University of Toronto

The Game

 Girls like to play games when all you want is poon. Bad. Coital games are similar to ones you played as a child. Read below to see what type of game she is playing so you can beat her (at her own game). Every healthy relationship...

Disenfranchised Pieces

Cora: Aaawww shiaza labeouf...what did I do last night?!!Lauren: I'm so glad you called, you disappeared.Cora: So drunk dude. I must have slept with fifty thousand people. Jagger: Shame spiral central. I either blackout, sleep with fifty thousand...

Hamburglar Writes the McDonald Land Police Department Requesting a Re-Take of His Mug Shot

Officer Big Mac,      After meeting with my attorney last night following my most recent arrest, I feel that it would be in the interest of justice that you allow me to retake my mug shot.      If...

A Sentimental Moment Leads to A Stupid Conclusion

I am sitting in a cafe. You walk in. "Hello, you must be Natasha." I am not. You have a fit body suggestive of physical activity. Swimming? Rugby? Tae Boe? Whatever it is, it's working. You are excited to be meeting "Natasha" so I accept...

Vegas Baby

Despite awesome movies like The Hangover and shitty movies like Whatever Happens in Vegas, I have no inclination to go to Vegas.  Too many times someone says "Let's all go to Vegas...there is some sweet deal...blah blah blah." To which I have...

Not Your Father's Star Trek

  This is not your father's Star Trek. This is not your cousins Star Trek. This is not Anthony Hopkins's Star Trek. Who is Anthony Hopkins? Ask your father, he'll know. However, he does not know Star Trek. Just like he doesn't know about...

The Complete Idiots Guide to ADD

MasterCard Retracts "Priceless" Slogan

Due to complaints and misunderstandings, MasterCard will no longer be using "priceless" as a campaign slogan.  It has come to our attention that the word "priceless" was taken literally. This is official notification that nothing bought with...

Sorority Newsletter

Sup Sluts, The opinions listed below are offish and considered facts. Results were achieved by consensus, debate, analysis, a popular vote and random sampling of ice cream. So learn it, live it, luv it:Best School Subjects Anything media or...

Facebook Album Names Translated

  Rollover to reveal. Or remain seated to reveal, no diff.Randomness Same old shitGraduationUnemployedSome of my artUnemployedWelcome to the Good LifeI swear I'm cool  AustraliaI am whiteKite SurfingSoooo whiteEnd of an...

Sex Moves: Have Them Crawling Back For More

1.) Blindfold partner2.) Straddle and hand cuff them to bed. Kiss them slowly.3.) Break their legs with an aluminum bat

Asshole vs. Loser

  Spencer Pratt of The Hills is not an asshole. He is a loser. There is a difference.Most guys don't watch The Hills. Some guys watch every episode (not that there's anything wrong with that). Either way, chances are you have...

Response to My Letters to Somali Pirates Requesting They Take up a More Traditional Approach to Piracy on the High Seas

Dear Mr.Peever,Thank you very much for your letters. It's good to know that despite all the negative attention we've been receiving in the media, that we are still able to garner some support. However, at this time, we feel that it would be best...

A Gross Woman Sings

 Susan Boyle has never been kissed, is 47 and unemployed. And one more thing...she can sing. That was not a typo. If you have not watched the video yet, you will. Your original reaction will be "wow, she is ugly".  Not normal ugly, like...

An Intramural Hockey Player Writes A Self Help Book

 Hey there, this book is about how to get motivated. How to dominate.  How to run shit. Perhaps you are from Arkansas and don't give a shit about hockey. Riddle me this: Do you give a shit about banging broads? Then you care about [...

Television Exec Memo

 It's television pitch season people.  Here are shows currently in production. Get excited:Adventure LAN:  Let's Get This LAN Party Started!! Similar to Laguna Beach but about the Local Area Network party scene.  So much real...

Bizzaro College Guy

 To kill time during a class break, Alex starts a conversation with a class mate. Alex:  I am not prepared for this exam. I didn't even buy the textbooks.BCG: No way, how could you not buy the textbooks! They were only $145.00 each....