Saying “I’m high as a kite!” means you’re probably a little high. Saying “I am a kite!” means you’re high as a kite.

— Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) /article/6761554 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6761554/staff-jokes-april-27-2012 Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:09:05 -0400

Wanna feel old? Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) turns 101 years old today.

— Amir Blumenfeld (@jakeandamir) April 25, 2012

I’d enjoy Game of Thrones more if everyone wore name tags, and summaries of their stories so far.

— Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) April 16, 2012

Open mics teach you a simple three-step formula for effective joke-telling: Setup, Punchline, Insist Punchline Was Funny.

— Alex Schmidt (@AlexSchmidty) April 16, 2012

...]]> /article/6754936 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6754936/staff-jokes-april-13-2012 Fri, 13 Apr 2012 14:29:22 -0400

Every movie theater can be a drive-in if you try hard enough.

— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) April 8, 2012

Had no idea you could get a ticket for urinating in a public shower. Who has a bridal shower in Central Park anyway? Tacky…

— Jesse Eisemann (@eisemann) February 14, 2012

you ever have one of those farts that sounds like someone died in the hunger games?

— Saj P (@sajpo) April 10, 2012

Just worked out to dubstep, which was cool cuz my fat turned into bits and hydraulic pumps & now I’m a robot built to destroy bikini season

— emily axford (@eaxford) March 31, 2012

Sex is the leading cause of life

— Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) April 10, 2012

...]]> /video/6753161 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6753161/10-great-pranks-to-play-on-your-friends Wed, 11 Apr 2012 11:37:46 -0400 /article/6750661 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6750661/staff-jokes-april-6-2012 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:33:40 -0400

“It’s crazy to think that my kids won’t know what VCRs look like. Or fax machines. Or raisins.” — Father of 4 blind children.

— Amir Blumenfeld (@jakeandamir) March 20, 2012

Give your bro an LGBT shirt, tell him it means “Let’s Get Bitches Tonight,” Laugh as he accidentally makes the world a better place to live

— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) April 4, 2012

You say “tomato,” I say “I really wish you’d stop naming fruits, we’re in the middle of planning Dad’s funeral.”

— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) April 2, 2012

People always say meat comes from innocent animals, but how do you know a steak didn’t come from a cow that was rapist?

— Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) February 3, 2012

Drank like CRAZY last night. Stomach feels terrible. Till I feel better I’m sticking to these pretzels from Snyder’s of Hangover.

— Alex Schmidt (@AlexSchmidty) March 15, 2012

I’m going to start calling my testicles “horses.” That way when anyone says “Hold your horses” I’ll have something fun to do.

— Jeff Rosie (@JeffRosie) June 9, 2011

u ever…choke the monkey? slap the chicken? stroke the snake? ya know…get banned from the zoo for abusing the animals

— Andrew Bee (@AndyBridgman) March 19, 2012

Looked it up and microwave minutes and sex minutes are in fact longer than other minutes

— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) February 25, 2012

PARTY PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT / HEADING HOME TO WATCH DOWNTON ABBEY BY THEMSELVES

— Will Stephen (@will_stephen) April 1, 2012

I’d like to see Mythbusters tackle the effectiveness of water-cup sanitizing a beer pong ball.

— Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) March 30, 2012

Sleep is good for you, in that it lets your body know when to stop eating dinner & start eating breakfast.

— Owen Parsons (@owenBparsons) January 20, 2012

In an effort to cut down on the amount of coffee I drink, I’ve decided to be less productive.

— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) April 1, 2012

Whether it’s relativity, gravity, or evolution, the greatest human thought was followed or preceded by being horny, hungry or having to pee.

— Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) March 30, 2012

...]]> /video/6749741 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6749741/babys-first-april-fools-day-joke Tue, 03 Apr 2012 11:58:27 -0400 /article/6666361 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6666361/28-jokes-you-can-tell-your-grandparents Fri, 09 Dec 2011 05:15:31 -0500 Tame Alligator
A man walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm.
“This is the world’s tamest alligator,” says the man, “and I’ll prove it.” He then throws a tennis ball under a table, and the alligator promptly fetches it.
“Anyone else want to try?” says the man.
“Sure,” says the bartender, “but please throw the ball on top of the table, as my knees are bad and I have trouble picking up objects from the floor.”
...]]> /video/6571875 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6571875/dad-makes-baby-laugh Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:53:30 -0400 /video/6535477 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6535477/dalai-lama-doesnt-get-dalai-lama-joke Tue, 14 Jun 2011 13:45:37 -0400 /link/6226979 http://eatliver.com/i.php?n=5999 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:47:57 -0400 /link/5918544 http://mterry.name/estevez Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:12:22 -0500 /video/4037299 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/4037299/obama-bombs-at-stand-up Thu, 21 May 2009 16:50:38 -0400 /video/3685467 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3685467/fabulous-flight-attendant Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:49:06 -0400 /article/960227 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/960227/trite-jokes-you-would-hear-over-and-over-again-if-you-worked-as-an-iron-smelter Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:02:19 -0400

Too hot for you?

Gettin’ a little hot and heavy here, isn’t it?



That’s unexpected; some would even say “Ironic.”
...]]>