CollegeHumor: Dan making out with someone http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/dan-making-out-with-someone Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /video/6034488 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6034488/hardly-working-wadan Hardly Working: WaDan Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:12:40 -0400 /video/3005349 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3005349/brohemian-rhapsody Brohemian Rhapsody Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:40:45 -0400 /article/1171442 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1171442/collegehumors-hardly-working CollegeHumor's Hardly Working Mon, 18 Jun 2007 10:17:04 -0400

"CollegeHumor's Hardly Working" is a series of short and silly videos we shoot around the office. This episode is called "Excuse Me" and features /article/976412 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/976412/my-train-of-thought-before-during-and-after-a-first-kiss My Train of Thought Before, During, and After A First Kiss Fri, 27 Apr 2007 17:23:14 -0400

All right, you’ve come this far. You’re sitting next to her on the grass, it’s a beautiful night, you’re wearing the only nice shirt you own, and you’ve found a posture that hides your unholy armpit swamp.You’re rocking a minor splash of Antonio Banderas cologne, and, for better or worse, you’re pretty sure you’re the only person on the planet who owns that cologne. Wait, why are you even wearing cologne? You’re supposed to Be Yourself, and you’re not a Cologne Type of Guy. This was a terrible mistake; everything is going terribly and you’re going to die alone.

Get yourself together! You’re Cruise, you’re Pitt… no, you’re Swayze. You’re “Ghost”-era Swayze, and she is your pre-Ashton Demi. Like them, what you need right now is the Hand-on-Hand. A gentle Hand-on-Hand will be your romantic traffic light. If she accepts, it’s green, and you go. If she accepts tentatively, it’s yellow, and you go. What would Swayze say? He’d say “The red bulb is broken, motherfrogger,” because you can’t curse on cable, and then he’d play a guitar solo on a moving motorcycle. Let’s do this.

Alright, pinky. You’re just a naïve little inchworm that I have no control over, and… contact! She didn’t move her hand! There is a bead of sweat racing down your back and towards your ass crack like Luke Skywalker approaching the Death Star trench. And these sweaty palms… she probably thinks you just crawled through a vat of diced honeydew and hello, she’s moving her thumb back and forth! This is monumental! Now distract her by pointing to an “owl,” and then reach for that peppermint Cert you strategically placed in your pocket four hours ago. Just grab it real smooth, don’t even look, pop it right in, and- okay, that was a nickel. Swallow it and deal with it later.
...]]>