CollegeHumor: Candles

9 Scented Candles I'd Actually Buy (That They'll Never Make)

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 13:08:16 -0400

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Walmart Has New Candles

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:01:42 -0400

Out with the old, I say! OUT WITH THE OLD!

How To F*ck All Romantic

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 17:17:44 -0500

What up, lovemeisters! Lovemaster D here (formerly Sexxmasta XXxX) to answer all your hot, throbbing questions about the ladies R. E. Colon HOW TO GET THEM.

Now a lot of you always ask me, "Yo, Sexxmasta, I really wanna fuck some classy bitches, but these bitches won't let me fuck em – what's these bitches fuckin' problems?" BZZZT! WRONG! There's your first problem right there – you think the problem's with the bitches, when the problem is really with the biggest bitch of all — YOU. And it's a problem with only one solution: You gotta learn how to FUCK ROMANTIC.

Today, I'm gonna teach you how to fuck all romantic, so can go out and do that and be like "Thanks Sexmasta!" and I'll be like "You can thank me after you stop fuckin plus there's two X's in Sexxmasta but thanks man up top!"

Here's the rubber: These women today, you can't just be all "Hey baby, lemme buy you a drink, how bout two drinks, how bout three drinks, BOOM! Cab, bedroom, D, sleep". Nah, these modern bitches — well first of all, you shouldn't call them "bitches", it's not polite cause they're smart people — but anyway these bitches are like "I have a job, I like nice clothes and shit, so if you want to get with me, you better gimme some romance." You're all like "Ro-WHAAT?" Mance is the answer. Here are 7 Ways To Put The "Romantic" in "Romantic Fucking":

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Schnitzel with Noodles Yankee Candle

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 12:37:25 -0400

It comes with a complimentary growler.

Little Brother Tries to Intercept Blowing Out Candles

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 13:45:03 -0400

That'll send him to therapy fifteen years down the line.

Kid Flicks Card at Candle

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 11:56:34 -0400

He's a paper cut ninja.

Little Girl Can't Blow out Candle

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:20:23 -0500

"Oh no, she's going to be two forever." -Bad father who didn't know she was actually turning four.

Kid Really Likes Yankee Candles for Some Reason

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:20:26 -0500

He has the one thing bullies can't take from him: candles.

Retro Game Stop-Motion Candle Animation

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:01:57 -0400

The only thing more fun than playing videogames is playing with fire. Also, jetskiing.

Untitled 9

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 16:02:47 -0400

Don't worry, all babies go through a pyromaniac phase.

Mind-Blowing Birthday Candle

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 12:26:45 -0400

This makes me wish every day was my birthday, even more so than before.

Extreme Arm Wrestling

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:00:21 -0500

These guys make regular arm wrestling look like a thumb war.

10 Quirky Science Tricks for Parties

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:32:34 -0500

Because there's no better place for magic shows than a kegger.

I Was My Own Birthday Candle

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 11:41:42 -0400

"It's my party, and I'll fry if I want to."

Untitled 14

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 09:15:40 -0500

Finally, someone combined the markets for soothing candle aromas with being fat, lazy, slobs.

Mandles

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:55:06 -0500

Finally, a gift for the man in your life who already mans everything!

roman candles, so many uses

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:08:26 -0400

It was this guys birthday on Canada Day, he really wanted to be part of the festivities

Untitled 17

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 21:23:04 -0400

Best case scenario - the candle burns down and all the wax melts into his hair.

Untitled 18

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 00:00:00 -0400

Maybe they should have used a different color candle?

Untitled 19

Fri, 20 Dec 2002 00:00:00 -0500

"Although it is not actually our friend Dan's birthday, putting cherry yogurt and cake on his head and then sticking in lit candles still seemed like a good idea at the time."