7 Doomsday Predictions and Why They Won't Come True

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 08:57:34 -0500

The end of the year is usually a time for celebration, but in 2012 things have taken a darker turn – it seems everyone from the ancient Sumerians to modern-day UFO abductees believe the world is coming to an end before the month is out. Let's take a look at some of these doomsday predictions and see if we can separate fact from fiction:

1. End of the Mayan Calendar

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Totally Not-Fake Apocalypse Happening Right Now

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 11:01:46 -0500

Just took this pic an hour ago.

Wait, did I sleep through the end of the world, again?

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 17:19:40 -0500

I've settled my debts. Prayed for forgiveness. Duct taped myself inside my dorm room. I am at peace with the end of everything as we know it. As soon as that happens. Wait, when's that supposed to happen again? December twenty-somethingth? I always forget. Shit.

TLDNR / What if the Apocalypse Really Does Come on 12/21/12

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 15:01:29 -0500

The Mayans long ago created a calendar that is set to expire on 12/21/12. Many across the world have interpreted this as a doomsday prophecy and are flocking to areas of supposed significance, awaiting the end of times. The chance that a pre-Columbian society with an admittedly advanced understanding of heavenly motion – though not nearly as advanced as ours now – could predict the expiration date of earth more than five hundred years in the future is, to put it kindly, remote. However, as with all analysis of likelihoods, there is of course a chance that the Mayans could be correct. And that would just suck, right?!

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Walmart Is Equipped for Zombie Apocalypse

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 15:54:27 -0400

The money you save on this will make heads roll.

Weatherman Predicts the Apocalypse

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 16:32:59 -0400

It's going to be a probably not real scorcher.

Zombie Apocalypse Headquarters

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:40:29 -0400

I really wish people would be more careful with their cameras.

Post Apocalyptic Gang Meeting

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:29:05 -0400

Jeff
Hey, guys. First off, thanks for showing up to the budget meeting on time. I know we all hate this stuff but it's important that we figure out our finances. We are quarantined off from the rest of the world after all.
Gang Guy #1
Get on with it, Jeff. I've got a face tattoo appointment to make.
(the rest of the gang grumbles in agreement)
Jeff
That's actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about. I've been crunching the numbers and it seems like 99% of our resources go towards tattoos and makeup for the gang.
Gang Guy #2
Don't forget those sick spiky shoulder pads.
(claps from the rest of the gang)
Gang Guy #3
Ya those things rock.
Gang Guy #1
The rest of the world abandoned us, Jeff, and you don't want us to look as cool as possible?
Jeff
That's my point! We have limited resources. I propose we stop using all our oil and water for tattoos and face paint and instead we use it to set up, I dunno, an irrigation system? Potable water would be nice. Maybe we even figure out how to grow our own food so we don't have to eat other members of the gang.
Gang Guy #1
Now you're too cool to eat members of the gang? We're a post apocalyptic gang, dude, that's what we do!
Gang Guy #2
What happened to you?
Jeff
We ate my brother last week. We put him on a giant skewer, hovered him over a fire and devoured him like hyenas because, and I quote, "dude this is what we do." That's what happened to me.
Gang Guy #1
Listen, Jeff. We get it. We really do. None of us wanted to be stuck behind this wall left to fend for ourselves. But will you look at it from our point of view? The virus that decimated this city turned us into freaks. I literally have doggie parts from the waist down and Jimmy over there has no butthole. If there's one thing we've learned it's that putting makeup and tattoos all over our bodies while slowly regressing as a society are the only things that motivate us to wake up everyday. It's all we've got dude. Granted we probably didn't have to eat your bro but we're making the best of a bad situation. Our bad.
Gang Guy #2
Those sick ass shoulder pads more or less replaced my wife. She's on the other side of that wall and I'm here. Don't take that away from me so you can grow your own summer squash, Jeff.
Jeff
Can we at least stop adding plows and flame throwers to all our cars? These weekly Demolition To The Death Derbies we have don't seem to accomplish anything…
All Gang Members
Oh, come on!

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Super Bowl Commercial: Chevy Silverado Apocalypse

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:23:24 -0500

It's the end of the world as they showed it.

Duck-pocalypse

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 16:18:02 -0400

The quacks of civilization are already beginning to show.

The Apocamix

Wed, 18 May 2011 13:50:46 -0400

Check this out before the world ends on May 21st.

Erupting Thunder Volcano

Fri, 28 Jan 2011 13:17:11 -0500

God is angry because you've been masturbating.

I for one welcome our new robot leaders

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 19:51:46 -0500

8 Signs We're Doomed In A Robot Apocalypse

This is how the world ends, not with a bang but with a cute chicken

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 17:23:06 -0500

17 Apocalypses we'll never see coming.

"My family and friends are rotting corpses trying to feed on my brains. AWESOME!"

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:49:02 -0400

Graphjam: "Things I Would Do During A Zombie Apocalypse"

The Large Hadron Collider's Secret

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 11:39:17 -0500

This week, CERN found the God Particle. Apparently they've also found the Devil Particle.

End of the World Parody

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:27:11 -0500

I don't feel fine.

Giant Meteor Explosion over Utah

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:36:52 -0500

"Hey, not fair! The world's not supposed to end until next year."

In 2012 we'll be up to Spy Kids 7, isn't that proof enough of the apocalypse?

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:32:46 -0400

5 Things that you didn't know about 2012.

In summary, yes, robots are going to destroy us

Tue, 26 May 2009 17:23:48 -0400

8 scholars weigh in on the possibilites of a Terminator apocalypse.

CollegeHumor: Apocalypse