What to bring:
10) Shot Glasses
Whether you're a drinker or not, let's be honest, you need these for those impromptu celebrations that erupt. Did your team win a championship? Did you actually pass Calculus? That crazy girlfriend finally takes the hint that you're broken up? Its time for a shot! Shot glasses have a variety of other uses too, including but not limited to: drowning sorrows, making pyramids, and (this one's for real) using them to hold up your laptop. And as we all know, shots are also the perfect way to mend broken friendships, start new ones, or to be able to put up with those people who aren't really your friends and just casual drinking buddies, and also a great way to placate strict RAs.

9) Good Stories
Nobody, NOBODY likes to talk to people who don't have good stories. Don't have any? Sure you do. Remember that time you stopped in at white castle and saw Jessie Jackson pounding a crave case? Or that time you poo'd on that jock's car who stole your girl? No? That's because they probably didn't happen. But nobody else has to know that. Come to college with a few good stories up the sleeve and you will be the life of the party

8) White Board
So a cutie in your psych class said they'd stop by your room later. YES! Unfortunately this puts you in a very difficult position: Wait for the cutie to show up or go out to a friend's party? With a white board, you can effectively do both. Trust me girls, guys LOVE getting stood up, and it goes the same way for girls from what I understand. Not only will they be able to spill their heart out on the white board for your whole hall to see, but they'll think your just that much more popular and too good for them. Everyone likes a chase. Do this and you'll be scoring once a week.

7) Free T-shirts
No, not to give out. Free T-shirts from the school not only show school spirit by boldly declaring 'I'm supporting my school because its free to do it', but it also yells you to potential mates 'I'm low maintenance!/I'm a cheap date!' Never mind that they only come in extra large and extra smalls. More motivation to lose weight so you can show off your small baby-gap Tee's!

6) Home made cookies
Can't make friends? After experiencing that terrible college food (its good the first month, I know, but accepting that is on the slippery slope to obese depression) you'll be craving for a new treat. You won't be alone, so its time to break out Mom's double-chocolate-mocha-macademia-caramel-hazelnut-peanutbutter-brownie sugar cookies! The masses will swarm to you as fast as you can supply them. WARNING: this is a really bad idea if your in a hallway specifically for people with allergies to foods like Diabetes. Or a really good one if you want the whole hall to yourself prior to your manslaughter conviction.

5) TUMS
For some reason, all colleges deem it necessary to load up their food with diarettics. Take a mouthful of these with every meal, avoid cheese and milk, and that name of "Poopy Dwayne" will be a thing of the past.

4) Really big speakers
You CANNOT throw good parties without a good speaker system. This is a simple fact my friends. RAs will respect you more when they can feel your subwoofer from 3 floors down, especially if you attend school in an earthquake prone area. Noise complaints? Please. Quiet hours are for pussys. College is for rocking out.

3) High speed internet connection cable
Unless you go to a school for tractors or penmanship, your college will undoubtedly have a ridiculously fast internet connection for you to take advantage of all year. Should you use this to do research? NO! That's what the library is for (never go there). College is all about saving money, so this high speed internet connection should be used for only three things: downloading movies, downloading music, and downloading porn. How else would you fund the music for your parties? Lets get serious, production company conglomerates, we can't afford all your audio visual goodness that we really want! College kids spend all their money on alcohol!

2) Mother's credit card.
Your parents will understand that your too busy studying to get a job. College is tough these days! Once you have this free, unlimited source of cash, you'll be able to take that hot date out to a romantic night on the town. Do I smell love in the air? No, that's just the $70 bottle of wine you treated her to for dinner.

1) Birth Control
Welcome to college kids. Maybe not this semester, maybe not even the next, but statistically, 96%* of college students will at one point bump uglys with someone during their stay in a dorm, and nobody likes a preggy patty or a daddy david as a friend. Think not of your morals, but of your social standing!

*Statistic is fictional.

Continuing with the list of things you should bring to college, its only fair the the good old ˜don't's finally get their share of attention. Below are 10 things you should under no circumstances bring to college.

What not to bring:
10) Digital Camera
Hey, remember that time you went out, got really drunk, and hooked up with that really, really fat and ugly creeper? Probably not, but the evidence of you and big ben will be held over you forever as blackmail if you bring this item to college with you. If you want lasting memories of your college experience, buy a f*ckin diary.

9) Manners
Professors and students alike both don't respect people with any sense of class. Fail a test? Tell the professor to go bang his mom. He'll instantly respect you for your gutsiness and probably raise your grade. You'll go far in the world treating people like trash, rising to the top of your dad's prestigious company in no time. Interested in a girl? Slam the door in her face, play hard to get, and she'll come crawling! Roommate giving you a hard time about being messy? Slap him down, he'll never cross you again!

8) Diary
A diary? Man up.

7) Money
Why spend all your own money when you can just mooch of Bill Gate's nephew? Not only will you get away with all the free stuff you want if you play your cards right, but you'll also have all your savings to go to cancun this spring break and make plenty of new friends as they harass you for repayment.

6) School supplies
Everyone else will be bringing plenty of school supplies, just use theirs. This holds especially true for printing paper and pens. That kid down the hall is LOADED with printing paper

5) High school friends
On a more serious and sobering note, you do NOT want friends from highschool with you. Remember that time you farted in Mrs. Jenkin's geography class and everyone laughed at you until you graduated? So do all your college friends now. Good work, idiot.

4) Cleaning supplies
Two words: Janitor's closet.

3) Flip flops
A lot of people will tell you that you need these to shower. Personally, I find these take up a lot of room and are just plain out of style. If you pack no flipflops, the alternative to some nasty foot fungi seems like it might just be not poor hygiene. Not true! Showering in sneakers or dress shoes will get your body just as clean without the added cost of flip flops. If that's still too much for you, just steal your roommate's. Take their towel and underwear while you're at it too, for good measure.

2) Weather clothing
Much like flip flops, this simply takes up too much space in your dorm, and isn't very cost effective. Pack clothing appropriate for when you move in, and nothing else. This means in December when your plowing your way through 4 feet of snow, just throw on 3-4 more pairs of shorts around your ankles and stuff your shirts full of newspaper. For may, simply cut off the jeans, sweatpants, and other ˜warm' clothing to appropriate summer lengths. The major upside to this is that you can always sew them back on for next winter, when they may be in style like in 1997. Or, you can do as many do, and just not leave the cool air of a dorm near the end of the semester like everyone else cutting classes.

And the number one thing that you will not need packed:
1) Decency!
College is a time for wild parties, drunken escapades, outrageous pranks, and not-so-subtle debauchery. Having any sort of decency is an excellent way to be the odd man out on any of these fun activities. Who wants to have a friend who thinks its wrong to light a passed out dorm mate on fire, or a friend who tries to be the voice of reason when you go up for your first keg stand of the night? Decent Dales are just NOT fun, and as such, you should NOT bring anything even resembling decency to college.

9) Lab store room assistant
While it doesn't sound like a bad job, its easily the most hazardous of all the occupations you could have on campus. Transporting dangerous chemicals are an inherent risk, but the unseen risks are far more deadly: too many students die tragically each year playing in the store room, whether it be a pickup game of tongue jousting with that cute freshmen in the dark or your usual ˜catch the butyric acid', an accidental bump into a rack of syringes full of toxins or into a tank full of liquid nitrogen can lead to a painful, tragic demise. At least you went out with a probable bang.

8) Internships
You have a poor to good work experience. But you receive zero cash and don't realize that until you open your first paycheck to find a hastily written thank you note and a request for a large mocha latte with no sugar.

7) Standardized patient
Basically what this job entails is a trip to mundane-um in you happen to reside in a nursing school, or to the crazed experiments of yore if your in a large research school. Be prepared to be poke, prodded, examined, inspected, rejected and violated by people you may or may not have met 15 seconds prior to their practice rectal exam. If your lucky though, the cute girl who asks you to turn your head and cough might buy you dinner after missing the vein in your arm 8 times with that IV. All you have to do is survive long enough to avoid having a real doctor take care of you.

6) Janitor
After all the crap that college kids eat in the dining halls, you do not want to be the guy that's unplugging the toilet, especially when kids start pissing on the seats, pooing in the showers, or vomming from floor to ceiling. Common, even YOU do this some times, you already know how it sucks cleaning up. Avoid jobs that contain ˜janitor' or ˜dorm' in any of their titles or sub titles.

5) Kitchen worker
Even if you've never seen the movie ˜Waiting' you can already imagine all the nasty shit that happens to your food every time you sit down to eat your favorite mashed potatoes, and do you really want to know just how much of your food isn't ˜made fresh'? In this case, ignorance is bliss. Plus, doing dishes blows.

4) Grounds keeper
These are the janitors of the great outdoors between Schrodinger hall on North campus and Einstein hall on the freshman campus 18 miles away, which is a much preferred place to deposit such delicacies such as: used contraceptives, partially digested pizza from AGK's frat party last night, and road kill. It's really a race against the clock, whether the decay of ole' Rockie or the rejected bits of Canadian bacon and pineapple get to your stomach first. Hope you've got a strong one.

3) Campus TV cameraman
That camera might not seem very heavy at first, but when after 40 takes you still burst out into laughter at the overdramatic acting your recording, you'll want to kill yourself when you realize that the producers will still go with the very first take and simply drown out your laughter with birds or mute the section entirely. Even the actors laugh at it, can't you just film with a handheld? Pray, my friend, you attend an acting school.

2) RA
Its Saturday night, and your buddies down the hall are having a wild party into the wee hours of the morning. The girl/guy ratio is ideal, the booze is free, and... is that a hooker? Man, you love these guys, they're your best friends. Suddenly the door to 205 opens and little Jason Matthews complains about the noise level at 3 am. Reluctantly your forced to open up 206 and tell everyone to quiet down. Jason isn't satisfied, and demands that they are written up for the booze. Rather than punch him out, you actually do your job, get rid of all the booze, write up your best friends, and kick out the girls. Everyone hates you. But not as much as you hate Jason Matthews and your open door policy.

1) Orthodontia 101 exam subject
While you want to avoid all of the above listed jobs, this job is nothing short of terrifying, having your teeth drilled by students who ask ˜wait was I supposed to pull that guy's tooth instead?' or ˜how do you turn this drill on again?" These will be the masters of your mouth for as long as they can keep you in the chairs. The good news: the college can't afford that much Novocain for each student to practice with. The bad news: they practice anyway. Nightmares of drills and water picks fill your restless sleep and you lose 10 pounds from being unable to chew your food. Shortly after, you pull out all your teeth in fear of future dental work.

Special thanks to Daniel Eric Lopez for his input on this article http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556