This just in: It's important to stay up to date on current events. Without the news, most of us would be uninformed on breaking stories and other noteworthy information, like which anchor or reporter dropped an "f-bomb" on live television.

    Awaiting Obama's Arrival in Me
    Fox Identifies Michael Jordan as "Failed Baseball Player"
    "More Volunteers Needed to Help Rape Victims"
    Street-Walker Wedding
    Writer Asks You to Close Your Eyes While You Read
    London Olympics Take Place in London
    Teen High on LSD Starts Fight with a Mailbox
    Kids Play in Water Under Drought Headline
    Man Mistaken for Groundhog Shot in Face
    News Reports that School is "Two" Easy
    Mayonnaise Theft
    Guy Pops into Background from Nowhere
    Child-Like Police Sketch of Bird
    Man is tired of birds.

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