University of Nebraska - Lincoln

How to Get a Girlfriend for Valentine's Day

Despite what that girl in your bio classsays, everyone loves Valentine's Day.ŠShe's just bitter because she's a total bitch and her Uggs are too tightbecause she stuffed her blue P I N K sweatpants into the ankles.Valentine's Day is awesome,...

She should have done something with her face instead

Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Not Gay

1) When I'm looking at pictures of penises online I'm not thinking 'Oh yeah, baby, do me now!', I'm thinking, 'For the love of God, man, shave!'.2) The only things I put up my butt are thermometers, suppositories, and vibrating dildos.3) I wear...

Thoughts on College after three adderall and a Journey concert

  I never want to leave college.EVER. We are smack dab big titties right in the middle of the best years of our lives.  Think about it.  When are you ever going to be able to party with drunk 19 year old girls every day of the...

Pink Albums or Terri Schiavo Thoughts?

Can't Take Me HomeMissundazstoodI'm Not Dead YetJesus Christ, I'm so Fucking Hungry!

Career Evaluation

I paid a visit to Career Services to help me figure out what to do with my life after college. "hey had me put together a list of possible career choices and then give reasons why I would and would not be suited for that job.  plus ( ) is a...

If Drew from 'Teardrops' Had Been a Creeper

Drew looks at me, I make a face so he will seeThat he's not allowed to be within 200 feet of meI'll call the cops this time, I fucking swear to GodEspecially if you ask me to look at your ˜tripod'¼o:p>Drew talks to me, I cry cause...

2% Milkfat, 100% Manly

2007 is the year of the man, and us men are going to make sure everybody knows. How? Goodbye Constitution, hello Man Law. The Constitution was written by sissy men wearing frilly shirts. Man Law was devised by steak-eating, truck-driving,...

Your Favorite TV Characters iTunes' Celebrity Playlists

Edie Britt from DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES:“Smack My Bitch Up” by Prodigy“Nude” by Radiohead“Wow, I can get Sexual Too” by Say Anything“French Tickler” by Sonic Youth“Femme Fatale” by The...

A Letter From My Toilet

Dear Andy,You're an asshole!Love,The Toilet

Billy Froman, 4th grade, Gets a Boner

Oh no, its happening again! Why? I don't get why we have these things. I bet girls have it easy. Apparently they just pee out of their buttholes because Ricky Jones, he's like, the coolest kid in school, snuck into the girls bathroom and said...

Choose Your Own Adventure!

Its Friday night in (INSERT TOWN HERE) at (INSERT SCHOOL HERE). What are your plans?A) Pre-game in a friend’s room and call other people to see where the party is? B) See that play you need to write a review on for your Intro to Theatre...

This Year is Going to be Different!

Sophomore Greg Zudinsky's claims on why this year will be different Hey man. This year is going to be different. I'm a sophomore now, man. All the freshman girls are going to love me. That's why I'm staying at Thompson Hall again. Yeah guys, I...

A Conversation with your Inner Rapist

Setting: A small cafe. You sit there, nursing a hangover with a cup of black coffee. Your inner rapist enters and sits across from youRAPIST: Wild night, I see.YOU: Ugh. Don’t even get me started.RAPIST: Hey man, I was only there to help....

10 Sexiest Phrases a Woman Can Say

10  "Where did you put the beer bong?"9   "I love the song you wrote about cheese."8   "Does this handgun make me look fat?"7   "You're so deep inside of me."6   "Road trip!"5   "I got you some cheese."4   "I made you a grilled cheese with three...

Bad Graduation Gift Ideas

A Briefcase: Oh, thanks Uncle Frank. You getting me this briefcase ensures that I’m supposed to work the same 9-5 office job that you've worked for that last 25 years while complaining about it and cheating on my wife with my secretary. (...

Fill in the Blanks: Finals Edition

Well, its finals week here at University of ___1___. I was studying super hard for ___2___ 101 but I just couldn't cram it into my ___3___. I watched TV for little bit, but all that was on was a marathon of ___4___. My ___5___ test on Thursday...

What's Going to Happen to My Relationship?

Hey high school seniors! Well, its that time of year to start thinking about how much your life is going to change when you go off to college. I’m here to tell you how much your relationship will change if you and your girlfriend go to...

Fill in the Blanks

So, last night I was ___1___ this chick and she ____2____. So I left, and I went Chad's house and we played_____3_____. Then around midnight, Chad went into the closet to get the ____4____ and we had fun with that for like an hour. I left after...

The Adventures of Skip Bradley, RA on Duty - Episode Dos

1:12am March 18th 2007Abel Hall, University of Nebraska-Lincoln    I, Resident Assistant Bradley, responded to a call from the RD about a noise complaint on the 2nd floor (The ROTC floor). I arrived on the floor to see a resident passed out on the...