175">Helena</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Oh my god! Shoes!

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 03:44:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1783403"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.172ba7f4b48f25ef096864677df0b8ce.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1310175">Helena</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 40 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Careful, keep doing that and you'll congeal into one larger girl.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 13:01:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1780545"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/9/collegehumor.3be8ea19ace5100fb03460792421d555.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:219450">duckduckgoose</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 112 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

RIP Dave Thomas

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:39:22 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1779628"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/e/collegehumor.4fa15ea49bada1bd8d0ad87e9396f8ce.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1264674">TheExploder</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1779628">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Striking resemblance to Uncle Fester!

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 19:33:37 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1779412"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/2/collegehumor.a3ea942cb131e3808e5b4752e04ade78.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:38672">Josh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Marilyn Manson for Publicity Chair...

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 14:34:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1772998"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/b/collegehumor.429c37446df12b7d69e9818bed69b00e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1094083">Ashley</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1772998">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A hammock and a beer pong table? You guys are set for the year.

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 03:35:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1772057"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/9/collegehumor.6bfd5fd5c68d4848fde72fe9918b4944.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1157603">Westallion</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 24 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

It's not like I told her to smile like a donut

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 16:44:08 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> So as a creative writing exercise I’m going to tell you about Thursday morning when I went to Denny’s. I decided on this because it’s pretty recent or whatever. I was going to write about last night at my boyfriend’s house, but I like for my stories to have climaxes. Like I said this happened at Denny’s. It was a Thursday morning before my creative writing class, weather was clear, probably about 8 am or so. On this particular day I was trying to eat at Denny’s when some broad came in and her kid kept chewing with his mouth open. So I asked the kid to stop. Long story short it went over worse than a fart in church. The management felt so bad that the next Tuesday they insisted on giving me a banana split on the house. How it goes is, I’m minding my own at table 28, which is actually a booth, and I’m eating my usual, also known as a Cheerios Delight. That’s what I call it when I get both bananas and strawberries in my Cheerios. It’s not on the menu—not yet, anyways—but the waitress knows what I’m talking about. Her name’s Katina. So I’m eating my Cheerios Delight and also I’m journaling. Enter mother and child. The mom is nice looking, the kid I can’t describe because you know how they all look the same. I remember he’s got a pretty fat head. I keep it to myself and Katina puts them in a booth behind me. I’ve just gotten off an all-night shift at work and I haven’t slept or whatever. So I kind of have a bad attitude, or as I like to call it, a badittude. I’ll add that on this particular day I am unarmed. Also, I have forgotten to wear anti-perspirant. So they’re behind me and I become aware of this particular sound. I glance behind me, expecting to see a donkey eating out of a manger or something, and it’s little melon-head, chowing down on his Lumberjack Slam. I try to ignore it, but it’s loud. I look over my shoulder a second time and catch the mom’s eye. She doesn’t seem to notice. Both of these are real quick, the kind of glance you do when you’re changing lanes. A couple minutes pass and it keeps going, and I just can’t help it anymore and I turn back a third time, except this time, about half-way through the turn, you know like 90 degrees or so, I realize I can’t get away with just a glance. Not a 3rd time. A third glance, I just think it demands explanation. I look at them and they look at me. Right now I feel the same way you do when you get up to the top of the slide and change your mind but everyone’s watching so you have to go down. I figure what the hell. Yeah, you’re not supposed to tell other people’s kids what to do, but you’re also not supposed to steal candy bars from CVS and I do that. So I say, “I’m sorry to be so rude, but would you please chew with your mouth shut?” I say it the same way you’d ask someone to hold a dustpan for you. Sounds polite to me, but this chick loses it. Her reaction really throws me. First she makes this terrible horse-y noise like a snort or something. And I’ve only ever heard this noise one other time in my life and it’s the sound I made—I was 6 or so years old— when I was taking a bath with my cousin and she dropped a snickers in the tub. I’ll never forget it. So she makes the noise, and then she starts waving her hands and hissing, “Heexx-cuuuuse me!? WHAT did you just say to me!?” I’m taken aback. I mean, it’s not like I’ve just told her her kid looks like a hydrocephalic beast and belongs in a cow pasture. You know? It’s not like I’ve just asked her to bend over and spread her ass cheeks and make me a Brownie Millionaire. But she’s going full-tilt boogie. If this were Monopoly, she’d be the iron, that’s how steamed this lady is. It’s obvious I’ve hit one out of the park. There’s no need to run the bases. But I can’t resist seeing her reaction. So I tell her I have a medical condition and I’m allergic to hearing people chew with their mouths open. Then I remind her it’s common knowledge that chewing with your mouth open, much like thumb-sucking and bedwetting, is a trademark symptom of inbreeding. You know, incest. That sort of does it. The lady jumps out from the booth, heaving like a Shetland pony, and marches up to the front where the manager and the cashier are and starts barking at them, demanding that I be kicked out. Like I care. As far as I’m concerned the lady doesn’t have a row to hoe. At this point my anxiety level is sitting at about a 1 1/2 —the same vague uneasiness you feel when you’re naked but still wearing socks. In other words, I’ve gone back to eating my Cheerios. Last time I checked Denny’s doesn’t even have a bouncer. But she’s gesturing wildly, and I start to wonder, would they really kick me out, and if so, would they box up my breakfast? (Don’t worry about it getting soggy, I put the milk on the spoon and not the bowl—conserves maximum crunch.) The manager is telling her she won’t kick me out, probably because I’m a regular. I’m glad she knows where her bread is buttered. But then things take a turn for the worse. The lady’s saying she’s going to punch me in the face! Not once but twice she says I’m going to be pissing blood for a week. Right now you think I’m kidding; I’m not. The manager’s picking up the phone like she’s calling the police. Now, I can scrap, and also I’ve been doing the military press 3 times a week, but she’s got at least 100 pounds on me. Compared to me she’s a silverback. And like I said I have no weapon, unless you count the fork. She’s still cursing at the manager and I figure I have about 5 seconds to play with before she comes back here and swings at me. I flirt with the idea of using some dental floss from my backpack to construct a tripwire between the booths, but even with my superior fine motor skills I won’t have enough time. So I do the unexpected. I pull out my Aviators and put them on. That’s right, I put on my Aves. Why? So she can’t see my eyes. I’m feeling pretty cool, cool like Benjamin Franklin, maybe cooler than Bambi’s dad even. Maybe. Also, I pull some string cheese out of my backpack and start to eat it real casual-like, with one arm slung over the back of the booth. Now I’m really playin it cool. I’m playin it so cool I’m condensating. Looks like sweat but it’s not. Then it’s the moment of truth. She’s coming back towards me and it gets real quiet. Everyone’s watching cause they think I’m about to get my shit ruined by this soccer mom. I’m playin it cool like I said but I won’t lie to you, it’s so quiet you can hear my asshole puckering up. Sheer terror will do that, sometimes. Well, the chick takes one look at me and realizes she’s a pacifist at heart. She walks right past me. No joke. All she says is, “I never in my life!” and she grabs her kid’s hand. In any case, Katina is holding their plates and all they do is they follow her to a different table. So everyone goes back to eating or whatever. But for me the whole thing has been a real wet blanket and all I want to do is get in my Ford Taurus and scram. I got a hundred ponies in that thing plus two 12 inch subs. Pretty tight, I know. Anyway I don’t feel like eating plus I don’t want to be here when the fuzz shows up. After my creative writing class I figure I’ll lay low at home, maybe catch Dances with Wolves on TNT. I do feel really bad for Katina. When she comes back her face is all haggard, like how my mom always looks 3 hours after Christmas morning. I apologize for causing such a cluster-foxtrot and I give her my card. Soon as I pay I’m off like a prom dress. Just to get the last word I squeal my tires on the way out.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1010743"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/default/collegehumor.baby.23.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1010743">Elena Bono</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

One Stop Cop Shop

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:05:13 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1766480"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/3/collegehumor.71a5019520ae05efeb3bfb3306e23db8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2081">Alcoholex</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1766480">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Romantic Slumber

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 20:10:33 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1756906"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.61d9c4ace362d0ab9fb31f04b9605fed.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:119531">JPlatinum</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

That Guy

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 18:52:18 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1754412"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/6/collegehumor.219361ed1ce7babdb115e7d690a7ba2f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:38672">Josh</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

'Facebook birthday'

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 03:53:31 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1751220"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/d/collegehumor.011f9f1f4378247a5f96334dcb6759a7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:119531">JPlatinum</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

This is a STICK-UP!

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 11:48:06 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1744674"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/0/collegehumor.446f1965f89c026739c0220052657bf7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:552232">Turd Furgison</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Take your shoes off...

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 11:37:08 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1740676"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/6/collegehumor.c110d69285ce1b5d41d25ed63d8dd021.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:119531">JPlatinum</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Oops.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:20:38 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1738921"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/8/collegehumor.a9f0621e2916af057b686d880493f7e0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2081">Alcoholex</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:47"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />