He got it to commemorate his grandma, who died while he was texting.
Technology can be so cute when it's being destroyed.
Remember, How to Breathe and How to Not Not Breathe are prerequisites.
You're just jealous you've never had an article published in The Daily Douche.
Technology, the greatest substitute of all time.
Coming to theaters this second.
You make my dreams come true, people with too much time on your hands.