- "No, you can't ascend into my Super Awesome Treehouse Club. I mean, sure, you've led a life of pure good, but you're a fucking Jew." - "I just got my first boner!" - "I got the First Boner."
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-Pee like you won't get a little drop on your khakis and have to wipe your hands off on your pants after washing them to cover it up -Wear a shirt that says "Can you BEER me now?" like you're fourteen and drinking still makes you different and...
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With the new school year starting and a whole new group of kids experiencing college for the first time, some advice is needed to help the transition into college and smooth and painless as possible.1. Do not wear your keys around your neck!...
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Robert is sitting alone in an empty attic playing with an ancient Chinese puzzlebox. As soon as he solves it, the wall opens up to reveal a hole leading to another dimension. Robert is overwhelmed by the sounds of sharpening razors, bloodcurdling...
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Guess which desk I haven't had sex on. Go on, guess. My psychiatrist thinks I should date. Can you help with that? Wanna have sex? It's not like we'd never see each other again... Meet me in the Janitor's closet in 5 minutes. There's a mop bucket...
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Hey, what’s up? My name’s Freddy. Care if I sit down here for a second? Alright, cool. Oh man, it’s so nice to be able to go out and relax. I’ve just been so busy recently, you know, writing the Communist Manif…...
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OK, I can see this interview didn't get off on the right foot....moving on. Apparently you had a rough childhood, please elaborate. For a while my family and I were living in a dugout in the side of the hill. Also, there was this one time where...
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By Danny Bowler, 7th GradeSo, I know what you're thinking. You'll be in high school in a few years, and you want to be sexually experienced enough to impress those slammin' senior babes. Well, I hate to break it to you, but all those games of &...
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Bob Gordon, Recovering Alcoholic "C-R-Why? Because my wife left me. Alcohol completely destroyed my life. I used to be an English teacher at a prestigious boarding school, but my real dream was to write. After every publisher in the...
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Bequeath unto me a Swisher Sweet, pray! Hath God made more magnificent a scent? Not e'en the flowers of the most lavish bouquet Could make a man such as I so contentO, ambrosia! Sweet Wild Irish Rose!May your nectar reach deep to my soul The great...
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Robert Muldoon"Clever girl..."
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Dr. UGOTPWNED696969, Professor Emeritus: "Don't call me faggot, faggot."
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