Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
9 lives you say? Age means nothing to me you mortal fools!
It's the best day of the year, girl. Birthday sex.
And a very special tubgirl birthday to you too.
Breaking a two year dry streak deserves a cake. You can't argue that.
Virgins can eat some of the frosting left in the plastic cup. It's soaking wet and at the bottom of the trash can.
See, you can have your c*ck and eat it too.
That's a most supple age.
The NASCAR cake must have been out of their price range.
"Ice cream flavors are binary so either chocolate or vanilla. None of that strawberry crap!"
They only had to cut the cake in half to share it with everyone at the party.
Last time I ever order a cake in Mississippi over the phone.
All the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Chocolate!" and I'll whisper "French Vanilla Marble."
I wonder where they put the candle on that birthday cake.
Best Valentine's Day present ever.
"Thanks for the cake guys! I'm super, super cereal."
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.