"Wanna go see a movie? Yeah, me neither."

"Help, some hooligans spun me in circles and I need a sexy young thing to help me regain my orientation!"

"That's odd. Your acne spells "let's knock boots" in braille."

"Would you slap me if I asked to see your breasts? What if I see with my hands?"

"You smell pretty."

"They say when you lose your sight your other senses are sharpened. I can already sense that your name is Jennifer. Oh, Carol? My bad."

"What up butterface."

"They say that love is colorblind. Blind people are also colorblind, so let's make love."
...]]> /article/2191552 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2191552/questions-we-wish-we-could-ask-an-astronaut Mon, 06 Aug 2007 11:07:21 -0400

• Can I be an astronaut, but without all that training and crap?
• Even though I already know the answer, just to be 100% sure, I mean I'm really just asking this for my stupid little brother, the moon is not made out of cheese, right?
• When you fart in your space suit, do you have to keep smelling it the whole time you're in space? If no, where does it go? Does your butt have it's own compartment just for farts?
  ...]]> /article/1971593 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1971593/rejected-coke-advertising-campaigns-and-slogans Mon, 30 Jul 2007 09:23:54 -0400
  
  • If you try something new, you might not like it
  • It probably isn't that bad for your teeth really
  • Take it on a picnic, but only if you have a good cooler
  • Sometimes when you ask for Pepsi in a restaurant they give you coke anyway
  • I read on the internet that you can get AIDS from Pepsi, but not Coke
  • Not so good from the plastic bottle… but hey, what soda is?
  • I heard that the Pepsi side of life has a lot more instances of rape and drive-by shootings than the Coke side, just saying
  • The choice of a sustaining, loyal generation
  • Coke is so good I want to drink it with my nose
  • It's widely available
  • For myspace: You've just been COKED! Forward this to 10 people and drink one cokes (at least) or you're family will die. NOTE: You can be Coked more than once, the same penalties apply each time
  • For TV: a baby polar bear runs into a baby penguin. The penguin has a coke, which he offers to share. The polar bear eats the penguin and washes him down with the crisp, refreshing coke
    ...]]> /article/1755908 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1755908/super-fun-rainy-day-activities-for-summer Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:16:50 -0400
    
    
    
    
    • Sitting inside, watching Homeward Bound trilogy on TBS
    • Letting nature wash your car
    • Going to the beach in hopes that it'll clear up by the time you get there, being wrong, and then driving home again
    • Playing Guess Who alone
    • Thinking about getting a haircut
    • Staring longingly out the window
    • Walking around with an umbrella
    • Going to the drive-through window at Wendy's
    • Using your imagination
    • Complaining about the weather
    
    ...]]> /article/1526275 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1526275/worst-25-gift-cards Mon, 16 Jul 2007 01:18:53 -0400
    
    
    
    
    
    • Hallmark
    • Pottery Barn
    • Dentist
    • McDonald's
    • Chili's
    • $26 Store
    • Sperm Bank
    • The 25-Dollar-Per-Bottle Shampoo Shoppe
    • Isuzu Dealership
    • Ferrari Dealership
    • Church
    • Taxidermist
    • Nudist Commune (barter system)
      ...]]> /article/1214567 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1214567/media-mergers-wed-like-to-see Thu, 05 Jul 2007 11:50:20 -0400
      
      
      
      
      
      ...]]> /article/1200663 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1200663/things-we-wish-we-could-major-in Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:10:08 -0400
      
      
      
      
      In alphabetical order
      • Beard growing
      • Being a bear
      • Cheese
      • Co-ed mud wrestling
      • Complex laundry, with a minor in stripes
      • Doing cool stuff
      • Four square
      • Full House
      • Having Sex
        ...]]> /article/1183638 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1183638/things-you-dont-hear-much-anymore Fri, 22 Jun 2007 15:38:46 -0400
        
        
        
        
        ...]]> /article/1170887 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1170887/poor-corporate-sponsorships Mon, 18 Jun 2007 01:50:43 -0400

        

        
        
        

        
        

        
        
        • The La-Z-Boy Ultra-Marathon
        • The Coors Light Alcoholics Anonymous Day Parade
        • Lipitor, the cholesterol-reducing, healthy-heart medicine sp...]]> /article/1152622 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1152622/national-puerto-rican-day-activities-less-festive-than-the-parade Mon, 11 Jun 2007 13:11:16 -0400
          
          
          
          John Leguizamo movie Marathon
          
          
          
          Comparing colors of U.S. flag to colors of Puerto Rican flag
          
          
          
          Moment of silence in memory of Ricky Martin
          ...]]> /article/1144199 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1144199/better-things-fat-girls-could-spend-their-money-on-than-perfume Fri, 08 Jun 2007 15:05:28 -0400
          
          
          

        • Cats
        • Gilmore Girls DVDs
        • Fabio emblazoned romance novels
        • Cocaine
        • Gym membership
        • 1...]]>