Texas

Life is too short to dance with fat chicks...

I write when I'm bored...and well...i have nothing to do lol...chancesare I'm going to be writing ALOT this summer...mostly about things thatget on my nerves...right now...its this"Yeah I'm an asshole, so what?" "Oh yeah? Well im an asshole, deal...

Girls, Girls, Girls

The title might be a bit of a misnomer...contrary to its indication...girls are not the target demographic. Enjoy...no hate mail please :)You know the saying..."Men are dogs"...its as popular as that annoying commercial "$5 foot long" that every...

Coolest. Hobo. Ever.

I grew up in a small, conservative Texas town where homelessness wasn't really an issue. It wasn't until I moved to Austin for college that I became more familiar and comfortable around homeless people, my first couple times down the drag were an...

Steps to getting Laid (guys edition)

10 easy steps to getting laid at any partyAxe Body sprayFind your wingman (for the fatties)Introduce yourself to every last girl at the party and weigh your optionsAsk her about her relationship about her fatherMore Axe Body spray (dirty hippie)...

Scrunchies!!! The Duct Tape of Parties

SCRUNCHIES!!!!The Duct Tape of PartiesSo Many USES!!!Like:Keeping your hair out of your vomitKeeping your back during blow jobsLooking FantasticPutting on a Doorknob during sexFluffy cock ringGET ONE NOW!!!!

Facebook Analytics: Making my Stats Prof proud

As you can see, the ratio of male genetalia to female genetalia mentioned in discussion on Facebook is roughly 2:1. There is a distinctive drop in the use of these words right around Christmas - is this due to less overall activity on Facebook, or...

Pizza God® Applies for Front End Developer

An ideal candidate would answer yes to the followingDo you code entirely with css/html (no tables)? Are you kidding? I gave up on MySpace after two minutes.Can you solve cross browser issues? I can't even fix my own problems with FireFox.Do you...

Thoughts Leading Up to Grand Theft Auto IV

4/28/08 8:30 am:Fuck, I don't want to go to class, but the good news is only one more day until GTA IV.4/28/08 12:33 pm:A nap in this class sounds good. Dreams about GTA IV.4/28/08 3:23 pm:This is bullshit, I have nothing to do, I really wish I...

What Your Internet Browser Says About You

After spending sometime watching how people act in relation to their internet browsers, I have compiled this list of what their browsers say about them. AOL Explorer: *dial tone*

What "From Dusk till Dawn" Taught Me

1. If you have a hole blown through your hand by a bullet a piece of duct tape will serve as a sufficient bandage.2. If you leave a girl alone with your rapist/murderer brother while you go toget some burgers, she will not be alive when you...

What 'Transformers' Taught Me

1. If you are being chased by a robot car, the best course of action is to take your mother's bike and ride like hell.2. The Hoover damn was built to house a giant radioactive cube.3. If giant robots are having a battle royale in the middleof a...

The Emo Guide to Internet Language

ROFD- Rolling on the floor dyingMH- My heart!LOL- Living our liesOMG- Oh melancholy gazesLMAO- Love maims all organsW/E- Winter's embraceBRB- Burning red blasphemyBBL- Binge on bright lustCYA L8ER- Come ye ambulance, love ate every remainG2G TTYL-...

Thoughts of an obese "straight" 40yr old single poet while watchin TV at 3:30AM

Well its 3:30am...and Im not tired..what is there to do now Brain?I wonder if i showered today...oh well...it doesnt matter anyway..I'll just do it tomorrow morning, after i get up and go joggingI know ive said that many times...but this time im...

See baby you...got what i neeeeed

Obscure "Political" Quotes

The following are actual quotes from political figures throughout American history. Prepare to be shocked and apalled..."And then I pooped my car keys"-- Alan Greenspan"Where did Rumsfeld go? I ate him."--Carl Rove"If I had a dollar for everytime...

Oh Shit - Thanksgiving is over

"¦Freshmen"¦I have some good news and some bad news"¦good news : you're gonna lose your V-Card in the next 3 weeks - bad news : it's your finals V-Card. You thought midterms were fun"¦finals are a whole new experience. Kind of uncomfortable...