CollegeHumor: God Blog Articles http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/god-blog Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/3224360 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3224360/god-blog-revelation-xiii God Blog: Revelation XIII Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:17:14 -0500 Suuuuuuuuuup? Oh man, remember that girl I was into a few months ago? The one I had killed so that she could come live with me in a more perfect harmony while armies of angels attended to her every whim? Bi-otch was Ka-ray-zay with a capital Kooky! Oh My Me, this girl was one of those 'I'm cold' girls, ya know? She was just always like, "Brrrr, I'm freezing." "Ugh, why is it so cold up here?" "I'm so cold, I miss my husband, blah blah blah." For real, i couldn't take it anymore so I sent her to Hell to burn for all eternity. JAKES! I sent her to Oakland, CA as a newborn baby, which is almost as bad.
...]]> /article/3211171 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3211171/god-blog-revelation-xii God Blog: Revelation XII Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:01:37 -0500 Hey guys, what's happening? Just kidding, I already know. Before I get to My thoughts I just want to address the fact that I have a sponsor on my blog. A lot of you guys were like, "Ugh, this is so lame," and one of you (Trevor Hanson of Duluth, MN) got sexually excited by the notion of sponsored content for some reason (NOT my doing). I guess I'm looking at it like 'this is the cost of my free time,' ya know? Plus, they don't tell Me what to write about which is good because the last time someone tried to do that I got so annoyed I made it so puppies would grow up.
...]]> /article/3195942 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3195942/god-blog-xi God Blog XI Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:48:33 -0500
Sorry I haven't been blogging as much lately, I was busy with some stuff in the Qth dimension (no one would understand, literally). Mondays are My loooong days at work so I thought I would take a break and update you guys about you know, whatever.
...]]> /article/1198134 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1198134/god-blog-x---the-almighty-in-love God Blog X - The Almighty In Love Thu, 28 Jun 2007 15:22:42 -0400
You guys, I am soooo sorry for the heat wave. It wasn't suposed to happen like that at all. It was supposed to get gradually hotter but I was so distracted that I set the sun to full blast and didn't remember to put the timer on it. I totes did not mean to do that and I'm sorry. The thing is I've been kind of distracted lately.
...]]> /article/1162495 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1162495/i-hate-sequels I Hate Sequels Thu, 14 Jun 2007 17:17:36 -0400
Does anyone know what the deal with Evan Almighty is? Is it like a sequel or what?



...]]> /article/1031915 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1031915/everyone-please-ignore-paris-hilton Everyone, Please Ignore Paris Hilton Thu, 10 May 2007 12:28:48 -0400


For anyone who is fortunate enough NOT to know, Paris Hilton is going to jail. I don't spy on mortals all day or anything, but it's impossible to avoid hearing about it. It's on the front page of every newspaper while news like, "Pope Stresses Church's Stance on Abortion" is buried on page who-gives-a-sh*t (sorry about these asterisks, if I curse it kills 10,000 people).
...]]> /article/956942 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/956942/god-blog-vii God Blog VII Tue, 24 Apr 2007 16:03:11 -0400


Current Mood: Merciful

Watching: My creation unfold before Me



Ugh, I'm so behind on My floods. I was supposed to flood Tennessee last week and I totally flaked on it! But it's not like I can just up and flood it today because that would make all the weathermen be like "whaaaaa?" I like letting them think that "science" is in control. ROFLocalypse.
...]]> /article/882033 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/882033/god-blog-vi God Blog VI Tue, 10 Apr 2007 16:38:04 -0400

Been feeling kinda hollow lately. I was in The Infinite Pasture when, against all odds, I run into Mary. We kind of had this thing a while ago. In the words of Facebook, "it's complicated." Sorta awk at first, but after a while it felt like old times. She said we should talk again soon, but I didn't have to read her mind to know she didn't mean it. Why I can't meet a girl like her anymore? Not to toot my own horn, but I'm transcendent and handsome ;-).
...]]> /article/824474 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/824474/god-blog-v God Blog V Wed, 28 Mar 2007 23:31:04 -0400



Current Mood: Vengeful

Watching: Eyes Wide Shut (WTF Is going on!!!)



...]]> /article/724128 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/724128/god-blog-iv God Blog IV Tue, 06 Mar 2007 14:02:53 -0500
I didn't know what to blog about today, so I stole this quiz from Uriel's blog.



A is for Age: I'm ageless, but if you're getting picky I'm technically Ж years old.
...]]> /article/685004 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/685004/god-blog-iii God Blog III Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:08:19 -0500


Current Mood: Bored

Listening To: You masturbating, crying



UGH, I'm SO sick of winter. Don't get me wrong, I love shutting down elementary schools and increasing road fatalities by a third. Honestly, I do. But then it's like everyone starts to bitch about it. Do you think I like having winter? It's terrible. My army of class-C Seraphims has to work overtime making snow, and they don't have enough time to put together a new musical every night. It's f*cking awful. Anyway…what else…
...]]> /article/461313 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/461313/god-blog-ii God Blog II Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:10:44 -0500
Ughhhhh, have you ever woken up late and been like "Sh*t, I was supposed to answer prayers this morning!" but then you can't get out of your cloud bed? happened to me today…AGAIN! It's not that I'm lazy, I just can't get up when my alarm goes off! I know I should get up but I just snooze and snooze and snooze. When I'm in bed, I'll come up with these crazy justifications that make sense at the time. "Oh I'm eternal; I can just answer prayers later." Then later when I don’t even get to get to the prayers of innocent children, I feel like I'm failing at being a deity. Of course, I'm the ONLY deity, so it's not like I have to compare myself to anyone else. I guess I just set the bar high for myself and then feel like an ass if I don’t live up to my own expectations. Wow, I'm rambling, sorry. LOL! (Loving Our Lord)
...]]> /article/372181 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/372181/god-blog God Blog Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:09:17 -0500

Current Mood: All Powerful

Listening To: Your Prayers



Do you guys ever wake up and you're just like, "Ugh, this sh*t again…" That's how I felt today. For starters, my Tivo didn't record the Golden Globes the other night even though I totally told it to. I had to watch the best parts on YouTube which was OK except that my Internet was going super slow. It's like, WTF Time Warner? I created you, how about a little respect?

Now normally I take a huge dump in the morning. I like to sort of save it up all day and night and then let it all go right when I wake up. Gross, I know, but if you can't handle hearing shit like that then stop reading my blog. Not to brag, but I think shitting is one of the greatest things I've ever willed into being, and I also created everything else. Ramiel will tell you it was his idea, but that's TOTAL BULLSHIT. LOLviticus!
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