CollegeHumor: Man Vs Wild

Man Vs. Wild: The RPG

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 11:27:34 -0400

He's miles from any save point.

Bear Grylls Likes His Pee

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 14:03:10 -0400

Man cannot survive on pee alone.

Bear Grylls Allergic to Bees

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:12:56 -0400

"Lucky for me I'm in the desert, where life-saving syringes of adrenaline grow in abundance."

Man vs. Girls Gone Wild

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:05:43 -0500

Bear Grylls teaches you how to survive an onslaught of boobies on Mardi Gras.

Man vs. Wild poo-drink

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:50:18 -0400

Overheard On Man vs. Wild

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 23:31:17 -0400

“Most people wouldn’t even think to use elk feces as a source of food, but it’s extremely rich in vitamin B6, which will keep me energized during my hike today.”
“Fires are vital to one’s survival through the cold nights here in the Andes, and a good way to make one is to urinate on a large piece of granite, then rub elderberries against it in a circular motion.”
“During my 56 years of service in the British special forces, I did thousands of parachute jumps. But I’ve only attempted a double loop corkscrew swan dive into a red ant mound twice.”
“I am now going to jump into this small glacial lake to show you how to survive in this situation. Okay…take off all of my clothes…(are you guys getting this?)…and just dive in!…AAAAAAGHHH chatterchatterchatter AS YOU CAN SEE IT’S QUITE COLD…”
“I haven’t eaten since I had some Fritos and a Diet Coke on the helicopter, and I’m absolutely starving. A lion would make a great meal.”
“Look…can you see? Just past that outcropping is a male rhinoceros. He’s spotted us. In this situation you have to remain VERY QUIET. Rhinos have terrible eyesight, but have a superb sense of sound. Some studies have reported that they can hear leaves rustling from MILES away. We have to be EXTRA CAREFUL, because right now is the peak of the rhinoceros mating season. I said THE PEAK OF THE RHINOCEROS MATING SEASON.”
“Mountain goats are quite common in the Himalayas, and if I can gain one’s trust, I might be able to ride it to civilization.”
“If you can’t find any dry wood to start a fire, a good way to stay warm is by spooning with your personal camera crew under the fleece blankets they brought.”
...

Man vs. Wild meets Survivorman

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 11:42:06 -0400

While filming for their next episode, Les Stroud of “Survivorman” and Bear Grylls of “Man vs. Wild” cross paths in the wilderness of Alaska. Here’s what follows:

Bear: It’s very important to stay as warm and rubbing animal feces on yourself is a good way to do this. Hears Footsteps

Les: Well hey, look who it is. Sh*tface himself,Bear Grylls…

Bear: Oh…Hello Les, get separated from you boy scout troop again. Did Discovery Channel actually give you a 2nd season?

Les: Yes they did. They had no choice. Your roll is to be like the show WildBoyz, I have to be the show that teaches you to survive.

Bear: What, are you jealous that I’m stealing the spotlight?

Les: Yeah, I’m real jealous. I wish I had sh*t on my face and I wish that I used my own piss soaked shirt to keep cool, or drink water from elephant sh*t. COME ON GRYLLS, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!?

Bear: I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO SURVIVE!!
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