Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Well, isn't that inspiring?
"I was with my girlfriend eating Chinese food when she insisted on opening both of the fortune cookies. Best day of my life. I love the future!"
You will eat cold General Tso's with your bare hands tonight.
Greasy, greasy Chinese food.
And some fortune cookie writers contain no soul.
Either I have schizophrenia or I really shouldn't have taken Fido off life support.
Fortune for one! Misfortune for all!
OK, China Is Messing With Us With These Fortune Cookies...
Super vague predictions will be made to you sometime in the future.
Chinese food makes dreams come true
This is exactly what the sweatshop monkey had in mind when he wrote that fortune on his typewriter.
One of your 365 dreams should be to have those 9 days of the year back.
I Think The Guy Who Writes Fortune Cookies Wants to Tell Us Something
Wrong! I masturbated BEFORE I came to Taco Bell, as I always do.
See honey, even the fortune cookie agrees with me.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.