This just in: It's important to stay up to date on current events. Without the news, most of us would be uninformed on breaking stories and other noteworthy information, like which anchor or reporter dropped an "f-bomb" on live television.

    You couldn't make this up no matter how high you got
    So giving beer to dogs is science now?
    Anyone looking for a roommate?
    It's a sad day in Tanzania
    World's biggest pimp ditches two wives in 3 minutes
    Wait for it...
    37? Has Obama never bowled before?
    Breaking News: Paris Hilton fell on her big, dumb face
    And you thought you hated Emo kids...
    "It was stolen?  Oh...yeah, we totally knew that."

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