6:00 AM – Wakes up in the Lincoln bedroom, stretches, looks himself in the mirror, and says “You got this, buddy.”

6:02 AM – Prays.

It’s no secret that a lot of folks out there are hurting. Yes, some due to hunting accidents. But mostly I’m referring to the econo...]]> /article/6769736 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6769736/get-to-know-a-third-party-candidate-keith-judd-democratic-party Tue, 15 May 2012 15:24:36 -0400 Keith Judd, Democratic Party

I know, I know. The Democratic Party is not exactly a third party. But come on. Mr. Judd is in prison in Texas, and recently challenged President Obama in the West Virginia (note: not Texas) Democratic Primary after simply paying the $2,500 entry fee and posting a profile online. Shockingly, he received a whopping 40% of votes. So he qualifies as something.

...]]> /article/6769362 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6769362/10-things-ron-paul-has-time-to-do-now-that-hes-basically-quit Mon, 14 May 2012 17:49:17 -0400

1. Put on his red hat and go back to making E.L. Fudge cookies.

2. Angrily stomp around his house wailing about ...]]> /article/6769245 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6769245/mitt-romneys-hilarious-prank-ideas Mon, 14 May 2012 13:03:10 -0400 Last week, the Washington Post reported that as a senior at Cranbrook School, Mitt Romney cornered a student widely assumed to be gay, and forcibly cut his unconventional bleached-blond hair, while a posse of other students held him down. Romney denies any memory of the incident, but admits that he participated in many pranks back in the day, and still likes to joke around on the campaign trail.