Okay, anybody who followed the news media last year noticed that the news organisations were showering praise atDemocratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. This is especially truefor far-left wing outlets like CNN and MSNBC (Don't deny it, WolfBlitzer and Keith Olbermann!). But, isn't there another fellow whose runningfor president?

What's his name? I think he likes potato chips. Um...McDonald? McKenzie? Come on, somebody give me a clue!

Yes, thank you! Crinkle Cut McCain is the Republican nominee runing against Mr Obama.

Somejoking aside though, John McCain seems to have been nudged aside infavour of Barack Obama, who the liberal media seems to be portraying assome sort of messiah (although the New Yorker seems to say otherwise).Fox News however wants to keep reminding us that his middle name isHussein and are constantly confusing him with Osama. A lot of fuss was made about how he was the first minority to become presidentof the United States. Well, I don't think the anchors have beenchecking the history books well enough. Does nobody remember RonaldReagan and John Garfield? One was an actor and the other was a cat witha love for lasagna who can easily be linked to Bill Murray much fasterthan Kevin Bacon.

Now, the biggest story regarding McCain isthat he's old. But, really, he's not that old. He's only 71 after alland just last summer we saw Harrison Ford (age 66) swinging from wipesand riding on a motorcycle with Shia LaBeouf. And did you see whatMcCain did during his campaign trail? He was almost trampled by a stampede of cartonsat the supermarket.

Oh, you didn't see that? Well, that's becauseyou were watching Obama speaking to people in The Old World. Seriously,you were running for president of the United States!Leave the glob-trotting and world domination to Carmen Sandiago. Peoplehave been talking about John McCain mentioning a non-existant borderbetween Iraq and Pakistan (because, you know, Iran is, like, between those two countries), yet why should he bother with meaninglessgeography like that. If he decides to travel down there, let hisairplane pilot or horse-and-buggy driver figure that lot out. The manhas work to do.

And another thing about Obama's world travels.How is he supposed to relate to the people by doing that? EveryAmerican has walked into a supermarket and browsed the cheese section(people who are lactose-intolerant don't count as Americans, I callthem Swedes. Believe it or not, their votes aren't counted comeNovember). Yet, who has been to Iraq, Israel and Germany all in thesame week? Only Obama. Yet, they're giving him more attention.

Peoplesay that McCain is boring, yet he's not the one rambling about hope andchange all the way. He spices it up a bit. Off-shore drilling, the warin Iraq...um...the Iraq-Pakistan border are all different topics he hastalken about. And where's his satirical and controversial New Yorkercover? I'm sure he'd like to be drawn as an old, wiltering fogeyhimself, while eating butter-scotch cookies with Cindy McCain andgiving adorable, little hugs to George W Bush.

In fact, I'm sure CNN and all those other Obama-obsessed news outlets reported the running mate announcements as such (I was having a Hardly Working marathon on CollegeHumor):

"Andin today's news, John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin as his runningmate...AND COMING UP IN A THREE-HOUR SPECIAL PROGRAM, WE REPORT ONBARACK OBAMA'S RECENT ANNOUNCEMENT OF HIS RUNNING MATE, FOLLOWED BY ANINTERVIEW WITH THE MAN ON LARRY KING LIVE AND THEN A SPECIAL THREE-HOURSEGMENT OF THE SITUATION ROOM."

Better load up on your Starbucks, Wolfie, 'cause you're gonna be up all night long.

I think Apple stumbled on a potential goldmine. Famous people teaching ordinary people! In their computer! For a fee! Next logical step where Apple and co. make ton of money would be:

New to iLife '10: "Famous" People Teaching Life Lessons

For example, you could buy life lessons from Britney Spears: how to become a successful "singer" with naturally born "techno" voice, then marry a shady man (adequate back-up dancer, horrible rapper) despite everyone in your life thinks it is a "not a good idea", then have an expensive divorce after two years, go absolutely bonkers, lose the custody to a deadbeat dad, and make a "come-back", all the while lip-syncing to your own songs and make a news when you cannot - in five installments!

In her clips, Brit-brit may flash you her underwear-less self, and act like nothing happened. Also, at some point her lips may be moving, but the voice is saying something different, confusing the hell out of the viewers.

Britney Spear would be perfect for Life Lessons since her former fans would have grown up in the last ten years, and it is time for them to make horrendous life decisions. And Apple could expand its market in a demographic group they call "people who should not be using a computer, much less a mac".

Or take Lauren Conrad, from The Hills (MTV, renew The CollegeHumor Show!). She'd be, like, totally awesome for Life Lessons: how to "star" in a "unscripted" "reality show", make a sex tape expecting nothing will come of it and make a huge fuss when it does, create drama out of nowhere, become an expert at it, associate with people who create drama out of nowhere better than you do, and "walk away" from the show expecting she would still be better than a tabloid fodder when her 15-minute is over.

In her clips, all of her conversations would look overdubbed, and the editing goes crazy and show unrelated reaction shots of the crew, leaving the viewers go WTF. Also, the clips would be peppered with Brody Jenner's convenient, "coincidental" appearance at the studio.

...On the other thought, all lessons should have "do not try this at home" disclaimer on them. One Britney Spears and One Lauren Conrad is enough for this world.