Hey everyone! First off let me just say thank you so much for coming to my birthday party. I know that I can kind of live out of the way of most stuff, but I appreciate you making the trek! Also, sorry about that riddle at the gate, it is just a way to keep pranksters with an IQ below 110 from crashing the party. But don't text anyone the answer; there is a trap door for people who get the answer wrong that I have been dying to test out.

/article/6865629 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6865629/if-these-walls-could-talk Wed, 23 Jan 2013 22:00:48 -0500

Downstairs Bathroom

Toilet Wall: Code Red, everyone. Code Red!
...]]> /picture/6865207 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6865207/mom-target-fail Tue, 22 Jan 2013 16:16:26 -0500 /article/6863642 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6863642/my-life-is-such-an-action-movie Tue, 15 Jan 2013 18:01:22 -0500

Stock photo from Shutterstock

Ha-ha, my life is SUCH an action movie, you guys. It's just like any time I go to do anything, heroic ol' me does something incredible to save the day. Take last wee—HEY, WATCH OUT! Dude, you almost got hit by that bullet. Did you seriously not see the red dot on your forehead? Huh. Weird. Anyway, take last week for example, when I—WHAT? In here? There's A BOMB in this room right now? Pass it over to me, all you have to do is take your machete like this and wait… Is it the red or yellow wire I'm supposed to cut? I'd call my mentor to ask, but he was dropped into a volcano at a time when I was very impressionable. Oh, yellow, right. I always know it's either one or the other. See? Pfaw, you can't write this stuff, I'm telling you.

...]]> /article/6862192 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6862192/high-on-life Tue, 08 Jan 2013 20:53:51 -0500

Hello, my name is Mark Malcovich and I am writing this testimonial as a warning to anyone who is interested in experimenting with the drug "Life." Now let me just say, I never intended on getting hooked on the stuff. It was just something fun to do with my buddies in college; it was supposed to help me unwind after class. It was simple at first you know, playing Frisbee on the lawn or just taking a bike ride around campus. That was all we needed to get a good buzz going. It started with just us doing it once every few weeks, but then it turned into every few days, then just about everyday of the week. (I developed a serious case of arthritis from playing Frisbee so much and now have to masturbate with the help of a machine). But eventually, even that wasn't good enough anymore. "This is boring" we would all say in unison while riding our tandem bike. That is when we started getting into the hard stuff.

/picture/6857539 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6857539/i-just-need-some-space Mon, 17 Dec 2012 15:10:08 -0500 /article/6851006 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6851006/the-show-boy-meets-world-texts-america Sun, 25 Nov 2012 19:29:01 -0500