CollegeHumor: Poetry

Tom Hanks Performs Slam Poem About "Full House"

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 10:45:38 -0400

I'm having the most difficult time figuring out which Olsen Twin is playing him this time.

Little Girl Is Definitely A Natural Poet

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 11:05:45 -0400

It's obviously a free verse poem. Not that you'd understand the complexities of human emotion and language.

A Slam Poem to Bacon (with Nick Offerman)

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 10:09:56 -0400

The Parks and Recreation star cooks up some sweet, sweet word meat.

Poetic Keep Off the Grass Sign

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 12:41:13 -0400

Indeed, what sort of cruel monster would trample such tender grass?

If Popular Songs Were Shakespearean Sonnets

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 16:19:06 -0400

...

Jake and Amir: Valentines Day

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 09:12:46 -0500

Fake holiday. Real emotion.

Cee Lo Lyrics

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:10:53 -0400

Eiew, poetry?!? And I thought I liked that song too.

This twitter account is the sh*t

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:43:03 -0400

Twitter: Daily Haipoo

Untitled 8

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 03:02:09 -0400

It's literally a bunch of poems written by women. It's so hard, but you can finish. THAT'S...

Twilight and bad poetry go together like Twilight and bad everything

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 18:03:21 -0400

Excerpts from bad Twilight poetry.

A Partygoer's Soliloquy

Sun, 16 May 2010 15:37:46 -0400

To bullsh*t, or to party, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The bitter bite and metallic pang of Natty Lite,

Or to sacrifice currency on the altar of drinkability

And by doing so once never do again for weeks. To drink—to party,

No more; and by party to say we end

The head-ache and the thousand natural shocks

Tha...

Untitled 11

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 13:47:10 -0400

"As I was leaving a bar at 3pm on a Wednesday some guy handed me this and said 'The Archangel Gabriel instructed me to give you this.' I couldn't make this up if I tried."

'Twas The Site Before Christmas...

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:51:41 -0500

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all 'cross the web

All the users were clicking, the big names and the plebs

MySpace was decked out in baubles and candles

And each tired nickname 'twas a new festive handle

As children by now we'd be snuggled in bed

But we now stay online and leave comments instead
...

There are a lot of things you're not allowed do while drunk, but writing haikus isn't one of them.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:08:44 -0500

Haikus for drunks!

Hardly Working: Love and Sleep

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 14:12:18 -0400

If you're going to wax poetic, make sure you have enough wax.

Oh great. Computers can make poetry now. Next thing you know they'll be voting

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:20:40 -0400

Haiku Finder is a fun little program that find haikus in any text you give it.

Bacon Poetry

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:45:51 -0400

A Lovers Remorse

The gentle strips,

I feel with glee.

Dripping wet,

held close to me.

I wish to tell you,

of my love.

Damnit I ate you

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Before you go saying you don't want to read a poem, keep in mind that there is a rhinocerous in the poem

Thu, 21 May 2009 01:06:48 -0400
Typical Work Day for me. A great poem about having a boring job and using a rhinocerous to change your life for the better.

The Bursar: A Lament

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:32:26 -0400

The Bursar: A Lament

Whence I awoke one April morn
At my feet I found a letter
For it I read, with hateful scorn
"You bill is due, pay you'd better."

As such I leapt from my sweet bed
To face the bursar, come what may
I heard the rumblings in my head:
"With this I will waste my whole day!"

...

Ode to the Most Correct Answer

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:49:56 -0400

When the choices are all multiple
And the answers could all B
I keep on hoping that I can fill in
Every circle that I C

But my teachers have all taught me
That there's A most correct response
But there are three or four of these to pick
And I can only answer once.

I think that A looks the most correct
But I'd better read the rest
Because everybody always knows
It's never the first answer on the test.

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