...]]> /article/6834659 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6834659/its-time-to-evolve Fri, 12 Oct 2012 10:59:36 -0400

We, as an animal, are not fit to live in the world we've created for ourselves. Our biology hasn't caught up to our society and we're all suffering for it. Evolution states that we should be averse to things that do us harm, right? Dog shit smells bad so we don't go playing with it, dog shit tastes bad so we don't go eating it, everything about the way we perceive and interact with dog shit is unpleasant because it can only do us harm. So then why does my body not react violently to all of the things I do that are actively harming me? Why do I enjoy sugar and fat and cigarettes and not exercising? It's because my biology is moving like molasses. Evolution needs to speed the hell up.

We're so bad at evolving that we need laws to keep us from drinking a gallon of sugary soda. Laws! But it's not our fault. It's nature's fault for being so slow. We like sugary things because sugar is energy and cavemen had to get as much energy as they could when it was available. So our bodies are trained to take in as much sugar as we possibly can whenever we encounter it. The same goes for fat and salt. But sugar, fat, and salt are everywhere now – they're probably within arm's reach of you as you read this. Clearly, our bodies have screwed us yet again. Removing these things from your diet doesn't work either because, here's the tricky thing, you need them. So you have to train yourself to eat just a little sugar, a little fat and a little salt, even though your body is screaming for more. It's ridiculous.

...]]> /article/6795159 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6795159/5-things-everyone-should-know-about-the-higgs-boson Wed, 11 Jul 2012 14:33:12 -0400 1. It's way easier to think of it as a "God Particle."
Sure, the Higgs Boson verifies a physical mechanism proposed in 1964 and in no way confirms the existence of a god or any kind of supreme being, but all that science can get really complicated and exhausting. Instead of thinking about any of that, make a facebook status letting all of your stupid atheist friends know who the king of science is now!

2. Pictures of the Higgs Boson Look Pretty Damn Cool

...]]> /article/6621213 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6621213/the-science-of-partying Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:18:28 -0400

...]]> /article/4049586 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/4049586/evolution-vs-creationism-simplified Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:43:35 -0400

EVOLUTION, as understood by a Creationist:



A few hundred years ago, deep in the jungle, a girl monkey goes into labor.
...]]> /article/4062456 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/4062456/poll-majority-of-web-users-are-liars Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:38:43 -0400  

Washington DC- According to USA Today- Gallup Poll released Thursday, as many as 92 percent of web users admit that when typing the acronym "LOL," they are not actually laughing out loud.

"I'm honestly not surprised by the results," says Professor of Sociology at Davidson University, Don Amburrough. "Whenever I have to email homework assignments to my students, some of them write back, 'Thanks! LOL!' I just don't see how they could find it that funny."
...]]> /article/4053080 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/4053080/natural-selection-sucks Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:38:31 -0400

Oh sure, it sounds like a good idea. But think of all the things we've lost to natural selection:

Haast's eagle: EXTINCT

...]]> /article/3363217 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3363217/did-you-know-the-human-body Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:08:08 -0400 - Did You Know the section of the digestive system typically associated with money, cars, and hoes, is the Livin' Large Intestine?

- Did You Know the human heart is almost identical to a pig's heart which explains why you're such a fat fuck?

- Did You Know that Humans evolved skin and tissue to hide their scary skeletons...]]>