Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
To be fair they think "cracking blunts" is having prostitutes hang out by the front door.
Chris only? Good luck doing that with those new whitened teeth.
The best insurance policy is honesty.
"Found this on my car at Wal-Mart." -- she would've called too if she knew who he was, but there were 4 guys dressed in camo in the Valentine's card aisle.
And some fortune cookie writers contain no soul.
Oh, I'm sorry officer. Are you gonna prosect me? Oh no, not prosected! Whatever will I do?!
The mark of a truly good neighbor is their ability to respect blue balls.
Your argument would be a lot more convincing if it were all in CAPS.
I can't puke over the fifth floor walkway? I guess the only other place is directly on the children's toys, because god knows I'm not going to stop puking.
Guys, I tried archery in college and it sounds like much more fun than it actually is. But then again, so does projectile vomit.
Quick Robin, to the BATROOM!
Fingers crossed that it's Ed O'Neill!
His grandmother always stressed the importance of writing notes.
Still less effective than the actively aggressive note.
That is fantastic news! I was just about to report him lost to Animal Services.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.