Willard “Mitt” Romney—that’s right, Willard—is a former Governor of Massachusetts, current guy with great hair, and the presumptive GOP nominee for President this election season. The son of former Governor of Michigan, George W. Romney, Mitt was born in Detroit and had the good sense to get out before that city turned into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. He is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which is an extremely wordy way of saying he is Mormon. Romney’s Mormonism is a cause of concern among comedy writers and comedy fans alike. Just think how many Mormon jokes we would all have to listen to if he were elected. Terrifying. Romney was the co-founder of private equity investment firm Bain Capital (YAWN) and is also apparently a political Etch-a-Sketch, which must make him a straight shooter, since curved lines are so goddamn hard to draw on those things.
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Mitt Romney Prank Call
Next up, the John McCain soundboard that concedes defeat.
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Mitt Romney and Young Money
There's a billion ways to spell "gaffe."
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Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up
He wants Barack Obama to switch him chairs.
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C-SPAN Troll Wants to Know Mitt Romney's Penis Size
Obviously we all want to know, which is why the next GOP debate is going to start in a fancy restaurant and then move to an elegantly decorated apartment.
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Mitt Romney Quotes Paired with Lucille Bluth
I wonder how much money Mitt Romney is holding in Swiss banana stands
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Romney and Obama Do "Call Me Maybe"
Maybe the real secret to bipartisanship is Carly Rae Jepsen.
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America, Uninterested Kids Want Romney
A vote for Mitt is a yawn from your kid.
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Sideshow Mitt
"No, that's German for 'The America, The.'"
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The GOP Candidates Play Monopoly
The only thing flimsier than the playing board is their policies.
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Romney Negs America
Mitt Romney thinks he's figured out a way to get everyone to vote for him or sleep with him.
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James Lipton Gives Mitt Romney Acting Advice
Mitt's performance thus far has been hardly scrumtralescent.
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Mitt Romney is Not a Robot
Which is just what he would tell you if he was a robot. Think about it.
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Mitt Romney Insults Local Cookies
Clearly Mitt has never had a Green Apple Jolly Ranger Big Gulp Slurpee.
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