"Green. Tampa. I'll play in literally ANY Bay."

Ethan: Did he think he was being particularly clever by showing up and conceding the starting job to Rodgers? "Yeah, I'll be the backup. You don't have to release me or anything. Now, about that $12 million..."

Amir: Favre lives in some sort of bizarro world where work is inversely proportional to money. If he stays retired, he'll get $25M. If he plays as a back up he'll get $12M. And his ideal situation is starting somewhere and getting paid less than that. It's like welfare on steroids.

Ethan: I thought welfare on steroids was Sammy Sosa's contract by the end of his career. I'm warming on the idea of Favre to the Jets. They're really just one Hall of Famer away from being 7-9!

Amir: Bring back Curtis Martin!

Ethan: What exactly is Favre even thinking at this point? Does he want to play with Jerricho Cotchery that badly? Or does Favre have him in a keeper league he really, really wants to win this year? Or will he just follow Bubba Franks anywhere?

Amir: I think he just wants to get injured. He's done everything but tear an ACL. Why does Daunte Culpepper get all the fun?!

Ethan: If this results in Favre getting his roll on, it will all have been worth it. Does Tampa Bay win the Super Bowl with him?

John Lackey gave up his first hit and realized his last name had negative connotations in the same inning.

Ethan: If the Angels had acquired Teixeira and gotten a no-hitter yesterday, it would have been one of the best days in franchise history, sort of the exact opposite of the day they acquired Mo Vaughn.

Amir: The day the Rally Monkey contracted AIDS.

Ethan: Did you like this trade for the Braves?

Amir: I guess Kotchman and a prospect are better than nothing. Plus the Angels needed some hope this season, things were looking BLEAK, and I mean DISMAL.

Ethan: Well, I don't actually think they couldn't have won in the playoffs with the offense they had. Between the offense, the solid rotation with a stud like Lackey at the top, and the killer bullpen, they could be there.

Amir: The Braves couldn't do better than this, though? Kotchman's a good enough player, but he doesn't have much power for a first baseman and he lost most of a season to mono once. Who has he been kissing?

Ethan: The Braves now have one reliable power source, and it's an aging, injury-prone third baseman named Larry. Won't someone just let Manny be Manny?

Amir: I think Manny should take a day or two just being somebody other than Manny. Maybe Ron Artest? They're pretty much the same thing aren't they? Talented nuisances?

I would retire, but then what would John Madden have to talk about?

Irv Favre: Ok guys, we're about to cross the George Washington bridge during rush-hour traffic. Does anyone need to go to the bathroom before we get on?

Brett: I'll be fine Dad; you don't need to worry about me.

Irv: Are you sure Brett? You've been pretty quiet back there, and you didn't use the bathroom when we were driving through upstate.

Brett: Don't worry, I'm good for now. I've only had one Capri Sun since the last rest stop, and my bladder remains blissfully empty.

30 minutes later

Brett: Dad, I changed my mind, I really need to go.

Irv: Brett, we're in the middle of the bridge! There are cars on either side of me, and no exits for a few miles. Can you just wait?

Brett: What, I'm the quietest kid in the back seat, I never spill my juice box, I never ask whether we're there yet, and this is the treatment you give me?

Irv: I'm sorry son, but we can't do anything about it at this point in time. You told me you didn't have to piss, and so we moved on. What more can I say?

...

Irv: Oh SWEET CHRIST, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

Congratulations to 2008 British Open champion, Some Dude Who Is Not Tiger Woods.

Ethan: Probably a bad sign for golf that the most compelling non-Tiger figure out there was what was left of Greg Norman. Still, give Harrington credit for winning his second straight Claret Jug.

Amir: I have no idea what any of that means.

Ethan I think it means that people would rather see Tiger Woods play Golden Tee then watch anybody else play real golf. What do you think would get better ratings?

Amir: I'd rather watch Tiger play one of those bar games where you try to shoot the deer with the plastic gun. He would stalk that buck with such quiet intensity.

Ethan: Does Jason Taylor put the Redskins on top of the NFC East?

Amir: No. It doesn't even put their defense on the top of the NFC East. Cowboys secondary is great, Eagles added Asante Samuel and the Redskins trade some picks to get Jason Taylor who publicly stated that this is his last year in the NFL. This is what they get for having one of Clinton Portis' characters in charge of player personnel.

Ethan: Are you kidding me? Kid Bro Sweets is like Drew Rosenhaus himself, except he likes Reese's Pieces more. The Redskins' D wasn't all that bad last year, but their offense was pretty stagnant. Maybe Jim Zorn can fix it, but I'm also sure he's already in last place on my list of NFL coaches. (I go alphabetically, not based on ability.)

Amir: Is it that time of year for us to rank every offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator in the NFL?!

Not Pictured: Victor Zambrano pitching in the All Star Game.

Ethan: I really, really wanted for Kazmir to reach his pitch count limit. What would have happened then? "All right, Scott...we're shifting you to the outfield. Sizemore, you can pitch, right?" Do you think Dan Uggla was playing a drinking game where he had to take a shot every half-inning?

Amir: People are feeling bad for Terry Francona for running out of players, but what about Clint Hurdle? His team is almost 20 games under .500 and they just taunt him by surrounding him with All-Stars. Would he have still gotten to coach if he was fired in June?

Ethan: To be fair, he was curious why he couldn't pick Jeff Francis as his starter. "I don't care that he's injured and terrible...stick with who brought you to the dance, fellas." After seeing Dioner Navarro get thrown out at the plate while apparently running in oatmeal, I'm curious who'd win a footrace: Navarro or Dikembe Mutombo

Amir: Josh Hamilton would beat them both. At anything. Even a long-name-having contest He can do anything. Why does the MLB All-Star game even have an MVP. Shouldn't it just have a "Guy who had the most RBI's Award?"

Ethan: I was amazed watching Hamilton on Monday night, but for me, the highest comedy was his senior citizen pitcher. After Hamilton destroyed the first round, he came off the mound and they had an exchange of "So we're done, right?" "No, two more rounds." "Oh my." Poor Justin Morneau, though...scores the winning run, wins the Home Run Derby, and nobody's giving him any respect. He's even more disrespected than that poor pitiful Brett Favre.

Amir: If the Packers would just release him maybe he could at least join the Texas Rangers?

"Tell me more about this 'cheese' thing..."

Ethan: David Cone to the Blue Jays in 1992 was a good one.

Amir: Don't bother proving me wrong with "facts."

Ethan: The NL is weak enough this year that this strategy could work if Sheets stays healthy. Even if the Brewers can't catch the Cubs, they should still be able to get the wild card. If they make the playoffs, they can roll the dice with Sabathia and Sheets could do what Schilling and Randy Johnson did in 2001. Of course, that paragraph hinges on the phrase "if Sheets stays healthy," which inspires little confidence. Not as little as say, "If Rich Harden stays healthy..."

Amir: Harden sprained both his eyeballs just reading reports of the trade. He's out for 8-12 weeks.

Ethan: Hey, it wouldn't feel like a real Cubs season without Mark Prior, right? They had to find the next-best thing. The Cubs' rotation is still good enough to win the NL even if Harden doesn't stay healthy. The offense and the top three starters should be enough. If they get five or six starts out of him before all of his joints spontaneously combust, they'll be in good shape. Ryan Dempster forever!

Amir: So do you have the Brewers or the Cubs facing the Rays in the World Series?

Ethan: I'm still hoping for Phillies-Rays. I think David Price will have to come up later in the year and pitch like a maniac for the Rays to hold off the Sox. That, or the Sox could just keep letting that old All Star Jason Varitek bat four times a week. That would help the Rays, too.

Amir: What is more possible as of right now, Favre playing next season or the Rays winning the AL?