I make it a point to look at each new stupid gift Facebook comes out with.  I even sent them my idea for the herpes gift (www.collegehumor.com/article:1721084).

In the email, I exclaimed,"You gotsta give the peoplz wut dey want!!!1".  Towards the end of my formal concept pitch, I outlined several new designs and concept groups.  Apparently they didn't find any of them worth paying me for.

But they were all worth STEALING!

Here's the original I showed them.


They even changed the name to 'LoveHand" what the hell?!  They made it f*ing mainstream.  What an abomination! I am sending them a grievance letter about the theft and Mickey-Mousification of MY work.

They must be stopped.

One idea:  herpes

Zack L.

  I think I know why.  And it involves retard babies.

During our day to day lives, we encounter other people as we are trying to get where we are going.  Rush-hour traffic, the entrance to a store, the parking lot, the elevator.  We are in each other's fucking way.  But this is polite society, so we allow cars to merge in front of us, we hold the door a second longer for the approaching person, we dutifully allow pedestrians to cross in front of our car, we hold the elevator door for the double-stepping person.  Man making a small show of altruism to benefit his fellow man.


I'm sorry, I forgot to include women.

Wait, I didn't forget.  Women don't help.

"Whoa, whoa, Zack! That's a bit much.  Of course women help.  They are just as capable as men."


I agree, women could help but they usually don't.  What's worse, if you help them, they aren't as likely to show appreciation as a guy, even if it's a simple "thanks" or a slight wave of recognition.  Pay attention to the cars that you allow to merge in front of you and compare the number of women's waves to men's waves.  The next time you allow somebody to cross in front of you, see how many girls recognize your act in the least.   More than likely, the girls will maintain their fixed gaze on the road ahead  or will bound with unbroken stride across the street.  As far as they're concerned, they were lucky to find an opening or you were obligated to stop or let them go first.


Or, I bet, they assumed that you thought 'they were hot!'.

So if you're a girl and you somehow magically find a spot in traffic, don't need to break stride when approaching a building, or are fortunate to catch that guy after he entered so the door's open anyways, take a quick look because your life isn't just so naturally fortunate- somebody is doing you a favor, so look around and give a courtesy wave, b*tch.

That was the main point of this Up.  The second half is merely me trying to help us understand how this could have come about.  You are probably better off moving on.  Have a good one.

continuation:

Okay, thanks for sticking around.  At this point, I'm going to assume you agree with my opinion that women aren't as altruistic as men in matters of transportation and group movement.  If you don't, you are probably a girl or a guy who doesn't really have much consideration for other people anyways.

So why isn't the b*tch likely to wave?

I always thought that women tended to be more compassionate and sympathetic with other people.  I learned that women's communication faculties are more capable than men's on average.  Part of being an effective communicator is being able to simulate another person's thought process.  I can't just 'say words at you' and you will get my message.  I have to have some clue how you think in order to make sure I arrange my words so that you can make sense of them.  Women are supposed to be good at this, and I wager they really are in general.  So why can't she use her womanly intuition to understand that I inconvenienced myself for her sake? 

During a hunt, I see that you are having difficulty getting into position.  I know that there is a gap because of that fact.  I know you need more time to get into position.  Like I know you need to change lanes immediately if you are going to make it into the upcoming turning lane as your urgency suggests you need to do.  So caveman me shifts positions a little to fill the gap a bit while you advance.  The modern me applies the brakes a little to allow you to chance lanes and move over.  Both with minimal communication if any at all.  So the fact that women are better communicators didn't hinder that deer getting his ass predated one bit. 



[To find a picture to go here, I made
he mistake of running an unsafe

Google image search for "meat."]

[I should know better.]

So, alright, men move better in groups.  We anticipate a need, and when another person anticipates our need and helps us out, we commend them and give a little thanks.  Then there's the fact that another guy put his macho ego aside long enough to help a brother out.  Women don't have any of this going on in their heads. 

"Um, Zack, yes we do."

Okay, then you just aren't polite enough to give a little thanks.  That, or you think we're required to do it.  We aren't.  Sure, we live in a society where men open doors for women and hold things for them, but none of that is absolutely required.  I still think it should be done, though.  Women are merely the fairer sex, not the lesser sex.  That doesn't mean you don't say thank you.

But there is always the possibility that I want to bang you.  Give a 'thank you' wave, anyways.