Animals, we, the human race, beseech you: end this needless war! For billions of years we have battled for supremacy and the time has come for one victor to reign supreme. That species is mankind. It is as clear as the cities we build, the industry we create, and the enemies we have sent to the annals of history, never to return again: the hapless dodo, the fearsome saber tooth, the monstrous wooly mammoth. All have fallen to the mighty war machine that is humanity. We once feared many of you. We were weak, scared and naked, scampering on open savannah, a few thousand souls away from extinction ourselves. But we have grown stronger, smarter, more cunning, and we no longer fear any enemy. The time has come to surrender.

Do you not crave peace in our world? Do you not wish to see your offspring grow old without fear of a human hunter? Do you yourself not wish to live a long, full life? Then you must surrender to humanity at once. Retract your claws, sheath your stingers, hide your teeth and declare yourself a prisoner of war.

Follow the example of the Canine Army, once one of the most feared creatures stalking the surface of the earth. When in times past they were known as the Wolves, they struck fear into all they encountered. They were smart hunters, able to bring down enemies many times their own size and strength. But they were also smart warriors and knew well when they had been bested by an opponent. And so they surrendered to humanity and have now become our prisoners of war.

Ask the Canine how goes his imprisonment! Ask the Canine if he is fed and sheltered! Ask the Canine if he is loved! Some of our Canine prisoners are even clothed in the manner of their captors. When they are ill, our finest doctors attend to them and when one is lost to old age or accident, they are mourned and memorialized as if they were a fellow human. When one's life is cut short by the hand of a vengeful human, that human is himself imprisoned, for we abide by the rules of the Geneva Convention and such treatment of prisoners of war is not tolerated. No such protections extend to your race unless you have already been so decimated by our forces that we only allow you to exist so that we may study you and hunt you for certain periods of the year.

...]]> /picture/6823386 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6823386/kitten-fights-tortoise-using-extra-adorable Wed, 12 Sep 2012 12:33:07 -0400 /picture/6823368 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6823368/fluffy-cat-has-head-stuck-in-cone Wed, 12 Sep 2012 12:07:24 -0400 /picture/6823012 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6823012/cat-beard Tue, 11 Sep 2012 12:18:15 -0400 /picture/6822406 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6822406/i-agree-with-her-lifestyle Mon, 10 Sep 2012 15:46:08 -0400 /picture/6822303 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6822303/large-woman-walks-her-pet-rat Mon, 10 Sep 2012 13:24:09 -0400