Lick his balk.
It may seem like he's trying to make the best of a bad situation, but he just really wants his teammates to start calling him Jack.
Also called the "don't accidentally break your entire T.V." method.
Just in case you didn't feel bad enough about blaming your store-bought for dropping that pop-up in the company softball game.
The most exciting thing to happen to baseball since the National Anthem.
Juuuuust a bit outside (of what most people would consider normal).
"I'm going to have to put this flaming baseball out with my own piss."
They ended up bonding over how much they hate the Yankees.
"You've got to do something to make it exciting."
He may throw twice as fast and make twice as much money, but at least--you know what, never mind, he still wins.
As if the home runs weren't enough, their attendance is proof your pitcher's stuff isn't electric.
As if we needed any more proof that this team was cursed.