ANGELICA PICKLES: so who do you think is going to ask you to the prom?

HELGA PATAKI: I don't know, I was hoping Arnold, but I think he's still dating that mayo slut.

ANGELICA: no way! Arnold and Patty are still hooking up?

HELGA: I mean I think so, but whatever, I'm over it. At least my father's not in a wheelchair.

ANGELICA: Helga! That's a terrible thing to say!

HELGA: shit, I know, I'm sorry...I can be such a bitch sometimes.

ANGELICA: mm-hmmm...so back to the point, is there anyone else you might want to go with?

HELGA: I don't know, I actually think that new foreign exchange student Rocko is pretty cute.

ANGELICA: oof I wouldn't go there, I think he's been spending a lot of time with Skeeter if you catch my drift

HELGA: damn! That accent always throws me! I guess I'm not too surprised to hear that, and Skeeter and Doug always were a bit too close. I never believed the whole "bagging nematodes" excuse anyway, we all knew what they were really doing on their Bluff Scout trips.

ANGELICA: yeah and that Mr. Dink probably didn't help, what a creeper.

HELGA: Ew, yeah, he is such a perv...so who do you want to go to the prom with?

ANGELICA: well, I haven't really thought about it. I guess I just always assumed I would go with Roger, but I guess I better find someone else now that we broke up.

HELGA: oh yeah, sorry to hear about that. You guys were perfect for each other.

ANGELICA: I know, I'm still really sad about it. We were both, like, in such dark, mischievous places in our lives until we started dating. I just hope neither of us fall back into our old habits.

HELGA: yeah, and he has all that crazy oil money.

ANGELICA: shoot girl! That's probably the saddest part about it! He bought me those Nancy Spumoni snow boots I wanted for Christmas.

HELGA: you got those?! My parents got me a pair and I stupidly gave them away to Arnold to help his Asian border reconnect with his daughter. The Vietnamese are always f'ing my shit up.

ANGELICA: HELGA! Again! chill!

HELGA: crap, wow, I know. That was a bad one, sorry again.

ANGELICA: let's just forget about it...hey! You know who I'd like to go with?

HELGA: who?

ANGELICA: Otto Rocket

HELGA: bitch, please! That kid is so burnt out- he can barely finish a sentence.

ANGELICA: I'm sure I care to listen to him speak. Have you seen his abs?

HELGA: true story.

    You're an undergrad. You need to build your resume. Commuting an hour and a half each way from Long Island to "the city" in crowded rush hour trains during the hottest summer of the century thanks to global warming is not your idea of a fun summer. You'd rather be lifeguarding at an overpriced day camp, getting paid the best salary you'll get for the next ten years of your life. But this summer is not about fun. In fact, the idea of "fun" is becoming increasingly more distant as you prepare to graduate and the mommy/daddy money tree is drying out.  So here you are, intern.
    You are hired because you're either grossly overqualified for your responsibilities, which include photocopying and mail sorting, or you are distantly related to your CEO and/or Managing Director. Or even better, your father "made a few phone calls." They ask you to arrive at 9am and stay until 6pm. You do approximately a total of 11 minutes of "work," or more appropriately "labor" each day. The remaining 529 minutes are devoted to the following:
1. religiously checking G-mail
2. G-chatting as you check your G-mail
3. general facebook stalking
4. perusing PerezHilton.com
5. checking StubHub for those Radiohead tickets
6. playing the free Sudoko Mac Widget
7. texting your friends to find out where happy hour is today
8. thinking about what alcohol to consume during the aforementioned happy hour
9. trying not to laugh too audibly while reading "Best of Craig's List"
10. wondering how your boss can take himself so seriously with that mustache  
    Now It's lunch time, you think. Somewhere between 11:30am " 2:00pm you are expected to consume food. Nobody tells you this. Do you bring lunch? Do you leave for lunch? If you leave, where do you go? Should you go alone? There's nobody in the office to go with. Do you tell somebody you are taking lunch? Who? Is that unprofessional? What should you eat? Nothing smelly. Nothing that sends you running for the bathroom. On second thought, just don't eat or drink anything during the workday. Those bathrooms are intimidating, always busy and there's a loud echo. You've quickly discovered it's best not to make any sudden movements in general. This way you wont be noticed and asked to fulfill a trivial task at 5:49pm that will keep you in the office until 7:00pm, even though you have been completely unoccupied for the past 8 hours. And although you have been unoccupied, you cringe every time you are asked to do something because it's getting in the way of your doing nothing.
    Now the day is over, you think. Although you haven't done anything productive in hours, they still insist that you stay to the end of the day. You politely ask if there is anything else they would like you to do before you leave, and then you are set free. You perform this ritual earlier and earlier each day, so eventually you are leaving the office at 4:30pm. You leave "work" feeling oddly exhausted for having accomplished nothing throughout the day. Can't wait for the process to start over again tomorrow! But don't worry- all of your "efforts" and "hard work" will culminate into that glorious recommendation, the light at the end of the tunnel, so crucial, so deserving yet unmerited at the same time.