France, look we are sorry about the whole freedom fries thing and calling you sissy's...but we figured that you would at least back us up on the whole weapons of mass destruction thing, whatever happened to the old you scratch my back i scratch yours deal we had going...were thankful for the statue of liberty and whole helping us win a country thing back in the day, we were just a little hurt that you forgot the whole Normandy invasion so quickly..you know we came in huge there, and deep down, you know Sadamn hid those WMD's somewhere..we will be vindicated, so lets just call it even, empire to (former) empire, truce?

Iran honestly just knock it off man, enough with the destroy Israel mentality, and look, we know you're giving money to people that are giving money to people to kill our people..and thats not cool. stop trying to build the nukes too..you are spending all that money and were just gonna end up destroying them anyways..no offense. we already got the plans, and we arent even keeping that shit a secret. i understand that you like your current loud mouth, cocky, take on the world president, and i understand why, The Rock was my favorite wrestler growing up too, but i would never want the man running a country..

Terrorist organizations, if you are reading this, seriously, please will you just get over it...where in the hell does it say to spend your whole lives just plotting out ways to kill innocent people? you guys just need to grow up, are you that frustrated with your life and envious of ours that you just gotta go and blow yourself up? and look, life for americans isnt even that great, yaa who am i kidding, its sweet..but that is not our fault, and you'd be doing the same shit too if you were born here dude, suuure you got 80 virgins waiting for you on the other side, but is it even guaranteed that those are all females? think about it.. so can we just put an end to all this? you know obama is gonna be pulling out the troops here soon, so just give us osama bin laden when we leave, we'll give you each 20 bucks and a donkey and just go on with our lives..

North Korea, we surely haven't forgot about you. You are a little sneakier than all the others though. How about we just stop with the military checkers and just relax a little bit? Sorry about that war but that was like soo 50 years ago. To be honest, I kinda like you, or at least am interested in you. You're like the slightly attractive yet remarkably interesting goth chick in my history class. Yaa now that I think about it like that, maybe it is best if we just stay on opposite sides of the class while I just stare at you.

Russia what the fuck dude? we had a good little streak of non cold war type shit going on and you gotta go invade Georgia. You have a big country as it is, is it that crowded in there, look at the chinese, they arent trying to take over neighboring countries (knock on wood). As far as the missile defense shield we want to put up in Poland, straight up, we gotta have that shit man. Not just because of you, but because of how screwed up the world is right now, and yaa we say its because of Iran, but seriously, yaa we want it in case you do something stupid someday. Don't view it as a threat, its just a shield, think of it as a second chance. Don't blame Poland for it either, it was our idea, and in my opinion they have every right to hate you guys so you should just knock it off with all that. You hang out with Venezuela and practice military operations, yet you don't think we should be nervous. Speaking of which, why does Hugo Chavez have such a damn problem with us? Hes been being a whiny little bitch lately, we buy his oil, what more does he want...the venezuelan karaoke dj at my local hot spot even says he needs to shuto la fukupo

For all the of those filled with hate...its gonna be ok. There is no need to start wars or genocide. Why do you want to start killing people? Life is too short man, I am calling on all of you now to put down the tough guy act. If we can all come together as one, and state proudly "we will mind our own fucking business" then life will be a much more joyous ride.

Also, I read somewhere that there will be 12 billion people in the world in 25 years...soo how about we also try to cut back on the amount of babies being conceived, its hard enough getting a job as it is.

Well Lifetime, you have certainly done it again. While trying to up my IQ over the summer by watching some Frasier, I accidentally let myself watch some of your commercials (whoops there go some IQ points right there) and in between the commercials for your Army Wives show (Exploiting America's Situation: A Lifetime Original) and the story about the slut who spread AIDS all around her school (Teenage Unprotected Sex that Spreads STDs? Hecks Naw: A Lifetime Original), there it was. Destination: Infestation.

Destination: Infestation seems like a great thriller about a bunch of people on a plane who are just sitting there minding their own business until out of nowhere... oh my god there are ants on the plane and they're attacking all of the humans but we can't land because we might infest the place where we land what do we....

Wait! Lifetime? Haven't I seen this movie before? Wasn't there a certain Samuel L. Jackson in it? Wasn't a dog devoured? Let's see if I can remember a quote:

"I'M SICK OF THESE MOTHER F**KIN SNAKES..."

Wait. Now I get it. You decided to change it from snakes to ants and then just call it a day. When it comes out July 7th, 2007, I really cannot wait to see if my guesses on some of the supporting characters were correct. They include: Girl who was raped by her brother's best friend, mother of two with cancer, general of the US army, Fran Drescher, and possibly a creepy stalker man.

It's genius really. Using an already horrible movie to make an even worse one. Plus it has a catchy title. If it was anything other than something that rhymed or made me think of bugs in any way I would've probably forgotten the title by now.

Hats off to you, Lifetime!

Sincerely,
Hana B